Right now I am in a serious bit of angst wondering whether I've gone to far in my transition. My competing line of thought is as follows…
My face is Ok, but probably not good enough to pass given my other physical liabilities.
Looking like an obvious TS could well damage my job prospects and chance at earning enough money for surgery, living and so on.
Facial surgery may be a possible option to improve my passability.
I could only afford facial surgery after I get a job - Refer back to point 2.
Anyway, given that in the last few days with the heat I've been wearing singlet tops with my breast forms, have asked to be called Steph and "she", have I just driven my life over a cliff? The advice I had sought solace in at TS-Roadmap which said; get on hormones/start electrolysis/grow your hair early, and which gave me such a boost 18 months ago, now reads (perhaps selectively) "don't rush into transition" "don't get stuck half-way looking like a guy in drag".
Things which are now torturing my mind… maybe I do pass, and this is all just a nightmare from which I will soon awake, but I know full well that even something as simple as a football jersey makes me look like the guy I don't want to be seen as.
The money problem is a big one, whilst I do my Ph.D., I have personal freedom to be who I am, but I am so economically crippled I can't see anyway up. I know there are other people who are in similar financial positions to myself and who are transitioning, but for them they have the possibility of getting a second job and working extra hours means extra cash.
I hate where I'm living, there's virtually no privacy, I can't mix and match how I present myself, I'm always been watched, stared at, examined. I long for the privacy of an apartment, something else that only money can bring any closer.