Ever since I can remember , which is around the age of 4. I remember looking at little boys in a differant way. That's why I believe and feel that I and other GAY/Bi/Lesbian people were and are born this way. These feelings didn't just pop into my head one day and automaticaly asumed I was GAY. They were always there but , back then I didn't actualy know what they were so I didn't realy make nothing out of it. Yeah I looked at girls too but , I think it was due to the fact that "society" force feeds us from the begining that its what boys are supposed to be attracted to. This so-called "normal" but , what the fuck is normal.?

That's why from the age of about 13-through-17 , I actualy thought I was BiSexual. Not because I actualy was attracted to both sexes but , like I said before because of "societys rules". [That guys are supposed to like the opposite sex] It was more like I put myself into those BiSexual feelings just to say to myself and others that i was Bi. For some reason I was afraid of the word "GAY" and being labeled by it , thinking it would be more excepting to others ["society"] and myself. Plus being Latino and all the "machismo" that most Latino men are brought up to be , didn't help. Not to put down my race but , Latinos can be realy close-minded when it comes to sexuality.

Like many other GAY people I had relationships with the opposite sex. [Had 2 when I was in Jr. High] It didn't feel as natural to me as how I thought it would actualy feel to be with a guy. So when I had my first experience with a guy at 17 , I knew right away that it was natural to me and something I was comfortable with. In actualality it took 1 more year [the age of 18] to say and be open with myself and others that I was GAY and being comfortable with it.

Going through this ordeal and having to make out with my sexual feelings , I didn't go with-out the "selfhatred" most GAY people go through. Hating myself and my attraction to other guys because "society" tells us its wrong and abnormal. Its like living your own private hell. Specialy if you don't have other people or friends to relate to , which in turn doesn't help the alienated feeling you have. [Its been known that GAY teens have the highest suicide rate]

That's why I thank that I found my GAY friends and other people I could relate to at the age of 17. It felt good , to be able to be myself and express what I actualy fealt inside and not have the person fuck me over becuase they didn't understand. That's why I feel its good to have celebritys and other well known people that are out of the closet. So that many of the young people who may be going through thier GAY feelings won't have to feel alienated.

Now at the age of 20 Im out to mostly everyone except for my parents and other family members. I know I'll have to come out to my parents some day but , right now I feel is not the time. When I meet people Im pretty much open about my sexual preferance as I am right here on this web page. Cuz hell naw would I go back to the days where I would hide my true self. Yeah , I've lost friends [so-called more like it] because of them finding out. Hey if they can't deal with the hole truth about you then all I can say is fuck them.! Live life to your own standards and whatever makes you happy.



Fuck the stereotype about *all* GAY men being feminine.! That's just a dumb-wack-ass stereotype from shit like TV shows and other close minded people. Most GAYs look , act , and live there lives as what society calls "normal". [Only differance is we are attracted to the same sex] Some people say if your GAY your not a man. Fuck that shit.! A man who hits , rapes , and doesn't take responsability for getting a women pregnant is *not* a man.! Having sex with a women doesn't make you a man , its what you do in life and what you make of yourself. As I quote my favorite band [Korn] when I write this - To those people who think this way :
"U Wouldn't Know A Real Man If U Saw It."


"Here I am differant in this normal world" "Why'd U tease me make me feel absurd" - KORN (from thier song "Faget")
This page was last updated on August 4, 1976. Latino [tm] Since 1976.