Chili's Archives


Last Updated June 7, 1998


June, 1997 July, 1997 August, 1997 October, 1997 November, 1997
January, 1998 March, 1998 April, 1998



June, 1997


What is it with people and sex?!!
No matter what the form, no matter what the opinion, people are obsessed with sex. If they're not getting it, then they're obsessed with everyone else's! As gay, bi and transgendered men and women, we probably are more aware of this bizarre human quirk than others. The word is spoken, and visualized, by most people of the "straight" persuasion: homoSEXual. We may have been celibate hermits for 12 years, and the disclosure that we are 'other than straight' will stir the passions in the primitive human psyche dealing with the sexual drive.
Nowhere is this obsession more evident than in the far reaches of cyberspace. Spend any measurable amount of time in any of the myriad chat rooms on the 'net, and, sooner or later, an exuberant post will appear: "Hey, anybody wanna ****??"
The obsession sometimes takes a more subtle form. On Easter Sunday, to my utter astonishment, in one of the most philosophically and spiritually centered sites on the Web, a group of cyber-surfers gleefully divested themselves of all their 'netwear', and had a skinny-dipping party in a pool of strawberry jell-o. What happened?? I frequent this room often, and knew many of these people to be deeply spiritual and philosophical…yet, on a 'holy day', of all days, a cosmic cue went out, and for about 45 minutes, the room was in chaos.
What was a girl to do? Breaking under the pressure, I joined in. Fully clothed, of course. I am, after all, an old-fashioned girl.
On the other hand, in cyberspace, this obsession can be annoying, and destructive. At one site dedicated to exploring the spiritual nature of human sexuality, a large percentage of the posts easily fall under cybersex. It's difficult to sift out the garbage from the worthwhile offerings. At the same time, fundamentalists often drop in to offer their fun-loving $.02-worth. What I find alarming is the potential for damage that exists in these rooms because of some people's out-of-control obsession with sex. A young person may find he or she has no where else to turn for answers about themselves and their sexuality but the Web. While they will certainly find positive feedback, it is also certain that they will be the target of cyber-pimps and the holier-than-thou, cruising the rooms looking for a target.
Somehow, the human race needs to be gently taught how to put sex into perspective.
Perhaps we, as gay, bi and transgendered people, can begin to affect humanity's obsession with sex, by showing ourselves to be normal men and women; less concerned with our next sexual encounter than we are with meeting next month's rent, next week's exam, or tomorrow's work deadline. I think we could take the lead in reeducating people about the joy of sex, the responsibilities that go with it, and its proper place among the whole of human experience. All just by being ourselves. That's not to say I won't participate in the next Jell-o fun-fest…I might even lose my shoes and socks next time!!




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July, 1997


Have you ever wished you could completely redo your image? Have you wished your eyes were a different color, or you were a different shape, or even a different gender?
There is no place like the Web to fulfill this dream. Moving across the cyber-scape in complete anonymity, it is possible to be a completely different person, the one you've always wanted to be. In Web-Land, the Nerds become Dudes, the 'brainers become knockout gorgeous, and people swap genders from site to site with only a bit of imagination. I myself have an alternate personality on the Web at times, where I can embrace my masculine side without feeling overly self-conscious. My alter-ego is suave, debonair. He is not drop-dead gorgeous, but he is mercifully free from that phenomenon known as 'love handles'.
Those of us who have found a niche in life, and are reasonably happy where we are, can enter Web-Land for a few hours a week, and return to reality with no difficulties, still secure with ourselves and our lot in life. In one chat room, I am a dutiful courtier to a beautiful queen, and in another, a rough-and-ready space mercenary. One night, a couple of other surfers and I fought off a horde of killer gremlins, defending the chat room from the slimy beasties with laser pistols and grenades. For a little while, I can transport myself anywhere I wish to go, with only a few strokes on the keyboard and a little imagination. Then I take myself back home to my reality, and am as happy there as anywhere in Web-Land.
But what about the ones who are not as contented as I? Is the Web a blessing for them or a well-disguised curse? I often find myself wondering about the people at the keyboard guiding my fellow surfers through cyberspace. Are they happy? How close to the real person is the one I'm interacting with in the chatroom? Then my thoughts move to the young people who are coming to terms with their sexuality, no matter what it may be. Has Web-Land become a hideout for them; an unreal fantasyland keeping them from discovering their own unique identity, and the value of that identity?
It is fun to make a new personality, to be someone else for a while. But perhaps the bolder move would be to be ourselves in cyberspace. As much as I enjoy my alter ego courtier and mercenary, I am happiest when I am myself, responding to questions from young people about their sexuality, and sharing my true face with them. I hope that I am giving them something valuable by being myself. I hope I am helping them be a bit braver in their reality, by showing them how to be proud of who they are.
But should some killer gremlins show up in your chatroom, you know who to call….;-)



