Hello everyone! This may end up being a long diary entry so it may get split up, but we'll see. OK, now where did I leave off?
Saturday I woke up at about 7:00 am, I had a very bad dream (nightmare?) and I didn't want to go back to sleep again soon. So I kicked around, did some laundry, packing and computer stuff to kill the time. Worked on a design for the back of my running shirt. I was feeling very self-conscious about my skin, so I decided not to wear a singlet this year which turned out to be a good idea. About 12:00 pm I headed off. I was uncertain as to whether I should take my big black coat as I thought the early rain might clear. Eventually I took it. I carried my back-pack which seemed extraordinarily heavy and headed over to the lab. On Friday I bought some little boxes of cereal so I wouldn't have to forage whilst in Sydney, so I grabbed some disposable bowls from the lab and headed for the bus-stop. I got there about 12:30 pm and after waiting a while (there was no luggage check-in so I had to stay and guard my bag) I realized I had had forgotten Sarah's long overdue birthday present. It was too late to go back especially with no place to leave my bag, so I had to leave it.
Got on the bus at about 1:10 pm and was really amused. I put on my best "snarly-unsocial-young-white-male" persona and got the only free seat in the entire bus next to me! I was laughing! :) So I kicked back, listening to my CD player and reading my book (alchemical symbolism). The trip as always was quite boring. Thankfully no radio or video was played. I think that's why I prefer this bus line. OK, so the bus stopped at Strathfield and then Central at about 5:00 pm where I got off. It was a pretty miserable day in Sydney *yay* so I was all bundled up in my coat and went and dropped into the CB hotel.
After recovering from the trip I decided to go for a walk to have a look at my old city. Wow, Sydney has changed so much in the 10 months or so since I was last there it seems. New buildings going up all over the place, a brand new mall connected to the Pitt St mall and heaps of changes. I have to admit I was kind of blown away by it all. The biggest feature of central Sydney used to be the big hole in the ground across from the QVB on George St and even that has a huge new building (~40 floors) going up in it.
So after this dose of "future-shock" I went back to my hotel. I wanted to meet Sarah, but I didn't have her phone number. So I got Soba's phone number from my email address book and called her in S.A. we chatted for a bit and I got Sarah's number. She didn't know who it was at first, but we chatted and agreed to meet at 2:00 pm at the Town hall. There is an internet Café next to my hotel and because I was feeling rather internet deprived I dropped in and jumped on. Sent an email to Szusza because I hadn't heard from her in quite a while, and visited her page. I noted that she has a new section on the herbal stuff which she is taking. Also emailed Michelle whom I also haven't heard from in about a week. After that, I went and packed for the next day, it was then I realized I hadn't brought any sleep-ware, but I was glad that that was what I had forgotten rather than anything essential.
So the next day I woke about 7:00 am but forced myself to sleep until 8:00 am. After that I got up had my breakfast cereal and kicked around. About 9:00 am I went to the building and picked up my bag, there was no rush this time since I already had my number tag. Was very bored at the start so I wandered around for quite a while. I discovered that the Northern side of Hyde park is very much less crowded that the South side for Red runners. I can't believe I hadn't noticed this the last 12 times. So I jumped in with 5 minutes to go and was closer to the front than I've ever been before.
OK, the race started, and by about the 4 km I needed to sit down and go to the toilet, but knew I wouldn't be capable for running for a good 20 minutes afterwards. At that point the usual "why the heck am I doing this" was running through my mind. But, by the 7 km mark where the clock is, it was only 35 minutes and since this was half-way up Heart-break hill, I was rather impressed. OK, to cut a long story short I finished in 71:41 which is my best time in years. Found my bag relatively quickly and jumped on a bus. The fortunate thing about finishing early is that there isn't a significant line for the buses, so I got back to my hotel room bang on 12:30 pm. It had actually taken longer to travel back than to run the race! Whilst on the train between Bondi and Town-hall, I was standing up near the doors, when I looked at the person next to me. "Funny" I thought, "That looks just like Frog". "Hang on, that is Frog!!" It was Frog and we chatted for a few minutes until I had to disembark. Wow! That was a hell of a coincidence wasn't it?! I was wearing my Hawkesbury jersey, so maybe he saw that but didn't recognize me with the sun-glasses down, long hair and ear piercings. I had a long shower because I had to meet Sarah and was on the town hall steps just on 2:00 pm. I was quite cold because of the shade, wind and exhaustion, and I waited and waited. There was the salvation Army band playing, so they kept me amused for a while, but by 2:40 pm, still no Sarah. I decided to go and get my coat. When I got to the hotel I glanced at the phone messages, and found one which said "1091 - Sarah carnt(sp) make it" I was pretty upset about this, and this left me wandering the City in quite an unpleasant mood. I did the Café thing again, got an email from Nikki which was interesting and not much else. About 4:00 pm I went and saw "The Mummy" which was OK and after that I didn't do very much except go to bed quite early due to exhaustion.
