25th December 1998

It's been a long time since I've written, even longer since I've written in this little book. Well here I am at home again, yes the cycle of the year does spin fast. My immediate question is whether I want to journey tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's such a good idea, since I'm unsure as to how I'll feel being around family.
I got a card from Sarah and Jane Gillman today, it's always nice to get cards, even if you have to do a bit of prodding!
Went to Xmas Eve mass tonight, chatted to Danny Malone for a bit, seems like he's working on the effect of cannabis on the brains of rats.
Since I've been home, the general reaction to the hair extensions has been OK. Naturally Dad was the biggest hurdle, simply because he says basically what he means and what he thinks. I've been home for a bit over two days now and there are very few comments , mainly I think because after the initial reaction there isn't too much else to say.
Since I've been home, I haven't done very much. I wake up around midday, and spend most of the next seven hours indoor, simply because it's too hot to go outside. At 7pm I go out and do a few jobs around the yard. Mostly trimming the rampant foliage, but mostly just tidying the place up a bit.
Mum helped wash my hair last night, I must remember to use anti-dandruff shampoo on my own hair, and fabric softener on the extensions.
I just a little a worried about losing too much volume before University starts again in late February. I mean, I want them to look as good as possible, because I'm sure the critics won't have any hesitation in throwing daggers.
One of the other things I've been doing since I got home has been making up AD&D characters. I'm not sure what it is, but I really enjoy making up a character from scratch, seeing what their attributes turn out to be, deciding on their race, class and so on. I think I must transfer my wish of being different onto these characters.
The type I like best are female clerics. Female for the obvious reason that I identify with them, as for the cleric part I'm not so sure. Either it's because they're stronger than magic-users, or because their power comes directly from a single common, "true" source. Obviously I prefer spell-casters because they have the ability to do extraordinary, super-natural things.
I continue to wonder whether or not I'd be happier as a female. Nature has removed my chance of that ever being reality, and even hormones and SRS wouldn't be 100% effective since my feet and hands couldn't be changed, and so at best I'd be permanently stranded between the two main "islands" of gender.
I'm interested in the childhood fantasies of TG's. From what I've read and experienced, the range of stories is quite varied, but of course they all have the central theme of "righting the wrong".
Mine is like all of them highly individual and gives an insight into some aspects of the TG. It's too late (2:15 am) to relate it now, but maybe tomorrow I'll commit it to paper. Fiction writing seems to be very common amongst TG's, obviously because it reflects their (understandable) frustration and disappointment with this current reality.

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