Today has not been a good day… In theory, there was a plan for drinks to celebrate a friend's birthday sometime. But either this was a situation which did not eventuate, or quite possibly I was simply not invited. It's hard. The people who I thought were friends either don't give a toss about me, or just don't want me at their little gatherings anymore. I lived with these people for over two years, and to find out that you keep getting excluded from events you thought you should have some little right to be at is hard. I don't know how much this has to do with me being trans, but it really hurts anyway.
The other sucky thing that happened today is that a whole bunch of private high school boys arrived for their annual rowing camp. I walked past some of them as I got my pizza, and then later when they got back from the lake they walked past my windows and I could hear them saying "There's the Tranny". Ok, whatever I don't really care about that, but some of them have been given rooms on both the corridors near to me, and now I have to share showers and other facilities with them for a week. Nothing to do with the fact that they are the wonderful people who were harassing me on the answering machine last year. I've taken the sign and name-tag off my door, I guess if I leave no traces maybe I'll get away with minimal irritation. Time as always will tell.
There's a beautiful full moon out tonight, and apparently Canada will get a full lunar eclipse, that would be pretty cool.

11:00 pm - I was lying on my bed this afternoon, just feeling unloved and pathetic, and I really wanted to cry. I just couldn't though. I was quite upset and all I could manage was a lump in my throat and an awful numbness in my stomach. I wish I could have an emotional catharsis, I think it would help a lot at the moment. *sigh*
I'm really missing Red. She is so much a point of light in my life. She should be back on the 30th Jan.
I don't really want too much at the moment, but what I really want I can't have… another person for me to lay my head in their lap and them to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be Ok.
In other more bland news, I paid John's two weeks pay and did a lot of scanning of spectra today. I was busy, and that helped keep my mind occupied which was good.
Chatting to Soba, we're both feeling down-and-out…

1:15 am - Just finished chatting, now to bed I'm pretty tired in my bones.