EXPERIENCE SIX

Posted By David Padbury

Is what you are about to read the reminiscences of a rheumy eyed old man, easily dismissed as irrelevant in todays super fast, I'm all right Jack, world? Well it could be seen as such because this tale dates back to 1969. However, the inner feelings of those who suffer in a similar manner are every bit as relevant - even, or maybe especially, today.

I had been engaged by a very well known photocopier manufacturer as an engineer and had been sent to repair a machine in a solicitors office. There was a very gentle and shy young man in charge of the machine and he was alone in the office when I got there. I stripped the photocopier to clear the paper jam and was reassembling it when the solicitor came in. He asked how long it would be before the machine was working again and I said about 10 to 15 minutes. He then asked the lad if he had finished some work he'd been set before the solicitor went to lunch. The young man said no, because the photocopier had jammed. The solicitor became very angry and called the lad a useless poof. Visibly shaken, the boy was lost for words. The solicitor - a big man - then said he didn't know how he'd managed to hire a queer in the first place and that he (the lad) had no right to be around real men. The boy was clearly about to burst into tears. I couldn't take any more of this shit either so I told the solicitor to lay off the boy. He's only a nancy boy said the solicitor at which point I threatened him with a screwdriver and shouted that I'm a nancy boy too and perhaps he'd like to insult and degrade me. I packed up my gear and signalled to the boy to follow and we both walked out of that office, leaving the solicitor red faced and very very angry. To cut a long story short, I knew that one of my other customers was looking for a clerk and this boy soon got a job there. However, my story wasn't over because, when I returned to the office, I was called in and told I had to leave - not so much because I had made a stand, but because - and I quote - 'if you don't resign we will find something to sack you for. We don't employ your kind'. It was so embarrassing for, as I left the building, not one of my colleagues would look at me - they all turned away.

It took a long while to get another job and soon I cottoned on that it was because I was getting dubious references from the photocopier company. I was forced to hide the fact that I'd ever worked there. After that, coming out to close friends was easier but this was at a time when it was illegal just to be gay. My mother was already dead and my father was critically ill with cancer so I thought it best not to tell him. It wasn't until after his funeral the I learned that a 'friend' had told him, just before he died. Imagine how I felt.

This is why I so admire young people, like you Jason, who at the tender age of 22 know who you are and what you want. My partner and I have now been together for 25 years but I still have tears in my eyes when I remember the sheer hatred I experienced all those years ago. Incidentally, I never again heard from that lad.