Ever lose something, but you know it had to be close by somewhere? You know it's around, but you keep looking and looking and "where the hell is it?" At the moment, I know there is a small kernel of motivation somewhere deep inside me, but I've looked and searched and I damn-well can't find it.
Today was, as you can probably guess, very slow. I got up late (almost slept in until 9 am!), paid John's off, paid off Toad for my bond and first few weeks of accommodation (about ~$1500 for the two *sting*). Then booked hair and doctor's appointments. Dr S**** was on holiday, but since all I need to do is get my scripts refilled, I managed to get some other Doctor whom I'd never heard of.
I believe that I have come to the hardest part of my Ph.D., tidying up the loose ends. Normally, if I hit a big snag I go around it. However, the time has come for all those snags to be tidied up, and that kind of sucks. The only thing that can be done is to knuckle down, avoid interesting but distracting side reactions and get it done. However, with my motivation reaching it's apparent low ebb this isn't the easy story that it might have been. Hence, work sucks.
I have also started on some Provera (Medroxy-progesterone 10 mg/day) to evaluate it for myself, and this may be a reason for my seeming unmotivation. No real mental effects as such, definitely not the horror story Illara reported last year.
I want to go jogging, but the prospect of stepping out of my room (body temperature =~38 degrees) into the winter air (temperature =~5 degrees) is far from alluring. The alternatives are to shower (warmth) or to snuggle into bed for a nap (warmth)… and I wonder why I am so unfit. The alternative which I have been considering is to go to the gym. Of course, at the gym, there are people who may find my "non-traditional" body shape "disconcerting".

8:15 pm - Well, I feel a bit better now, I went to the gym, signed up for a month, did a few hundred meters of the rowing machine and other exercise and then came back in time to catch the compulsory talk on sexual harassment awareness. I stayed behind afterwards to ask privately what the ANU policy is on transphobia, and also to see what the "atmosphere" of understanding was within the University. It seems they are doing something, even though no hard policies are in place for people like myself with fluid gender.

10:00 pm - Again the evil demons of procrastination have been beaten back. Carbon 13 NMR (13C NMR) takes the longest time (overnight) and is the second last of the characterization techniques I use to show I've made a compound. 13C NMR (similar to the MRI they use in hospitals) time is in short supply, hence I have to book ahead, I nearly cancelled tonight because I was too exhausted, but fortunately the little green car was obliging despite the cold, and got me over there and back without me collapsing from cold and exhaustion.
And who says I don't appreciate the small things any more. *g*

Tomorrow night I may be having dinner over at Peta G's house, and so I am a bit nervous. I've never met J***** before, so I don't know what to expect and I hope I can generate enough fluff without looking like an air-head. With T****, I like him, but I understand that an 11 year old must find anyone even a few years older incomprehensible, because you have the whole mind and body change from puberty between you and "adults". Oh well, the worst they can do is "tar and feather" me I suppose and steal my car keys. *joke*