I got to spend about 5 days with my girlfriend when I stopped over in Los Angeles, it was a very special time. On the way back from a night-club one night, we were talking, and again the peculiarities of my own personal dysphoria came to light. We were talking about “The Op”, and what it meant to us, and again I saw how my whole body being the cause of my dysphoria, and not just the space between my legs. I could trade a fairly inconsequential piece of flesh for a new bit which requires constant maintenance, $20,000, a week in hospital and probably a lot of pain. What I say next may seem shallow, but it's how I feel, that is, I want to be beautiful. I want to be able to turn heads and excite people. Touching me, though, is reserved for one amazingly special girl who doesn't care about that as long as I am happy.
So what does this mean? Maybe coming to the land of “the beautiful people” has reinforced this desire. I want my teeth straight and white, I want my body slim and fit, I want my breast firm yet perky.
Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through, another aspect of my new puberty, I can't say. Perhaps it's just about being human? Who doesn't want to be attractive? I don't care if there are elitists in the little or large communities who say I'm not “genuine”, it's what I want.