Ok the last few days. Saturday was interesting yet tiring. I spent a good chunk of the day lying on the floor of my room in a sun-beam just thinking about stuff and reconstructing my ego. In the morning I watched "Wizard of Oz". I'd never seen it before, and it was interesting to see all the stuff which had seeped into our culture from that one film.
Later that night I drove down to Phillip where Jules and I watched a video. It was nice, but the drive back was like sitting in a freezer. I did intend to go to the Meridian, but yet again I didn't even though I was not tired, I couldn't face being stuck in a place with loud music and the only escape being the frozen tundra outside.
Sunday was incredibly lazy and I didn't get out of John's until 2:00 pm. I only went to the lab and into Civic to buy some food. I need to eat more green stuff, my current diet features cheese sandwiches as it's chief component. Mind you, they're wholesome, filling and simplicity itself to prepare. ;)
I watched most of the rest of my videos, and that was that.
Lying in bed that night, I kept questioning what I was doing regarding transition. Was it right for me? Was it really what I wanted, or was I somehow deluding myself? How could one tell? Daylight brought sense and sensibility back again, and I know this is the right path. Getting my tax form and payroll changed to female was a big step (perhaps bigger than I realized at the time) because my new details are now tied up with the government and needs to be consistent for future employers. But, I know I did what needed to be done. Sometimes I forget where I have come from. My life is seemingly falling into place with ease, and that "ease" makes me forget all the awful stuff which came before. I've forgotten what drove me to this point, and as the anger has died slowly, I begin to have doubts.
But it matters not.
Sunday - After doing the whole shower and laundry thing I met up with Peta B in Civic. Because of the ongoing ICQ and email fiasco I hadn't communicated with her in ages, and she is a person whom I like spending time with. We did coffee and chat's and I filled her in on the latest gossip happening in Canberra (none to do with my so-called life). Then we wandered over to the Canberra gallery which had a photo exhibition which was interesting and a Belgian cultural display which was not half as good as the "Paster Pottery" (sp?) display. This was chintzy mass produced knick-knack ornaments from the 50's. The sort of glazed pottery vase or ash-tray you might have seen at a relative's place long ago. It was very tacky.
Then I dragged her over to Target to go clothes shopping, and though I was eyeing some black pants, I went for just a top instead. I need to actually get over to the shoe shop over in Kingston and see what they have as Peta B recommended them.
I might call Jules to see if he wants to do Pizza and video tonight, Susan doesn't get back from her Grand-dad's place until about Wednesday I think. Alternatively I might call Soba and see what she is up to.
10:35 pm - Tomorrow is ANZAC Day. It commemorates the landing of Australian, New Zealand and other Allied troops at Gallipoli (Turkey) in 1915. Militarily it was an unmitigated disaster, but socially it formed the core of Australian identity. I feel very strongly about remembering the contribution of those who fought and those who fell. I always go to the dawn service, however this year I don't know what time it is on (Ok, at dawn ha, ha). Guess I'll just get up nice and early.
I am still thinking (No, not obsessing, just thinking *g*) about the move. I am thinking about Toad Hall which long ago I thought briefly about when I first got to Canberra. I don't know how much it is per week because the ANU server is down dammit it.
However, I have formulated something approaching a plan. (Shock, horror!)
1) Get credit card extended.
2) Find and pay off accommodation.
3) Balance credit card (if necessary).
4) Pay for a full electrolysis clearance.
5) See # 3
I find that I needlessly fritter money away if I have nothing to put it towards. However, being in debt frightens me and is a good way for me not to have money which I would just spend on luxuries like food and clothing anyway. ;)
Blend electrolysis here in Canberra seems very expensive by comparison, but my plan remains the same in terms of getting it cleared and zapping whatever remains with traditional galvanic. I need to book a few test runs to determine the effect on my skin and gauge my tolerance to pain.
Ever heard a quote something along the lines of "If you eat one more donut, you'll become a donut"? I'm currently wondering what proportion of my blood is hemoglobin and what part Diet Coke…
Ok, 11:00 pm, I'll wrap this up and post the rest of my entries and go to bed.