Keepers of my soul

Dedicated to those who have touched my life...past and present...

Nicole	Heather	My mom
Kathryn	Jennifer	Brian
Kim	Others who keep me smiling

NICOLE

Nicole and I met when she was 14 and I was just graduating high school at the age of 18. We became very close, very fast. We were never the 'hanging out' type friends. No there was something different about us...so much hidden away inside of each other...too afraid to let anyone in to see it. The connection between us and the trust we had for each other soon allowed us to let each other in. I'm happy to say that Nicole was the first person that I ever came out to. It is because of her that I eventually built up the courage to come out to everyone...to be myself...to live the life that I had wanted to live for too damn long. I can't thank her enough. For the most part, she's always been there for me, and I for her. That defines our entire relationship...it's based on 'need'. I honestly don't think I'd still be here had I never met her. We're still friends now, but things have changed. Perhaps it's the age difference, or that we've just grown apart over time, or maybe we're just not as messed up as we used to be *giggle*. Whatever the case, Nicole will always be a big part of who I am today. I love her completely...she's one of my best friends, and I know that no matter what happens I will never let her out of my heart.

HEATHER

Everything I know about relationships and women, I learned from Heather. She was my first girlfriend and first true love. We met and started going out the first night I had ever gone to the gay area of Toronto. I had always thought that I must be the luckiest woman alive to have met my true love on my first try. Now looking back, years after Heather and I broke up, I see that I was wrong. It's unfortunate that we met so soon. I wasn't ready for her. I honestly think that had we met after I had already dated other women and was comfortable with being gay in general, we could have made it. But that's all in the past now. I did learn a lot from her though. She was a part of all my "firsts"...she taught me what love was all about...and she has subsequently set the standard for what I will always look for in future relationships. It's true what they say about first loves. I will never forget her, nor will I stop loving her. She holds a piece of my heart that I could never replace.
For more about Heather and what she meant to me please go here

MY MOM

I have always looked up to my mother. She is very beautiful, very talented, and has always been the envy of all my friends. More importantly, she has always been there for me when I needed her. I have always been a good kid, but I know that I've put her through a lot during my college years (1996-1999). But instead of turning her back on me, she took me into her arms and carried me through it all. One moment that I will never forget is the night that I came home and both of my parents were up waiting for me. I walked in and they said that they had something they needed to talk to me about...that they knew that I had been dealing with something for a very long time. Right then I knew what they were talking about. Somehow they had figured out that I was gay. I can't tell you how scared I was, how worried I was that they would be dissapointed in me, their oldest daughter. I turned away from them and walked down the hall, tears just streaming down my face. Immediately both my parents were with me, hugging me, telling me how much they will always love me for who I am, no matter what. For the next three hours we sat up and talked. I've never felt closer to them both. That was almost six years ago. Since then my mother has made a point of always being open to that side of me. I mean, what mother would actually go to a lesbian bar with her lesbian daughter!?! *smile* My mother, that's who. When my longtime girlfriend and I broke up, it was my mother who I always cried to. She didn't care that it was a girl that my heart was aching for. My mom told me that her own heart was aching because I was hurting. That's my mom....my best friend...
Please visit my mothers homepage to see just how special she is.

KATHRYN

Wow. It's hard to explain how I feel about this girl. We met a few years ago at work, but immediately it felt as if I had known her forever. Kathryn completely intrigues me. She's one of those few people who seems to light up the hearts and faces of everyone she meets. She's so wonderful for so many different reasons. I remember telling my mom about her after only knowing Kathryn for a week. I said that "she's the type of person that you would defenitely want as your best friend", never once thinking that I would ever get close enough to her to establish that type of bond. The two of us got very close very fast, and I was able to feel that she was one of my best friends for about a year. Unfortunately, at some point we drifted apart. I still think that I may have said something or done something to push her away, but she never confirmed or denied that...she just dissappeared. Every so often I'll receive a forward type e-mail from her address but never have I received a personal letter. At least I know that she is alive and I do hope that she is doing good. Just having the opportunity to know Kat has left such an imprint on my soul that I know I will carry her with me throughout my life whether we still know each other or not. I've always believed in angels, but I never thought I'd meet up with one until now. Keep the world smiling, kat...

