I am sitting on the steps outside my old apartment building in Montana. I am currently waiting for Kadie and Andrea to come and afford me a lift to a barbeque at Adam's house. It has been a relaxing day, almost certainly a direct result of not being in Arizona.
I flew out of Phoenix yesterday afternoon, as the first leg in my long trip home to Australia. The flights themselves were uneventful, but as with life, the true journey did not begin until I arrived at my destination. Kadie was happy and well, and we were both delighted to see each other. Not in any kind of manner as when we were together, but much more a reflection of being good friends who have spent too long apart.
The same perhaps can not be said for Andrea who approached my visitation with trepidation. I do not fully understand the insecurity of women, and probably never shall. Perhaps it is a cultural anachronism to feel the loss of one's provider, and perhaps I am too independent to feel the pang. Whatever the cause I view it with mild amusement. Not to infer that I did not wish to put Andrea at ease, but more to make Kadie happy.
Sereana says that she does not mind me visiting, and I am happy with that answer. In visiting I am able to view my relationship in a much clearer and rational light. Perhaps I can learn from history and attempt to prevent reoccurrences of what drove Kadie and myself apart.
In discussing our relationship, I talked about the lesbian “urge to merge”, my desire to clearly delineate “mine” from “ours” and perhaps thereby to retain my identity as a unique individual (perhaps too unique) within a greater pair. That is neither for good nor for evil, merely a reflection of where individual cultures perhaps told children about their place in the world. As nurturers or providers, a binary world of one's and zeros'.