It's a rainy Xmas morning in Berkeley, and I am sitting in Bonnie's room and keeping my toes warm. I flew in very late on Friday night, and between delays due to fog and mechanical issues, I didn't arrive until after 1 am. Bonnie was kind enough to show me the way to Ben and Juliet's apartment, and I fell straight to sleep.
The last few days have been pleasurable in many ways. I have been spending a lot of time with Kadie, and only a little time at work. This has been good because I have been feeling so drained after the whole semester. Now I am wondering what I am going to do with my next semester of university, what classes I should take, what research I am going to do, and what I want out of life and work.
In some ways this is the loneliest Xmas I've yet had. So far from my parents and family, uncertainty about my life and the loss of someone close. Even though I am with a friend, I feel very uncertain about it all. It has really been the most incredible year, so many highs and lows with thankfully more of the former than the latter I think.
I don't know what the future hold for Kadie and myself. Are we just looking for someone to restore our confidence, to get us off the floor and back on the horse? We like each other, but we don't seem to have quite enough in common. Perhaps we can help each other through the winter and back into the springtime of our lives?