Today was good, sort of up and down but good. This morning was shaving… I know most of the people who read this diary probably shave either their legs or their face or both, but Sheesh! Hassle-o-rama or what!?! I can't wait to get my booking for laser electrolysis, hopefully sometime next week would be good.
Anyway, I after some time at the lab around midday, I got changed into the little purple top which I've been to afraid previously to wear and jeans and cycled into town. I needed some essential bike parts and I figured I should try and do some clothes shopping whilst I actually had money. This was all accomplished without too much hassle, and I took the opportunity whilst in Target (yes, I do shop at the generic, cheap end of the market, but I'm a student so sue me *s*) to look and ask myself did I see a guy there in the mirror?
I don't know anymore, I think I can pass a casual inspection but fail upon closer observation or when I have to speak. It's not such a problem really, I haven't even been on estrogen for 6 months and I'm still learning. More clues, more gender clues. As I joked with Peta once, as gender clues approach infinity, doubt about gender from others approaches zero… thank you Mr. Newton. ;)
Wondering about passing is something all trans people worry about, because we have to live in this bi-polar gender based society. So I don't think I'm vain. The analogy from Anne Bolin's "In Search of Eve" is one of puberty for young girls, waiting to become someone. Like Rini wanting to be like Serena, a young, glamorous woman.
Anyway, the rest of the day was spent variously at the lab, at home on my bed painting my toenails with the new polish I bought and then snoozing and cooking dinner. It was such a gorgeous day, a wonderful bright but cool autumn day in Canberra, in the late afternoon I lay on my bed as the warm sun came streaming through my windows onto where I was lying on my bed… ahhh… bliss…
Last night I spoke with Soba on the phone, and it looks as though she will be returning to the east coast of Australia. She is planning to stay at her parents caravan a few hours south of Canberra while she waits on job interviews. I hope it goes well for her. I don't know whether I will move out with her if she gets a job in Canberra, I guess it depends on us discussing it some more.
Red's 21st birthday is next Saturday, her girlfriend Pauline whom none of us have ever seen (I saw a photo for the first time on Wednesday) but have all heard about will be coming down. Red is a good friend, but sometimes I get extremely pissed off that she won't even make the effort to use my new name. I am going to have to resort to calling her by her real name (which she wants to change) to get her agreement. Of all my friends, it is her lack of even an effort which bugs me the most… Grrrr….
11:50 pm - I'm so incredibly bored, I might go to bed. Gee whiz, the thrilling life I lead… well, it was either that or go back to the lab…blah.