EXPERIENCE FOUR

Posted By Brian James Stangston II

http://geocities.datacellar.net/WestHollywood/Stonewall/8896

I'm 18 in Texas and I'm gay, not a good combination. My dad has been out of the picture for 5 years. He wasn't here to watch me graduate, so I won't bother to share the good news about my sexuality with him. I ran away from home last summer. I only made it about 15 blocks. My then boyfriend and I had gotten a small apartment under his sisters name. We were enjoying the afterglow of our honeymoon when out of the blue mom shows up. It was raining cats and dogs outside. It seems mom had just had a fight with her boyfriend and didnt want to go home. That's where the fun began.

I knew she had no idea what Matt and I were up to. She wanted to spend the night. She was making this request on my terms. First thing that came out shocked even me. "Mom, I'm gay, Matt's my lover, this is our place." Mom still standing in the rain looked at me with her deer in the headlights look. First thing she said was " Was it something that I did? " Of course I believe now as I did then that sexual preference is genetic like hair color or height. "No it wasn't you or anybody for that matter." I responded. The deer in the headlights look went away. She now smiled her up to no good smile and said "In that case, can I come in, it's raining out here." Mom took over for me as tour guide on my coming out. She would council me on who she thought could take the news and who deserved to know. And what her reason was behind all of the suggestions.

Shortly, Mom and I had told my little brother, who shares my web page and bedroom. All of my aunts, none of my uncles, we figured the aunts would know which uncles could handle it. We didn't tell the grandparents, they are from the old school and would blame someone or worse yet disown someone. Before Matt could come out, his dad jumped his case claiming he shouldn't hang out with me cause I was a bad influence on him. With that, Matt stopped being gay. I dont really think anyone begins or ends being whatever they are. They just go into denial. Matt's dad would have disowned him had he come out. I can't blame Matt for his fear. Seldom does a change of this size go as good as it went for me.

Ponyboy, (what he goes by in the chat rooms) my little brother is closer to me now than before. Mostly because I was honest with him. Mom pointed out on the seventh day GOD saw what he had made and it was good. So I guess I can't be all that bad. I have always respected my mother. She is a single parent who stayed in school and got her a good job nursing. She reads up on things and did later admit she had an idea that some day I would be "coming out". She gave us Pony and I a safe sex lecture before we had even considered what sex was. She is the coolest. Matt and I only see each other at the beach now a days. We both surf and pretend that we are still buds. However, it will never be the same as it was. I have a new surfing buddie now, even though he knows I'm gay we still cut some great waves together. He respects me because of my honesty as well.

Final thought, it's not who accepts or rejects you, it's how you feel about yourself that matters. I don't blame anyone for how I am. And no one should blame themselves in the same circumstances.