I'm in a good mood, and although it isn't troubling me, there is one thing I can't get out of mind, an question I have no proper answer for.
Basically, if I was to stop hormones now and try to live as a guy, would I be any different? Not really that, but maybe; What is stopping me from stopping all this and just being a semi-normal guy? I'm finding it hard to phrase the question. It relates back to getting an orchidectomy. Some of the hormonal changes would reverse if I was to stop taking my pills, but an orchidectomy would leave me permanently changed, and impact if I wanted to go back to living as a guy. So maybe the question was, what is stopping me from going back to living as a guy?
I believe I'm doing it again, I'm underestimating the happiness and joy I get from being female. I can't gauge my happiness of now versus then, one of life's paths has been taken, and I can't really imagine how life might have been if I had never come to Canberra and walked down this path by a series of degrees.
Yes, it the doubts again, I suppose I know they'll always be there, the "Did I do the right thing?" questions. But knowing that they'll always be there gives me power over them to ensure that I justify what I do with my life, to make things WORTHWHILE.
I remember the happy times when I was being "the boy", and I gloss over the internal confusion and disgust at myself. It's why humans are nostalgic, because they remember the good, and the bad times are pardoned and forgotten. So again, I ask myself "Do I want to stay on this path?"

Maybe it's good that I can address these questions in the good times rather than when I'm a crushed ball of depression, I don't need to question my decisions in addition to whatever other sorry I am wrapped in.
I sometimes wonder what the difference between Prozac keeping a person happy, and hormones keeping me happy are? Are hormones simply a mood stabilizer. NO. Because it's not simply a matter of the hormones acting on my mind, it also seeing what the hormones are doing to my body, the change towards a more feminine shape which makes me happy. Like an obese person might be happy when taking Xenica because they see their body changing to something they like i.e. losing weight. It is true that the hormones have had an effect on my mind, and this is something about which I was quite concerned, since to get anywhere in this life, I need to rely on my brain.
What I believe has happened is that I am less "sharp" than I used to be, but more "broad". My memory takes more jogging, but my emotive span has widened. I am happy that I have not encountered "weeping mess" syndrome, because although sometimes I long for it, this is not a time where it would be convenient. Maybe one day, the final bridging of the emotional gap will be complete, but at the moment I need my strength, my sense of purpose, and my desire to be what I can be. Second thoughts need to be put aside…

It's only when you have nothing that you're free to do anything…

So, I ask again "Do I want to stay on this Path?" The answer is yes…
"Do I fully understand why this is my path?" No, not fully. That is only found by living life, not by constant self-examination.