Hmmmm… where do I start today? OK, Friday. I had to rush and buy more Roaccutane since I'd run out, but luckily the ANU pharmacy had some. I spent most of the day with Nikki just chatting and kicking back. It was nice of her to come round, and we did a lot of talking. We talked briefly about Michelle and unfortunately after that I was rather melancholy for the rest of the day to a certain extent. Later on I needed to get some air, so we went to the botanical gardens and walked about a lot of places where I'd never been. We went right around the back, and when we got back to the front gates they were locked. Unfortunately there is a high barb-wire topped fence all around the gardens and after searching fruitlessly for a way through, we had to climb and jump over which wasn't particularly exciting. ;)
About 6:30 pm, Mum called and the phone line was very bad, so I told her I might come home for a week sometime in September and that was about all because of the line. Nikki left after, and I was glad we had been able to have such a nice day just bumming around. At around 7:00 pm, Red dropped around because we were going out to dinner with Jules. I decided to go moleskins, Irish jersey and black overcoat which I thought looked rather snazzy. Around college was all the people getting ready for the Ball, so we managed to avoid most of them thankfully. We walked into town and went to the Turkish place on Bunda St. I had a headache and wasn't feeling enormously talkative, but the restaurant gave us plenty of amusement. After that we went searching for coffee and ended up at a Café in Garema Place and we bumped into Heather, Jules and Jules' mum. This was rather ironic and definitely unexpected. She said we must be "cast-off's from the Ball" which is genuine Heather style… *lol* anyway, we had coffee and further chats and eventually we walked Red to the Bus stop and for about 15 minutes, we took the absolute piss out of a shop which was selling absolute junk, God that was really funny. *smile*
Red then jumped on her bus, and Jules and I wandered back to college which was thankfully still quiet and bummed about in my room sending ICQ to Soba and Red and eating jelly beans, so that was a nice wind down to the evening, and at the end of it gosh was I tired… Has an unusual dream where I saw Michelle having her surgery done, I guess that was a flow over from thinking about her the previous day. I guess I am sad that I am going to miss a dear friend, for any social faux pas which I had made, and that I didn't get to know her as well as I would have liked to… *sigh*
So I had breakfast and I went into town for a cycle just to enjoy myself and buy the paper. Headed back to Johns where the out the back day was starting up, and said a brief hello to Jules who had been playing computer games all morning.
I was feeling very uninspired and without direction, so I went to the lab to drink and think, and then I came back to Johns where I did some more thinking and so forth and then decided to go back into town to buy some computer discs. I got some very snazzy transparent ones from Grace Bros. And was just walking around the Canberra Center wondering what I would do with my disposable income once I had paid off Johns in about a week.
I'm not sure where the thought came from, but I started thinking about cosmetic surgery, probably as a result of Michelle going under the knife in a few weeks anyway. I crashed down on padded seat and did some quick calculations. I wanted to know how long it would take me to save $4000, and I figured at a minimum that would take about 4 months which would be right before Xmas. Now the earliest I could get anything done would be after the Canberra conference in mid-February. However, I would be paying Johns from January onwards again, so this mean only up to the turn of the New-Year or so.
Then of course is the question of what I would get done. I was thinking of probably getting my chin and/or jaw reshaped and maybe a tracheal shave also. I don't hate my feature enough to really go berserk, so I figure the Adam's apple won't really be missed, and the chin is the part of my face which requires the first work. I'm not sure what effect oestrogens will have on fat redistribution on my face, so maybe instead I should save this money for laser
electrolysis at the end of next year? Or alternatively what about paying Johns for next year so I'll really be ahead? I only just thought about this last one, and it seems to make the most sense. I definitely can't get any electrolysis done until after the Roaccutane has done its work, and no surgery due to the possible scarring with the sensitive skin. I figure that $4000 will pay 2/3 rd's of my John's fees for next year. Also, if I get a demonstrating position, I could potentially be completely paid up very early in the year… hmmm… this might be the way to go I think. I will have to talk with the John's accountant, but I don't think that it should be a problem…
So, at least financially I appear to have a plan for the next few months. It's usually about this time of year that I get schemes and ideas like the cosmetic surgery one (e.g. hair extensions), mostly because I suddenly have money to spend which is unusual for the first half of the year. So, if I could have John's paid off for 2000 by the end of April, it would be really great. Of course there are always annoying expenses like Xmas shopping, stupid student fees and ridiculous John's additional fee's, but they can be figured in.

So, I guess my plan would be something like,

Pay Johns off by end of April 2000.
Begin laser electrolysis about the same time (very expensive) *ouch*
Consider saving for possible surgery at the end of the year.

Based upon the appointment I went to with Michelle and what Jen had to say, I believe that the laser electro (if it actually works) would be ~ $113 per session of 45 minutes, and looking at maybe 20 sessions. So that tabulates to about 20 weeks and ~$2500. Like I said, another big expense, but fortunately not too hideous I guess. Now, provided I had paid Johns before I started, this would still leave me with about ~$300 or so per week which could be put aside for the end of the year (depending on how busy I am) or the end of the Ph.D. for some surgery.
I guess I feel much better now, usually I am so nebulous that I can't come up with any realistic long-term plans, but this one seem reasonable. I will run it past Red or Jules and make sure there are no gaping holes in it that I have completely over-looked.
Now being very honest with myself here, I guess the thing I am concerned with is the comparison between the extensions and cosmetic surgery. The hair extensions were definitely a major step (for a first step) but in the end I was quite glad to be rid of them. How will it be with changes to the bony structure of my face. I'm not entirely sure. Like I said, I don't hate my features, it's just that I know that they could be improved. I'm not sure why I have selected my chin as the beginning, I guess it's because my nose is fine and I don't have any other scars or major problems which require dealing with. I think it's because the jaw line is such an important cue to others which is very difficult to conceal. Hat's, scarves and other ways of disguising can be used for certain parts of the face, but the mouth area and hence the chin and jaw area along with the eyes are areas of major focus in interaction with others. This is especially important give the differences between the chins of men and those of women. So the important thing to remember is the general irreversibility of cosmetic surgery, hence the need to be sure. Obviously I will want to go through with it and my parents will absolutely not want me to do it, and most other people I know haven't even considered the possibility, and even if they have they don't understand the importance of passing effectively.
I was reading a copy of "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstein and I was wondering where are the books written by those TG's or TS's who don't pass well? Does this mean that non-passing TS's don't write? Or because the "leadership" of TG communities are made up of the cream of the hierarchy, the passing post-op TS's? I've yet to hear about a book calling for a TG community written by any others.