Social roadblocks. I've been trying to do my best, but socially I'm still quite frustrated and lonely. I've found very lttle of the "advertised" RPG community, and as it is I'm not very desirable, because for a lot of the games I don't know the rules, because until I get a taste, I don't want to be shelling out $$$ for books. Alas, when I ask myself what I like doing, it turns out that I like doing anything, as long as it is with friends, but what do I do to accumulate some friends? Catch 22. Anyway, next Saturday is the long awaited TG meeting in Coral Gables, I suppose I can try and find someone of my own age there, but I think the odds are against it, still nothing ventured, nothing gained.
This weekend has been fairly quiet (surprise, surprise). I saw "Black Hawk Down" on Saturday, and it was pretty good. I also had my hair done, but got ripped off, so I think I'll be avoiding that place in future. I got the newspaper this morning, and again got depressed. I know I am lucky to have a stable job here, but I am making an absolute pittance compared to what I should be getting paid. I guess that's the difference between academia and industry, but it certainly encourages me to try and jump ship. I also bought Blink 182's album "Enema of the state" which is suprisingly good.
What else has been happening? Not a lot, I was at work today which was rather dull, but I didn't have much else to do. Allison just phoned which was nice (and needed) and we talked about a lot of stuff, including my self-esteem which seems to be hitting chronically low levels. It's a combination of things incuding heat, young university students, and lack of friends and social activites/distractions. I keep telling myself that things will pick up, but will they? It just seems that Miami has absolutely nothing to offer me, even it's vaunted winter sun is something I'd gladly trade for snow. I can see a long and angsty decision approaching as October 31st and the end or renwal of my contract comes up. I've been looking at job sites to see what sort of jobs
are around, and there's very little for an inorganic chemistry major. I guess all I can do is to try and get other stuff to add to my resume and get in on being research capable but multi-tasked.
I suppose the up(?) side is that I couldn't possibly move any further south and still be in the US.
12:00 am - Revelation?
I can't help but think about the Vampire LARP. As I said to a friend online, I was raised by Jesuits, and am intrisically a very moral (though not religious) person. In an RPG I would much rather be fighting for the cause of good, though outnumbered and likely to be beaten, then galmorous yet ultimately shallow evil. This is why Call of Cthulhu appeals so much to me, in it we're fighting for the survival of the human race against overwhelming odds and near immortal opponents. It is better to decides what is right and fight for it, than to let moral ambiguity take over and slowly corrupt your soul. As the
Phantom (another of my role models) would say "It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees".