When I was at college (from the age of 16-17), I read about the college counsellor who was in the prospectus for the college, and I saw the things he could help with. Homosexuality was not on the list of common topics, but the write up on the counsellor showed that he was open to discuss lots of different issues, and wouldn’t be judgmental. It also mentioned that it was a relaxed and confidential environment. When I read the brochure, I thought he was the person to see, but wasn’t brave enough to see him.

About a month after reading about the counselling service run within the college, I decided to make an appointment with him. I was so nervous even just making the appointment! A few days later when I was due to see him, I was extremely nervous. The reason for this was because I thought he might be homophobic, and would make things worse. This couldn’t be further from the truth as I found out after speaking to him.

I explained to him that I was gay, and I had known that fact for a while. I also mentioned that I was unhappy with my sexuality. We discussed various things to do with my sexuality, and he was a good listener who I felt happy to talk to, and also gave me a lot of good advice and experiences of his own relating to friends of his.

He told me that anything I told him would be strictly confidential, the same as with any type of counsellor. We arranged to meet weekly, as I had a lot of things to discuss.

The first thing we worked on was my false impression of homosexuality. The only real impression I had about other gay people was from people on the television, and from what friends and family had told me. This bad stereotype of homosexuality was imbedded in me, and contained images of men dressing up as women, or acting in a very effeminate manner. I told the counsellor that I had nothing against people who were very effeminate, but it was not me. We discussed the images I had been brought up with were not the only lifestyle possible for gay people, but it was the small percentage of gay lifestyles that I had seen. I wasn’t aware of anybody who was a "straight acting" gay, or the type of gay person that I was (non effeminate).

I felt that I was the odd one out, because I was not heterosexual (because I didn’t fancy women, but men instead), I was homosexual; but I wasn’t at all effeminate - so I thought that I must be the only person who was attracted to men that didn’t like dressing up in women’s clothes! The counsellor assured me that there were lots of gay people out there who were not at all like the image I had implanted into me, but they lead ordinary happy lives with a partner.

We also discussed the possibilities of me going to meet other gay people, to try to get the false images out of my head of homosexuality. I eventually went along to a youth group in my local city, and saw that the gay people there were normal, and weren’t from the planet Mars!

My counselling was aimed at coming to terms with my sexuality, and I learnt from the times I had seen the counsellor that gay people do lead happy lives, and I shouldn’t feel bad for being gay - it is just a different lifestyle. He made me a lot happer with my own sexuality, and I was happier that I had explored my sexuality more.

Counselling is a good way to talk about your own problems with somebody else, and to share their knowledge and experience with you. If you feel you need to speak to somebody confidentially, and you don’t think you want to discuss it with a friend; make an appointment with a counsellor - or speak to your doctor about seeking some other sort of help. In the UK, people can see their doctor (GP), who will provide a contact with a counsellor.

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