11:30 pm - Saturday 22nd January 2000

Today was not a good day…

I want to rip out my eyes so I never see a false smile again.
I want my ears to burst so I never hear another sweetly sung lie.
Cut out my tongue for if I speak I shall only scream.
Take away my heart, so I may kiss restful oblivion.

I had a lump in my throat the size of an orange all afternoon, and if I had succeeded in my desire to get "The Mission" out on video, I would have been an emotional mess (well, more completely). Fortunately Mum rang and I am feeling better now. I watched "Labyrinth" on video tonight and that helped to distract my mind.
There's too much I want to say here, and who knows what the people will think of what I might have had to say anyway… I feel betrayed, friendless and alone. I will "Get over it" but I will not be the same person again…

1