7:40 pm - Wednesday 4th April 2001

Ok everyone, I'm about to discuss a sensitive issue (literally), so some people may not wish to proceed further. (You have been warned)

Masturbation. This really hurts and has for a fair while. 100 mg of Androcur is an amazingly good contraceptive against unwanted visitations, but sometimes that skin needs to be stretched, and currently it's about once every few months. Mostly it is fine, but there's a sore spot at the same place every time. Nothing serious, and the logical answer is moisturizing and more stretching, but that's at the more unwanted end of the spectrum. When I give my body to a lover, I don't want them to see me in my current state. A state which is likely to persist for some time. As it is I don't have much sex simply because I have to love the person who I want to have sex with, and this has been amazingly rare over the past couple of years. I find it very difficult to have sex with strangers, lame as it sounds I find it more enjoyable to pleasure a partner whom I love than myself.

9:30 pm - Today was mostly spent at laser physics running samples. I missed stick-training (aka, fighter practice) and got home fairly exhausted. I phoned and sorted out the confusion from last night. This I am grateful for.
Another young T* person contacted me today, and I might be meeting her next week, providing she is not a tranny-chaser posing as a young transgendered person. I swear I've seen it before, and nothing pisses me off more…

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