Date: Wed, 21 Jun 1995 20:59:12 -0500 (CDT)
From: Chandra S Balachandran
To: South Asian Lesbigay Discussion List
Subject: Musing: Khush-topia a Utopia or dystopia?

"Khush-space" is South Asian lesbigay space. We can safely presume that it has always existed, and will continue to exist. Acknowledging its existence is the first step in the process of identifying its boundaries, its cultural landscapes, and the crafting of a space that is truly home. This space is what we hope will be our Utopia.

As with the other utopias attempted before, we run several risks and also possess certain strengths. Identifying these and using them with wisdom and sensitivity, we can achieve that asymptote with our conceived utopia.

First of all, let us wonder about the boundaries of Khush-space. We still do not fully know what they are made of, and therefore, we cannot say with certainty or finality where they exist. However, we are beginning to have a general idea of this. This is a culturally ordered space. Our identity as South Asians is an important component of it. Why did I not say, "Indian" or "Pakistani" or "Nepali" etc.? Our individual cultures still have not reached a level of understanding where sexuality-defined minorities have an open and accepted place in their cultural spaces. Therefore, our numbers as Indians, Pakistanis etc. who are openly lesbigay are small. Even among those, there are many degrees of openness. Having too few numbers to form individual cultural groups defined by nationality, it is natural that we find a larger regionally-defined spatial anchor for our identity. The cultural commonalities we share bind us together. In this, we also constantly run the risk of overlooking the complexity of the tapestry of our cultural space.

As lesbigays with roots in South Asia, therefore, we may define our boundaries with that identity. The boundaries are very deep and complex -- something we should never forget. They are also very dynamic.

By making the statements we make about our existence in the world, not apart from all else, but as integral parts of all else, on par with many other identities, we have taken a first step towards the acknowledgement and identification of the boundaries of Khush-space.

The cultural landscapes of Khush-space are equally complex. The content of this space is a constant challenge to understand. They are comprised of the many who are shaping it visibly -- we may, with due humility and pride, claim to be part of this group. This group is growing. The many institutions we see emerging by way of the SALGAs, the TRIKONEs, the SHAMAKAMIs, etc. are our instruments to organize the current larger cultural landscape such that, in it, our utopia finds its rightful place. The events we organize, this UTSAV, the MASALAs, etc. are parts of the process of taking what has traditionally been an underground, invisible landscape and making it visible. The landscape thus made visible is a landscape of hope -- hope for those who dare not speak the unspeakable, and for those who have been able to speak it to some degree. This is a landscape that is being pioneered and will always continue to be -- hence the asymptote I mentioned earlier. This landscape in the diasporic cultural and physical space, has profound, and readily imaginable, implications for its sister in the homelands of our roots.

It is in the earlier pioneering of this landscape, something we are currently engaged in, that many challenges lie. With all humility, we must acknowledge that we don't collectively know exactly what we are doing. We have tried, succeeded here and there, failed anon -- ultimately, we should hope that we have learned something about this utopia which we have conceived in our minds, and that which is actually shaping up out here in the larger milieu. it is here we need to be extra careful, extra bold, extra strong, and extra light-hearted.

The growing pains of a landscape being crafted by a small minority, rightly or wrongly claiming this landscape for a real or perceived larger population of brethren, will be rendered more painful if we do not keep in mind a fundamental idea of commonality of purpose: we as Khushizens share a lot of common goals, hopes, fears, aspirations, and other baggage desirable or undesirable. As such, we cannot afford to be unmindful of our vulnerability to hurt by each other. We need to understand that none of us has any answer(s) yet, and there may never BE any answer(s) -- only best fits. For a time, anyway. therefore, we need to disagree, and to educate each other, with great civility and nurture. That is the only way we may grow. That is the only way we may move towards the asymptote.

This sense of community is something we need to share also with the larger milieu around us -- a process that is not easily accomplished. Everyone is trying to claim a part of the landscape and create his/her own utopia, and we are bound to be territorial. After all, the inner Utopias have to find expression in the physical landscapes outside, and these physical landscapes are both finite and shared. Thus, our Utopia should be one which is an integral and healthy part of the larger Utopia being attempted.

How do we achieve this continuity of our landscapes with the larger context? One obvious answer is that we share the same physical landscape with the many other shades of the cultural spectrum. Another anwer is: we have borrowed many of the cultural constructs of not only the South Asian cultural space, but also of our individual national cultural spaces, and those of the diasporic cultural spaces -- our idiom, our styles, our discourse styles, our cybernetic connections, the myriad ideas, etc. These complex elements being borrowed, and Khush-ified in some way, give us some continuity with the larger milieu. There will always be those who will object to this -- such as those who exclaim, "Give us the word gay' back!"

We should be careful though. If all our cultural constructs are borrowed, Khush-ified items from the larger milieu, what would be our cultural identity? And, therefore, what would be our cultural space, our Utopia? Besides, we would be a boring lot! We may be accused of anything, but we should never be accused of being BORING!! I shudder when I contemplate that possibility. We should also evolve our own cultural constructs -- and I am sure many are already evolving -- which will contribute to our identities, and thus to the clarification of the Utopia we seek to craft. [Shivananda Khan, in his speech at the Utsav, raised many disturbing questions -- admittedly without answering any -- essentially amounting to the broader questions: "Do we know who we are? Do we know what we are talking about?"]

For us to 'succeed' in this endeavor, we must understand our own individual _humanity_, and the systematics of the culture, our landscapes, and the linkages which we will be well-advised to nurture and strengthen. To do anything less will be to betray ourselves, to do to ourselves what we would accuse others of doing to us. If we approach this creative activity -- the creation of our Utopia -- with strength born of humility and fellowship, we will approach the asymptote quite soon, and merrily.

If we approach it with anything less, Khush-topia will be a dystopia.

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