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August, 1997


The web is a dream for those of us with limited budgets…we can surf all over the world, listen to music, catch up on all the latest sports scores, shop from your den, visit exotic places, chat with people from every imaginable place on the globe…all without leaving your chair for one moment…except to get a sandwich and Coke, or take a break to go to the loo.
Yet, the World Wide Web has managed to once again underscore a major human quirk…our species is rarely happy with what we have. We always want more, and we want it faster, and we want it free…or at least cheap.
For several months, I frequented a place on the web that was spiritual, progressive, tolerant…a left-of-center lesbian's dream. I can be myself here, no holds barred, no strings attached. I came to consider this place my Web-Home, and grew very fond of it. The friends I've made there are people of sound mind and strong character, and the same love of life and freedom as myself. The owners of this site work extraordinary hours to make this site the best it can be. The cost in personal time, money and health has been enormous…and it just doesn't seem to be enough to a lot of the people who stop through.
About a month ago, I decided that if I was to call this site my Home on the Web, I should show my gratitude by paying a little "rent", so I purchased a membership. I feel great about doing so…I'm glad I'm helping the site masters keep this little corner of cyberspace running, and improving. Now I get more news about what's going on behind the scenes and am even more in awe at the dedication of these two guys…and even more annoyed at the riffraff, and freeloaders who breeze through my "home", bash the hell out of it, its owners and its residents, then breeze on out again, leaving anger, shock and sometimes even fear in their wake.
It's happening everywhere on the Web. Without one word of thanks, or a hint of financial support, these vultures settle in, ignoring the mission statements of the sites, offering critical and negative feedback, bashing everyone in sight, and whine that they have no privileges at these sites. Freeloading off the goodwill and good intentions of the webmasters, and the regulars, they often end up ruining it for everyone.
Most annoying are-dare I say it?-those gay men and women who stop through and act like asses. They make their orientation clear, then proceed to act in all the half-assed, stereotypical ways that have the religious conservatives pounding their pulpits and foaming at the mouth. The anonymity of the Web overpowers their good sense (if any existed in the first place), and off they go.
If you've found a gay site, or a site that supports gays, please support them right back. Purchase a membership, or send a small donation…or even just a note of thanks. It can mean so much to those people working hard behind the scenes, often without pay, and in their free time. And please, stop and think how your actions will affect the rest of your GLBT brothers and sisters. If you can't do any of the above, then just do us all a favor: shut up, move on, and stop tossing trash in our backyards.



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October, 1997


We've all got a streak of vanity in us. Something that believes we are interesting, and have something important to say. We believe if we could show others that special something, they'd think so, too.
The Web gives us an opportunity like no other to show others how terrific we are. Personal home pages have gone up at a staggering rate in the last 4 or 5 years, as more people realize the potential for self-marketing on the 'Net. The most popular domains are those that offer "FREE" home pages. People who would never have even tried to learn a computer language for any other reason are frantically learning HTML, the better to create a virtual monument.
The subjects of home pages on the 'Net are as diverse as the people who populate this planet. Home pages are the greatest tutorials of culture and societies in the 1990's. They have awesome potential for education, help, and hope.
Sadly, too many of them fall far short of their potential. There's nothing wrong with a little blatant self-promotion, or self-indulgence. But in the case of gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people, I wonder if we can afford to stop there when we consider our own home pages.
Take, for example, XXX-rated sites. (You knew I was going to, didn't you?) Isn't there really enough gay sex sites on the Web, now? What on earth could any of us add that wouldn't just be a "been-there-done-that" experience for anyone who comes across our pages? What if, instead of X-rated pics, we included pics of our friends and acquaintances who do community work? What if we included our stories of coming out, of families and work, and friends? What if we put something on our pages that was so typically human, 'normal' and (gasp) 'straight', that it would immediately obliterate the line between 'us' and 'them'? There are examples all over the Web of gay men and women doing just that. They've found a way to make a Gay site that tells the world just who they are, in terms and images that leaves no room to doubt their humanity and untold worth.
Isn't our true goal, in our search for acceptance, to remove the barriers and labels of 'gay' and 'straight', to dispel the stereotypes and prejudices, and gain some understanding? Why not keep that in mind when you go about designing your website? You have the power at your fingertips to make a statement about gay men and women.



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November, 1997


Over the last few months, I've been discussing how the Web can be a great tool for gay and lesbian people in presenting a more positive picture of gay folks to the world at large. There is one big part of the Web, though, that can be the most valuable tool available if used correctly.
There are hundreds of spots on the Web where people congregate to converse about different topics. I'm not talking about chat rooms, but bulletin boards and discussion boards.
In my opinion, discussion boards can be more valuable as a communication tool than chat rooms when you want to get information out. In a chat room, conversation flows by just like real time discussion. It's likely that many things will be missed, and lost forever. Sometimes, if there are a lot of people in one room, it's almost impossible to keep up with conversation. Only a few people will ever hear what you have to say, and it will probably be forgotten as soon as they leave the chatroom.
On a discussion board, however, people can choose a topic, such as politics and religion, and carefully craft what they want to say. And, most importantly, your post will stay for at least a month, sometimes more, depending on the site. There is an opportunity for many more people to hear what you have to say. It will also show how you interact with people. Because it is much more permanent than a chatroom, one must be aware of how they behave themselves. Your words and attitudes are on display for the whole world to see.
Try participating in a discussion board. The opportunities for changing attitudes and ideas are limitless, and limited only by your own attitude and perseverance. Good luck.



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January, 1998


The City Council is at it again-on their white stallions, saving Sioux City from those nasty Planned Parenthood people. Planned Parenthood wants a new facility-their current building is falling apart, is not accessible to handicapped people, and is just too small. Pro-lifers say the agency has decided there's "money to be made in Sioux City", and the abortion mill will begin just as soon as PP finds a nice building to set up shop in. God forbid the people of theis area should have a place to go for information about responsible sex and parenting, STD's, birth control, and adoption. Damn the facts, ma'am, and full speed ahead. We've got morals and neighborhoods to protect. No wonder the fundamentalists in this town feel perky enough to persecute honest business people-they have the City Council to show them how to do it.
Now the Council wants to restrict the placement of clinics that "could" perform abortions, and keep them away from residential neighborhoods, parks, playgrounds, daycares and schools. Ah, zoning! The preferred weapon of City Councilmen trying to shove their morals down the rest of the community's throats. Of course, we all know they meant Planned Parenthood, but God forbid they should look like they're singling anyone out, right?
Councilman Dougherty denies claims that PP is routinely harrassed. He says folks are just exercising their right to protest, and that protest simply takes the form of prayer. He ignores the fact that these "godly" folks regularly block cars arriving and try to keep people from entering, often making hysterical spectacles of themselves by yelling at the poor people coming in just looking for some information about birth control. But our Junior Councilman, Todd Moss, pointed out protestors and "traffic congestion" as his main motivations for keeping a PP clinic out of residential areas. Even in being sanctimonious, our Councilmen can't get together!
And look at the backward logic these men are employing. Planned Parenthood in a residential neighborhood will be "disruptive" because the fundamentalists in this town can't keep their noses out of other people's business.
Moss has a point, though. I mean, have you ever gotten a good look at some of the people down on the corner with their billboards and signs? He's right, I wouldn't want some of those people anywhere near my neighborhood. Get a life, people!
Planned Parenthood has been a friend to the community for years, offering information and support to young parents, single mothers, and pregnant teens. Yes, they provide unbiased, accurate information about abortion to anyone who asks, but that is only a very small part of what they do.
Wake up, Sioux City! Stop letting the fundamentalists tell you what's good for you, and figure it out for yourselves. Take it from a recovering Pentecostal: The holier-than-thou will never give you all the facts, they don't want to know all the facts; that would totally screw up their world-view.
So call Planned Parenthood today, and find out what they're all about. You may be surprised.



