And it's true… I have all these thoughts pinging around in my brain, and it seems the only way I can find relief these days is to "write" them away. These days I seem almost to have a compulsion, a desperate need to write. Perhaps I think I have reached a critical mass, where after so many very ordinary diary entries I am finally practiced enough to actually be able to tap deep into my emotive stream, and instead of a trickle I've hit a main artery.
You see, I was trying not to write tonight, I wanted to put it off until tomorrow so that I would have "something of substance" to say, but I guess like all addicts I couldn't put off getting my next hit.
I don't feel selfish in the sense that this diary is for the most part about me, simply because I'm hardly able to write about any other subject (except chemistry) with such fervor or intimate knowledge, and this is after all my diary. That I put it up on the web makes it no less that.
A girl from LA wrote to me today, and in her email and the feedback she gave me, I suppose I came to see a few things with more insight. The College friends I made were people brought together in one place and time by a common goal of education. The cliques that formed and subsequent friendships are bound and bordered by that common sense and purpose (if a true friendship can be formed, that bliss surrounds me like falling rose petals). I once thought my friends were "fleeing to suburbia" and in many ways I think that is true. I will try in my usual Piscean way (i.e. trying to blame myself for it) to get over it, but the problem; to paraphrase the fox in "The Little Prince", is that I am "tamed too easily". (For those who haven't read the book, please, please get or borrow a copy).
In more prosaic news, I have a appointment with Dr S**** tomorrow afternoon where I'll ask for a referral to a psychologist, preferably Dr E**** as recommended by Peta G. (Have I got enough pseudonyms there? *g*)
I've also reached the end of my progesterone, so that experiment has come to an end. Personally I think it's been quite successful, but it would have made more sense to have actually take some measurements before and after, oh well.