JENNIFER

I started dating Jen four and a half years ago, but I broke up with her after the first five months when I finally figured out that she was my rebound...someone I turned to after the deterioration of a two year relationship with another girl. Looking back I know that I was a fool, because Jen is everything that you could want in a partner. She's probably the most layed back, down to earth person you'll ever have the priviledge to meet. She's absolutely wonderful in every way...so attentive, so caring, so beautiful, and has one of the biggest hearts (and smile! *teehee*) ever. Back then, I treated her pretty bad because I was still yearning and mourning over my ex-girlfriend. But still Jen hung on and continued to treat me wonderfully. That scared the hell out of me, because nobody has ever treated me as good as she had. So I broke up with her and began dating another girl. For the longest time I resisted Jen's attempts at remaining friends. But still she persisted and we eventually started hanging out again. By this point I was seriously unhappy in the relationship I was in and was beginning to realize that the reason why Jen and me never worked out as a couple before was bad timing mixed with a low self-esteem that made me fear Jen's good nature. To make a long story short, I'm just lucky that Jen had been understanding and very forgiving. And whether I deserved her or not, she stuck by me through all of my crazy-drama queen scenes and somehow or another I haven't managed to perminently scare her away yet. Although we have broke up more times than we can count (a few weeks to a few months depending on which time), we are currently back together with a mutual understanding that this is the last time that we will "try" again. It's been almost a year and both of us are quite happy this time around! Perhaps we've matured a little in all the years we've been together? I do hope so because I know in my heart, that someday I will marry this girl...

BRIAN

This is going to be very hard for me to write, because Brian is no longer a part of my life anymore. It was not intentional, but I became self-absorbed and got so caught up in my own life and with new friends that I completely shut out friends that I had known for years. One in particular, was Brian...probably the only true male friend that I've ever known. We met when I was in grade 9 and he in grade 10, and started going out. We broke up after 7 months but our friendship lasted for 6 years. He always knew how to make me laugh with his impressions and pure wit. He was, and I'm sure still is, an amazing person. I can't exactly pinpoint what special meaning he had to my life, as I have the others, but I know that he was a true friend and I will never and could never forget him. If I have any regrets in my life, it is that I so carelessly let Brian's friendship slip through my hands. He'll always be held tightly in my heart, though ,where I know my memories of him and his friendship will continue on.

KIM

I've known Kim all of my life. We lived in the same apartement building and when we were babies my mother would babysit Kim sometimes, and hers would watch over me other times. For eight years we were inseparatable, but then she moved away. First to the other side of the city...then to Nova Scotia...and finally, to Newfoundland. Somehow, over the years, we kept up our friendship through letters and the occasional phone call. Three years ago, Kim moved back here on her own to find work and we began to hang out again. It was great having her back, but we quickly discovered that all the time and experiences that we had apart made us very different people. But she'll never lose her title of being my "best friend". With Kim it takes on a different meaning, though. We've been friends for close to 25 years. Wow! She's always been there for me, even when physically she's been so far away. We share so many memories from our childhood, but I'm sure that our favourite memory was one that we shared during her final two weeks here before moving back to Newfoundland six years ago. My parents were in Florida for those two weeks, so Kim stayed at my house to keep me company. I remember blasting Kenny Rogers 'The Gambler' and 'Coward of the County' over and over again while we both took shots of Sambucca and cried for our own personal reasons. I remember laughing harder than I ever had with her before, when she did her 'train' dance (1...2...3...train with me). And I just remember feeling so close to Kim again, as if time and distance had never come between us. Kim is now back in Ontario, though we really only see each other once or twice a year. We've made it our own personal tradition to go to the Toronto Santa Clause parade every November, and we try to go to Canada's Wonderland once every summer. Though our connection isn't very strong anymore, Kim, my longest and dearest friend, is one of my few friends that I trust will still be in my life for another 20...40...60 years. I miss you, Kim...

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MUSIC: Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin