My name is heather. For as long as I can remember, I have had an interest in female clothes. When I was around 10, I remember taking little girl dresses off of the clothes lines, running down to a nearby deserted area and putting them on. I loved shiny and silky party dresses, slips and most of all crinolines.

When I was around 14, a friend of mine called me up and told me to come to his house, He had something he wanted to show me. When I arrived, we went to his parent's bedroom and he took a pair of panties from his mother's dresser and rubbed them up against his crotch. He said for me to try it. It would feel good. In fact, it felt fabulous. I was hooked and I did not know it.

After that, I started to do babysitting and was able to get access to many different closets. I loved it! One time, I found a cupboard of crinolines. I hurried to carry them to the bathroom and try them on. Man, what a feeling! I tried to arrange to come back as often as I could.

After this time,I would get clothes from anywhere I could. I once went to a thrift shop in our little town and saw a darling little sailor dress, the ones with the wide collar. I told the lady I was going to a party and everyone was switching roles. I even got her to help me try on the dress. It was way too small. I settled for something else instead.

I continued to hoard my clothes. Slips, panties, bras, stockings, dresses. I found a loose board in the attic and put everything in there. One day, I stepped off the rafters and put my foot thru the floor. I knew I had to move my stuff, but was not given the opportunity. I knew if I dragged anything it would be heard in the living room below. When the repair man came, and opened the ceiling to fix the hole, by 'stash' came falling out. When I arrived home from school, my parents, particularly my father, were waiting for me. I got the belt for that and then I started to see a Doctor in Kingston. I am not sure what, if anything, came out of those sessions. Sure, I laid off for a while, but I was not cured.

Then I joined the armed forces. There were no opportunities to dress until I got my own room. I still had to be careful, but managed to get some lingerie and sleep in panties and slips. I had to ensure the doors were locked and the lingerie was well hidden in case there were room inspections.

I got married in the 70s. I continued my dressing, using my wife's stuff. She had some nice dresses, but nothing to my liking.

After this marriage ended, I had my own place for a while, but met a fabulous lady that I subsequently married. My dressing was not as frequent, but it felt good when it did happen.

My wife developed medical problems. She started to feel less like a woman and less like a wife. Our sex life disappeared. Prior to that point, I had started masturbating, for sexual relief, but when the issues came, I started to fantacize that I was making love to her when I did it. I also started dressing more often and still envisioned that she was me when I was dressed and masturbation became a form of love-making, but once it was finished, I had guilt pangs and undressed quickly.

I started looking for answers. I phoned the Pink Triangle group, here in Ottawa, and was given the name of a group called Gender Mosaic. I called the number and had a lengthy talk with Joanne. She put me in touch with Linda and subsequently with other CDs. Linda has become my first contact for understanding my feelings. A great resource!

I started dressing more often in anything I could find. Each time I would fantasize, masturbate and put away. I started, however, to think more about what it would be like if I really was a woman and what it would be like being with a man. That is where I am today. I feel scared and excited at the same time at the prospect.

I made contact with Britany and she has been very helpful in pointing my way down this road. I have been able to get up some courage to start window shopping and even started asking if there is anyone that does transformations with CDs to see what can be done to become passable. I am not sure where it is leading.

I have met some nice people in my discussions with others. Lynn (see Links), Carol and Kim. Situations are very similar. Kim, Carol and I have met on semi-regular basis to trade stories and information.

I did have an opportunity to explore my female side recently. I spent some time with a man. It was not quite what I expected but it left a lasting impression.

I found, however, was that, when I did not think, or read, about CD stuff, I did not feel in a hurry to experiment or to dress. I felt that I could go for about 1-2 weeks before the urge came back. Is that the secret - don't think or read and you are cured? I think not!

970611 - Things have been rather quiet lately. I have been getting more 'feelings' again and have started 'surfing the net' in search of information.

970903 - I recently met up with Debi Johnson, known for her transgendered stories in the library. She is a wonderful lady with many aspirations. Her web page is full of pictures and a bio. It is worth the visit. I learned a few things from her that will not be forgotten. I pray for her happiness.

971029 - Not much has happened lately. I have not had any opportunity to dress even though I have thought about it. I do talk to Kim and Carol and have had some interesting emails.

