EXPERIENCE ONE

Posted By Eric -n- Brandon

Eric's Story

I grew up straight . . . never once feeling sexually attracted to another boy. I had always cared about other guys and had wonderful relationships with them . . . but those were always on the 'brotherly' level of things. But that all changed. Shortly before my 18th birthday, I was spending some time at Brandon's house to escape the horror of my own home. We were just sitting up late one evening talking about anything and everything and somehow we wound up discussing Brandon's being gay. It wasn't a major discussion . . . I had known for years he was gay and yet he was still my best friend. About an hour later . . . while we were still talking . . . it clicked inside of my head: 'this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.' And I just stopped talking for a moment. I guess after what must have seemed an eternity . . . I just blurted it out to Brandon that I wanted to be with him forever. He was quite shocked but at the same time I could tell he was quite pleased. We decided I should move in with Brandon and just not tell anyone at first. So for a while we just told people I was living with him until things improved at my home with my father. We kept a pretty good secret until we were discovered sleeping the same bed by a friend of ours. So I 'came out' to him. I just want to pause and say that I'm most likely a rather unique case. I'm still not overly attracted to many guys . . . though occasionally one will catch my eye. I am happy and pleased with my life and being with another man. Anyway . . . back to the story at hand. Slowly, I began to 'come out' to my other friends. I told them Brandon and I were living together and we had plans on 'getting married.' Most were quite shocked . . . but all of my true friends were supportive. Yes, a lot of the fair weather friends jumped ship [let's see if I can use anymore clichés] . . . but they never were 'true' friends to begin with. The big moment came when I decided to tell my parents. The situation between my father and I had calmed down quite a bit and my parents were asking me to move back home. I was terrified to face my father and tell him . . . so one evening I called them. With both my mother and my father on the phone I told them I was in love with Brandon and we were living together as more than friends. My father was irate; my mother just cried. We tried to talk but all my father wanted to do was yell, so I hung up. Three months passed before I heard from them again. This time, they showed up at our home. I could tell my father wasn't angry . . . so we invited them in. They had just come by to tell me they were happy that I was happy and that they loved me no matter what. Dad made it a point to make it clear that he didn't approve of 'that kind of lifestyle' . . . but he also made it a point to make sure I knew that I was still accepted as his son. So while I really don't have their support in my life . . . at least it's not a major dividing factor . . . so I'm thankful for that.

Brandon's Story

I had felt as attracted to guys as I was to girls since I could remember, but I was scared to death to say anything to anyone. "Fags" were always made fun of and even in my own home, I often heard my grandfather refer to "those fairies" in a very negative manner. So I kept my feelings inside of me, determined to not let anyone know. Well, one afternoon I headed into my older brothers room (Don is his name) to borrow a shirt or something. I walked in to catch him masturbating while watching TV. I could tell from the sounds of the TV, it was a porn. Of course, he stopped and tried to cover himself as soon as I walked in. I didn't say a word, just headed for the closet. On my way across his room, I caught a glimpse of the screen: it was a gay porn. I just stared for a moment, dropped my head and bolted out of the room back into my own. Don followed a minute or two after. He began to try to explain what I had just saw, but wasn't finding the words. So he finally started to say it, "Bran, I'm..." and I finished his sentence, "Gay. Yeah, me too." I had said it. I was barely 14, Don was 18. He was surprised, but not terribly. So we sat around just talking for a while about how horrible it had been keeping it locked inside for so long and not telling anyone. We decided to keep it our secret for a while. It was quite comical that we talked for quite a while longer about what guys we thought were cute! A few weeks later, Don and I were out running together when he just stopped. He looked at me and said, "Bran, I think we need to tell Ma and Pa." (Ma and Pa being our grandparents, who raised us.) I immediately said, "no way!" And I was determined in that. Over the next few weeks though, he talked me into it. So we set a date: Christmas. Our parents would be there to visit so we'd just tell them all at the same time. I trusted Don and knew he knew what he was doing. So Christmas came and we started off the morning opening presents and spending time together and pretending we actually like our parents while letting them know how happy we were to be with Ma and Pa instead of them. It was near lunchtime that Don asked for everyone to come in the room. He sat down on the couch next to me and just blurted it out, "Brandon and I are gay." And then silence. Ma started to cry a little, my parents looked a little shocked, and my grandfather sat with a look of utter contempt upon his face. His scowl of disapproval was almost more than I could bare. He finally just got up, looked at us both for a moment, and walked out of the room. Ma started bawling at that point and our jerk of a father tried to change the conversation. I just left the room and could hear Don attempting to explain things as I left. I went into the kitchen and found Pa. I walked over to him and tried to hug him, but he just pushed me away and walked out of the room. Later that evening, Ma came to me and let me know that she didn't care who or what I was that she still loved me just as much. We sat and cried together for a while and for some reason I kept saying, "I'm sorry" over and over. I'm not sure what I was sorry for; hurting my Ma I guess. My parents were back on their self-important way the next day, without a word of the revelation from the previous day. Things returned to normal with us and Ma, but Pa still wouldn't speak to Don or I. He'd just look at us, then leave the room. It was the most painful thing because I had always loved and respected my grandfather and to have him turn me away hurt a great deal. Several months passed with things remaining the same. Until the weekend after Easter. Pa came into my room quite early that day and just said, "Get up, I want to talk to you. Come downstairs." So I got up, put some clothes on and headed down to the living room. I got there to find Don and Ma on a couch and Pa sitting in his chair. I sat down and he just looked at us again for a moment. Then he broke and started crying. I had never seen my grandfather cry before. Between his sobs he began to tell us how sorry he was for the way he treated us and that we were still his boys and he was just as proud of us then as he ever was. Finally, I once again had the acceptance of Pa. In the time between coming out to my family and Pa finally talking to us, I had pretty much come out at school. I was quite young and afraid of what my friends would say, but I couldn't hide it. So one by one, I started telling them and eventually the news spread on its own pretty quickly. Most people were cool with it, though some made it a point to make me the butt of a lot of jokes. It was hard hearing those things, but my true friends helped me through it by not abandoning me or treating me any different. It was a long and rough "coming out" but I'm thankful I did it when I was young. A month after Pa talked to us, Ma passed away and Pa went to be with her just three weeks later. Had I waited, I would have never been able to tell them and I would have never known that my Ma and my Pa still loved me no matter what.