Thurday 26th November 1998

Oh God, how can it be Thursday again!!!! Where the hell did the week go? It's less than a month until Xmas, how the heck could that have happened? I'm not getting any work done, and I'm shitting my panties.
Yesterday we ran out of tert-butyllithium, and that effectively puts and end to getting any work done at all. Maybe that's a good thing, now I have to concentrate on getting all the other work into some semblance of order.
I met up with Tim today for coffee at God's. I clean forgot about our Tuesday appointment, so we rescheduled for today. I was a little bit late because I'd been chasing some references as well as going to the bank. Still, we sat just outside God's and had a cappuccino. I guess we must have been there for about an hour or more, and we had a good long chat about almost everything. I was a bit nervous, because even though we'd emailed each other, I never know what to expect until I meet somebody in the flesh. Still, she was really nice to talk to, very bubbly and obviously enjoying herself. She said she'd love to come out some time in the future once she'd gotten herself a wig. I guess for me it's the right time of year to be doing that, everybody that I know has gone home and I can enjoy myself without worrying too much about running into anyone I might know. Not that I'm likely to do that at the Meridian anyway. ;)
Far out, I think my head is about to explode! I've had a sudden attack of hay-fever from all the dust I blew out of my keyboard.
I will have to go back to the lab tonight, the only semi-productive thing I can do is to set up the hexa-iodination of benzene, so as to prepare it for the six-fold substitution of p-nitro-phenyl acetylene. Should be a rather interesting molecule if I can actually get it to work.
Still haven't gotten the photos from the Sydney Ball developed yet, there's still about 4 or 5 shots left on each film which I don't want to waste considering how much the damn disposable camera actually cost! I've been in contact with Jennifer who's keen to see how they turn out. I wasn't aware of the fact she was transitioning until she emailed me the URL for her diary. It's very intense, her partner seems to be having a very hard time coming to terms with it, and there is a ten year old son which complicates matters no end.
I find it a bit hard to understand a few things about Jennifer, but I will save those till when I see her next. I think that in the unlikely event that I was to find somebody in the next 2 years or so that I'm in Canberra, that I'd feel obligated to tell them after a few months. Maybe even less. If you make a commitment to somebody to be in a relationship, then I guess part of the contract is to disclose any "weird deformities" before it's too deep. I guess being transgendered certainly falls into that category…
What else has been happening? I have to go get my passport photos today, because my interview is at 2:30 pm. Also I'll have to remember to also go to the bank for the $138 to get it processed. I figured I'll get it out of the way now, and worry about name changes and differences in hair length later on.
Oh God, so many things to do, so little time. Here I am wasting time writing this damn thing while my life quickly flies by…
I just remembered that I haven't shaved for almost two weeks, and tomorrow I'm going to get my photos taken. I'm going to look absolutely awful.
I got some other chemicals today, hopefully they might help me complete the long search for an active compound which I've been wasting so much time on. I hoping (and praying [?!]) that once I've achieved this goal, I'll be able to settle back down to more conventional chemistry. Time will tell…
Have to also remember to pick up Szusza's photos tomorrow, I keep on forgetting.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I'm actually still alive. I sleep badly and I don't eat right. I eat irregularly and what I do eat is crap anyway. I subsist on a diet of vitamin pills for breakfast, toast for dinner and whatever junk food I can find for dinner. All washed down with copious quantities of diet coke and Jolt cola. I work all day around open bottles of dangerous solvents and handle harmful chemicals the rest of the time. My sleep patterns are that of an asylum inmate, and my emotional levels are comparable. I'm not saying I'm thinking about suicide or anything, far from it, but with this kind of lifestyle it can only go on for so long (can it?).
God I'm fading fast, If I'm lucky I'll stay awake long enough to get my clothes out of the drier. Why is it I'm so wasted these days? Just can't seem to focus on things anymore…

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