980930 - Well, not a whole lot has happened except one incredible event. I had a chance to test out being a woman, or least pretending I was. I met this fellow (Doug) via a chat room and we talked quite a long time over many days and weeks. Doug got to know what I wanted to do and he was interested. We arranged to meet. I arrived early and went about preparing for the night. I had a wonderful bath. Scented water. Then i towelled off and started to dress. The feeling of putting on my feminine attire was heavenly. Bra, panties, nylons, slips, dress. Man what a feeling! Then I called Doug and he came to see me. I was scared and excited at one time. After a drink of wine, Doug kissed me and it was exciting. I could feel him and he was feeling me. We had oral sex and it was nice. After we finished, Doug left and I got some time to think about what I had done. I could not believe it. I think the thing that made it right was that I felt like a woman, not like a man. What i did, I did as a woman, not a man. My mental attitude helped over the hurdle of thinking man on man. Well, I have not seen Doug since, but we have kept in touch. I hope to meet him again sometime and improve on what we did together.

990127 - Well, since my last entry I did have the opportunity to spend another time with Doug and also Carol. It was most interesting but what i learned was that I overstepped my limit and felt uncomfortable doing it so I removed myself from the situation. It was disconcerting to the others but I felt that the situation was going where I did not want to go and so I removed myself. I felt good that I was able to do that! There was no intention to discourage the others but I just could not continue.

991012 - It has been a year since I have done any dressing. Carol keeps reminding me. It would be nice to get out again.

Year 2000 - 000321. I thought it was time to update. Absolutely nothing has been happening. My work and family have kept me quite busy and no real opportunities to experiment. I am still a closet CD so no way am I going out 'on the town'. I still have my same clothes and have not even had time to go shopping. Man, how boring. Not even an email.

Year 2002 - 020222. Nothing really has happened in the last couple of years. I am still a closet CD and spend a lot of time with Carol. I am starting to enjoy my dressing. In fact I look forward to it. I have ordered stuff from e-bay and still frequent the Salvation Army Thrift shop as well as Value Village.

Year 2003 - 030206. Well, I am still a closet CD'er. I spend as much time as I can with Carol. We both love to dress up and 'be girls'. She has a nice collection of nylons that feel so heavenly. My wardrobe has not changed much. I have not renewed it at all and I don't get much of a chance to wear it. It remains securely locked away. Lots of lingerie, some dresses, skirts and three crinolines. I am considering selling the crinolines as I don't think I really look very good in them. I just love the feel of them. I could probably lose some weight and might look better. Who knows!

031231 - The year has ended and I am still in the closet. I have met a few friends but I spend most of my time with Carol. Recently Carol unveiled her new look. It was fabulous! I need to do something to spruce up my looks. I think a new wig is in order for 2004.

Year 2005 - Nothing added

Year 2006 - 2006 has come to an end with many different events. I purged my stuff this year because I could not afford to keep my stuff in the locker and I had no other place to store it. Carol has been very good and kept my stuff for me and I owe her lots of money for storage. My stuff has also dwindled due to the purge with a definite reduction in panties. I am not sure how to get more but i suspect i will find something. 2007 is looking to being better than 2006. I would like to try to get out more but i still have the issue of not eing 'out of the closet'. I will try to do better with this blog.

Year 2007 - I still have the yearnings but no opportunity to dress. I purged my last wardrobe and have nothing left. I still wonder about being with a man but no opportunities

Year 2008 - I started the new year but obtaining some small articles. I have a pair of panties and a bra, a body suit that functions as a camisole, a black half slip and a black pleated skirt. The skirt comes just below my knee. I was lucky to find this one. Unfortunately it is a size 16 and I can't do up the zipper. I guess a size 18 would be better unless I can lose some weight. I am sitting here with my outfit and it feels nice. I am learning to control myself and just enjoy the feeling.

Year 2009 - I have not had any opportunity to dress. I had to purge my stuff and gave it to Carol. I had no place to store it and I ended up moving away. Sometimes I can get a pair of pantyhose but no crinolines or anything I really liked. This is going to be an updateable biography. As I remember things I will add them. I felt that I had to update today to fix my email address.

This page was reviewed on Apr 6, 2009