I haven't written for a while, I'm not sure exactly why, I guess I've just been busy. On Thursday, I rang to make an appointment for a consultation for a plastic surgeon, and before I knew it, I was booked in for 4 pm that afternoon. It was interesting, I hadn't quite known what to expect, but it turned out to be fairly informative, even if I already knew most of the technical details. The cost was given as $4500, but I am going to make an appointment with a second surgeon to get a better idea. May as well shop around for something like this.
Friday went quite well, after the initial problems with humidity, I'm making some good progress with the chemistry and therefore feeling a lot happier. Also, Illara called me and let me know that she'd finally scored a job in Vancouver which is great news to hear, even if it's only for a month. Saturday was a domestic morning, with two weeks of cleaning, laundry and other miscellany to do. In the afternoon, I went out to South Beach on a whim, and was trawling through the tattoo and clothing shops on Washington Avenue which was kind of cool. I decided against a real tatoo ($$$), so I went for a temporary henna tattoo in tribal style across my right forearm. It got a little smudged, but otherwise looks kind of cool.
The main part of my trip was to visit the Holocaust Memorial, and I admit, I was stunned. Words just can't do justice to the amazing power and terror of that stark monument, it was hard not to come away silent and humble. I came home feeling fairly exhausted from the heat and exertion of the day, so I crashed out for a while.
About 10 pm, I emailed Allison and then unexpectedly, she called and in reflection of our first time on the phone, we chatted for about 3 1/2 hours. It was actually a rather amazing talk, which reminds me again and again, that no matter how well you think you know someone, there's always more stuff to find out. As we talked, I couldn't help but reflect on her life with some amazement, in the sense that I felt lucky to have escaped a small town life, but the odds against her doing it were so much greater that I can't feel a sense of pride in her achievement.
We talked a lot about seperating what you truly want, from what you only think you want. The object of "surgery" was central to this, but it also revolved around how much grey area (and there always is some grey area) are you willing to live with? For some it's more, and for some it's less, but for me, I am willing to live with the grey area, as long as I've taken time to think about it and minimize the grey area as much as possible. For me, thoughts of having radical Dr O style facial surgery have faded, and so I'm glad that I had the time for reality to soak through the layers of culturally constructed desire. There's no-one more dangerous to themselves than someone with a lot of money for instant gratification, and a poor self-esteem.
5:20 pm - It's very quiet now.
It's Super-Bowel Sunday and the game is scheduled to start at 6 pm so I guess everyone is home huddled in front of the great "all-knowing eye". I was invited to a party by one of the guys from the RPG group, but in the end I decided against going. It was for various reasons, and up until he gave me his address I was seriously considering attending. Alas it turns out he lives a long way from where I am, practically out in the Everglades to me, so given that I would not have known all that many people there anyway, I'll apologize and go another time. I can't help but think somewhat obsessively about my breast surgery. I don't know how long I have been hoping and dreaming of it, and so the anticipation is very great. I thought about putting it off until after my birthday, but I want as much time as possible to recover before my flight home for Graduation.