I am a 48 year old heterosexual male and for all of my adult life I have wrestled with this strange desire to cross-dress. Not unlike many of you, my first experience with feminine attire came around the age of ten or eleven. Who knows why a boy finds his mother's or sister's clothes so intriguing. I just know I did. After a couple rounds with my father and "If you don't stop that, I'm going to beat the stuffing out of you". I figured out that this was not something you just tell the world you like to do. All during my teenage years and even while in the service I managed to have a few feminine things.

I have been married to the same wonderful woman for 24 years now. I could not say enough about this kind and understanding lady. Prior to our marriage I told her of my cross-dressing. This wonderful lady has been with me through some very rough and rocky times. That is not to say that she approves completely of my cross-dressing or even understands it. It has only been in the last few months that a real dialogue between us about the subject was attained.

Over the past 24 years I have bought and thrown out more wardrobes than I really want to count. The feelings of quilt and pain I was causing my wife would last for varying lengths of time. Never did the desire ever go away though. I started counseling several years ago and attained a certain amount of control over my desires. This was due more to trying to save a marriage than it was to having a desire to stop the cross-dressing.

In June of 1996, I found a strange new world of people out in cyber space. I had always seen articles about these crazy people in tabloids and newspapers, but, I had never had any contact with another cross-dresser or someone of an alternative life style. Of course, I found the usual set of semi-weird and just plain weird out there. I also managed to find some genuine individuals suffering as I was and just trying to make sense of this whole madness. In November, I reached a turning point that I could no longer shy away from. I told my wife of 24 years there was a journey I had to make. The trip was not going to be easy and she certainly was not going to like it at all. I told her that I could not hide my desires to cross-dress from her any longer, I simply could not live the lie. If there was ever a time when our relationship was headed for certain collapse, it was in November and December. Somehow we have managed to work through and open a new chapter in our lives. Neither of us know what the end result will be, but there is a future at least now. I didn't see one for a time.

I recently joined the Tennessee Vals and am looking forward to meeting all the members of this support group. The first meeting will be the beginning of a new and different life for Cheryl Ann. I am looking forward to it with great anticipation.

Cheryl Ann

April 1997