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March, 1998


I thought the item on the agenda was to expand current Human Rights ordinances in sioux City to include sexual orientation. Instead, I found myself in the midst of a fundamentalist rally. The assorted pastors and preachers present had turned a Human Rights issue into an attack on their constitutional rights to discriminate according to what they think their scriptures say. Despite the Council members' best efforts to put the issue in its proper perspective and context; that being Human Rights, and what is good for Sioux City and its citizens; the Men of God of Sioux City managed to turn it into a vote for religious bigotry.

Oh, but don't use that word. They resent being called bigots. Very much, I might add.

Well, this is damned unreasonable, I thought. Who do they think they are? They ought to know better. After all, they weren't born religious bigots. They chose this lifestyle, willingly. Why should we give them special protection to practice their depraved lifestyle of slandering and discriminating against anyone who doesn't toe their fundamentalist line?

Oops, I'm beginning to sound just like a fundamentalist bigot, aren't I? Pretty soon, you won't be able to tell the difference. But that's just what they're afraid of. Somebody might mistake a hard-working, law-abiding, tax-paying gay Sioux Citian for a hard-working, law-abiding, tax-paying heterosexual Sioux Citian. What chaos would result, I simply shudder to contemplate.

Good lord, half of them would never know if a gay person was in their midst. Most of them find out by accident. 99% percent of us would just as soon our bosses never found out about our sexual orientation. But, eventually, they probably will.

Not because one day, we're going to say, "Dammit, I've had enough of this; I'm going to teach my First Grade class in drag from now on!" No, because we are going to face events in our lives just like heterosexuals do. An anniversary. The birthday of our spouse's child. Holidays. The death of a spouse. Or, maybe, as in the case of Margarethe Cammermeyer, we will be simply unable to answer falsely to a direct question. Because we won't lie.

That is when we'll need the protection of equal rights. Not so we can parade about the break room and flaunt our lifestyle, but so we can go on about a normal life, and deal with the same things everyone else deals with, without having to worry about being out on our asses as well.

Sometimes, I think there should be minimum requirements for being gay, the gender of your spouse or lover notwithstanding. It seems it will almost always come down to who can yell the loudest, and most dramatically accuse the other side of bigotry and discrimination.

The sad thing is, I don't think we'd ever pass that requirement.



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April, 1998


Fundamentalist Christianity has a new martyr in their pantheon. Reggie White, star defensive lineman for the Green Bay Packers, lost a job because of the ridiculous, backward presentation he gave before the Wisconsin State Assembly in March.

Hmm, I wonder if Reg can pull his head out of his persecution complex long enough to really think about what happened. To Reggie White, a "homosexual" is just a faceless entity in need of a little of that "Old Time Religion". He's bought into the propaganda and myths about gays, and chose to treat us as a social disease, rather than a segment of society made up of individuals, each with worth and value, and a good many of them holding season tickets and walking around with a cheese wedge on their heads. Praise God. He says he would let a homosexual be his friend, because that would open up an opportunity for him to get out his industrial strength Bible and engage in some serious redemption. Praise God.

I used to have a lot of respect for Reggie White. For 12 out of 13 years in the NFL, he went to the Pro Bowl. He's one of the best defensive linemen in the league. One of the thrills of my life used to be sitting on the couch on an October Sunday afternoon, and watch Reg unload on some poor running back weighing in at about one-fifth his weight. "Yes!!!! Oh, that one hadda hurt!"

Yet, last month, this man called me a liar, a cheat, malicious and a backstabber. Me, one of his biggest fans.

Okay, so Reg doesn't know me from Adam, and probably wouldn't care if he did. But that's not the point. I'm not the only Sunday Sofa Jockey in the US who felt betrayed by Reg's diatribe. Several thousand people joined the Assembly in a collective jaw-drop around the country. Reg left us hoping somebody got the license number of the cement truck that just ran over us. Well, yeah, it was #92.

Reg might have thought he was simply condemning a few people he doesn't know and probably doesn't care about, but he's wrong. On that day in March, Reggie White alienated fellow athletes, Congressmen and women, brothers and sisters in Christ, and fans. His justification? "…they need to take it up with God, not with Reggie White."

Makes it neat and tidy, doesn't it? Being a Fundamentalist means never having to say you're sorry. Just grab a few lines here and there, and you're in business.

So, this fall, I'll be mourning the demise of yet another demigod of the gridiron. I'm hanging up my cheese wedge, selling off all my Packers cards, and writing Paul Tagliabue to tell him why this Number One Fan is swearing off Green Bay for the season.

Which is too bad, because I think they could go all the way this year.



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