2:10 am - Wednesday 19th July 2000

Today was a bit of a hard day.

Basically it came back to people in the lab pretty much ignoring me unless I was the only person in the room. I just felt quite marginalized, and meeting with Peta G just made me feel more isolated (though it was really nice to see her again).
I ranted at Anti-Jen, the only place I seem to be able to turn to for that sort of thing these days, and I felt slightly better.

Hi all,

Yeah you're probably saying "Steph's having one of her little fits, whatever do they put in the water down there?"

But can you see where I'm coming from? All of us derive something from the T* "community" and when all is said and done it falls back to virtually no-one to actually repay that debt.

I am torn between the knowledge that this is a personal issue and therefore people have their own choice to go stealth or not, but at the same time it's also greater than just a personal issue and therefore it requires consideration perhaps of more than just personal concerns.

I'm not expecting anyone to pick up a placard and march on Washington (or Canberra) but you don't have to be "out" to actually do stuff.
An example (and I'll try to remain calm) is that of post-op's (like Lisa mentioned) who won't have the slightest to do with others who started after them, for whatever fear. Arrgghhh!! It just frustrates me so badly, it's like learning at University for years and then not telling anyone you're an expect in a very rare but in-demand field. I suppose I've been lucky, but how many people (worse off in their gender dysphoria than you or I) have to wait until they are 45 before they can find enough information to make the decision to transition. I know I wasted at least 3 or 4 years till I met my first TS friend, she's now post-op and is erasing her past and those things (including yours truly) that go with it...

I find it really hard, Australia has a tiny T* population, and living in a tiny city like this it's harder still. Just to have someone say "You think you're alone at this University, but you're not" might have eased some of the loneliness and heart-ache that I was the only "freak" around. Maybe it's different or easier in bigger cities and societies, but I don't live there.

So, excuse my little fit, I felt like I was having a slow heart-attack all day today, it just really hurt to feel abandoned. I hope this doesn't descend into "stealth vs. non-stealth", and I really want to thank everyone for their continuing input.

Steph
(2:35 am and trying to sleep)

That was my response to the Anti-Jen list. It comes down to helping doesn't mean you have to be "out", we are and always will be (at some level) transsexuals, and we need to stop making it so hard on the "next wave" who might have the internet but no personal contact.

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