Monday – Woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Eventually packed and went for an early morning walk around the city. Came back at ~10:00 am and checked out. Left my bags there and went for a walk up Oxford St. I wanted to got to Drag Bag and pick up a few things, but they were shut. Grrr… so I caught a quick train out to Newtown at 11:00 am to go to Glamour World, only to find that they were shut too! For heavens sake, where's a queen supposed to find a gaff and some cosmetics on a Monday in Sydney? *exasperated sigh*
So after this fruitless shopping trip I went back to the hotel and picked up my bag. I bought a imitation bonsai from the "oriental-supply" shop near my hotel and hiked it down to Central to catch my bus. I had a little bit of lunch there and after some waiting finally got on the bus at about 1:15 pm. Thankfully the bus was much less crowded, and I didn't have any problems getting a seat to myself, I let my hair out to see whether it would additionally frighten potential seat partners, but it wasn't really necessary. ;)
The bus trip was OK, leaving Sydney is much nicer than arriving, because by the time you get bored there is at least country-side to look at. I haven't been on a bus for about a year, so I found it quite boring and was very fidgety.
Arrived at Jolimont at ~5:00 pm. I grabbed my bag, went via the lab to get my keys and order a pizza because I had nothing in the fridge and didn't want to have to cook. Got back to John's, dumped my stuff and vegged out, checked my email and found Szusza had replied *yay*, so I will have to email her soon. Seems she was in Sydney for a few days also, and having quite a good time of it it seems. Pizza arrived and by the time I got it back to my room, I realized it was half the wrong order and the other pizza had raw tomato on it *yuck*. I went and had a shower and shampooed my hair, and I came back and ate some cereal which made me feel really bloated, so that topped off an uninspired 24 hours and by 7:30 I had majorly crashed out and was asleep by 8:00 pm. I kept on waking up with a very dry mouth and needing to drink through the night and so I woke up at 4:00 am and started working on this. It's now 5:48 am.
Damn CD player is acting up again… Oh, what else? I bought some little drop earrings from a shop on George St, they are little black crosses with slivers of opal set into them. The actually don't look to bad, I'm wearing them now so maybe I will have something for the ball after all. I will keep my eyes open still.
I'm down to the end of my Androcur, so I will definitely have to pick up a new box tomorrow. Still haven't really noticed any conclusive signs yet except for "downstairs", but I will stay on it and hope for the best.
I've been thinking how passing TS's usually end up going stealth and removing themselves from the TG community and from the "aberrant behaviorists" (societies view not mine). I believe I'm witnessing that right now… fair enough that post-op TS's or whatever may wish to blend into society and be treated "normally", but TS's (FtM I'm talking specifically about here) are exactly that, they are not "normal" members of society, they are not and unfortunately never will be "women". Don't get me wrong here, I wish as much as the next TG for a genuine passable real body, but the possession of a Y chromosome is a simple and undeniable fact. But the cream of the TG crop, the ones who's image says to the public that "there are TG's out there and you wouldn't even know it" are constantly removed from circulation by their own will and simply… vanish.
It's not much wonder that TG communities are so fragmented and that so many non-passing TG's are… well, bitter.
I'm not angry that passing-privileged Tranny's go stealth (usually sooner than later) but that they often get the support and friendship from within the community and then don't repay the debt is possibly what irks me more. Many do put back in a great deal, but others just up and leave the grind-stone once they have achieved their objectives.
Interesting, I just checked my email, and there was one from Nikki who sent me this quote,

Passing means having to hide your identity in fear, in order to live. Being forced to pass is a recent historical development. It is *passing* that is a product of oppression.

I don't believe that I'm necessarily jealous of those who pass, since I believe that with time, this will come to me to. But is interesting to think of "passing" as a recent social construction.
Just sent an email to Nikki, really just a transcript of this diary entry. It's 6:51 am and getting light outside. I guess I should try and get some sleep.

7:17 am Couldn't be bothered sleeping, breakfast is on in about 15 minutes anyway. Just did a little page editing and went via the Hive.