12:15 am - Tuesday 26th September 2000

How much pain is "enough"?

>I find this interesting, and certainly it's something I've seen happen
>elsewhere. That a person who sincerely that HRT is "absolutely" the thing
>they require and then along comes a relationship (Usually this is a case of
>a MtF and a new girlfriend) and their desire to go ahead with HRT and
>transition disappears.

What if a person is a Crossdressing male, and through depression believes that his life would be so much better as one of these elusive women he's trying to woo, and then along comes a nice girl, who makes him feel better about himself and then the TS urge (which wasn't genuine) fades away like a sunset on fast forward?????

Just a though…

This is another snippet from the Adult Anti-Jen list. The volume of mail is relatively low, but the content usually intrigues me.

But the point is (I could have left this as an elusive and seemingly cryptic thought, but writing sometimes helps me nut things out by myself) exactly where is the line between depressed crossdresser and an in-honeymoon-bliss TS drawn? As a firm believer in the slippery bell-curve, I don't think there is a fixed point.

Would I give up my HRT and transition for a new relationship? Obviously I would not wish to, but the testing of my resolve has not yet come to pass, so I can't say. It's my personal and eternal question, what if something in the future causes me to do a complete about face? I think this is a question which will torment me eternally simply due to my overly-analytical and generally wishy-washy nature, the great "What if". Unfortunately I have a "What if" question which doesn't have any currently conceived possibilities, but is that because they do not exist or because I'm not clever or experienced enough to figure them out?

I'm trying not to get into a circular set of questions of "Who is genuinely a transsexual?" because that is as dangerous as asking "Who is genuinely a woman?" the question by it's very nature leads to the construction of boundaries which eventually exclude someone who possibly shouldn't be.

I suppose the best possible answer to "Who is genuinely a transsexual?" is "Anyone who wants to be." With the sub-clause of "And who is willing to go through the pain and loneliness of being this way."

I guess I'm having dark whispers subconsciously which say "You're doing Ok, imagine how much better it might have been if you'd stayed trying to be a guy". Of course, these unprovoked whisperers in the darkness don't play fair, because when things are going bad, they say "You're doing so badly, imagine how much better it might have been if you'd stayed trying to be a guy".

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