It's almost 6 am in the morning, and I haven't been able to sleep since about 2 am. I arose up at 3 am and watched anime for a few hours on my laptop. I'm still not particularly sleepy, and so writing seems like a good thing to do. I'm very happy that this week is finished. It has not been any more hectic than the rest of the semester, but after a few months, the stress does tend to build up. I cancelled class on Monday which gave me time to recover after the weekend of playing rugby in Albuquerque. I suppose a real job might be much more stressful, but since I've never had one I guess I wouldn't know.
Tonight I hung out with Alex and Ecole, and later in the evening we moved my bed. The bed had been languishing at my old apartment for the best part of two weeks while I was busy or out of town. It took some time for us to load it up and then carry it up to my eyrir, but it had to be done eventually.
I watched an anime which made me very sad tonight, it was Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi. This was initially a somewhat typical corny anime about a boy and a girl hopping between worlds. But there was also a flashback to an earlier part of the family history. In it, there is a young woman who falls in love with a stranger, but another guy who considers her “his girl” is consumed with jealousy and the stranger leaves, and the girl never knows why. It just made me so very sad, that someone else foolishness can ruin a life like that. I haven't done my feelings or the anime any justice in this description, but I became downcast regardless.
I think I might be coming to a stage in my life (post 30) where things are not so easy any more. I've left the warm comfort of the places and people I knew in Montana, and the world seems colder and tougher when I'm here by myself. I know I am making friends through rugby, and of course there is Alex and Ecole, but nevertheless a warm hug would be nice.
Maybe it's because it's almost a year since Bonnie and I broke up? Perhaps this is what has catalyzed this? Perhaps it's because I've been playing around with my hormone dosage? I can't fault people for wanting to be happy, perhaps that is the lesson from the anime? Don't try to control what other people want, because you'll spend the next 50 years regretting the actions of youth. Perhaps the rashness of youth is what makes it worthwhile?