Below is an article featured in the April/May 1998 issue of XY Magazine. I have copied this article to my home page with permission from the author in the hope that it may help some people who do not have access to, or are not aware of XY Magazine. If you would like to contact the author, you are welcome to email him, he's a very nice guy. :-) You may also visit the links at the bottom of this page which are very useful and informative.

24 Coming Out Tips

by Clyde Berry - cberry@youth-guard.org

1. Never come out in an argument or to hurt someone.

2. Never come out in a moving vehicle.

3. A person is more intelligent than a group of people; come out to people one at a time and somewhere private.

4. People who are ignorant may say things initially that they don't realise are painful to hear. Remember they are simply unaware and in a state of surprise.

5. They may already know.

6. Coming out in drag is a bit much [unless you really have the right shoes...]

7. People have to deal with [a] the issue of gay stuff and [b] you as a person [c] the combination of the two since you probably don't fit the stereotype they have about gay peeps.

8. Be sober.

9. Don't have your lover with you. This is not "Let's Make a Deal" -- more suprises are not good.

10. Be ready for them to need time and space to think about things before any discussion takes place.

11. Be ready for them to drill you with questions that may or may not offend you [see #4.].

12. Sometimes it's easier to read about an issue than to admit you are uneducated. Have a book, pamphlet, phone number, or other resource that can be called upon when you're not around.

13. It is your life to live, you only have one, and the bottom line is that you are going to continue living as a gay person no matter what their reaction is.

14. It may not be a bad idea to have smelling salts handy.

15. There are people who will never be supportive no matter what is said.

16. If your audience has that deer in the headlights look, don't make any quick moves.

17. Breathe. [Seriously.]

18. No two coming out experiences are ever the same.

19. Don't plan on doing anything else for the rest of the day/night.

20. People will need a lot of time, for the most part, to really think about things.

21. Always have an escape plan. You may not need it, but if you do, you won't be surprised. Have a place to crash for the night, and money you can get to in case a worst-case scenario does occur.

22. Have resources for you to call -- you need support too!

23. Just because you come out to someone once, doesn't mean you won't have to do it again, and again, and again.

24. Do not try to answer questions about Richard Simmons, Rosie O'Donnell, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Richard Gere [or the Gerbils], Oscar Wilde, the Spice Girls, Bert and Ernie, or anyone else.

The author of 24 Coming Out Tips is involved with the two organisations below, so please take some time to visit them, they are excellent web sites:

Youth Guardian Services - http://www.youth-guard.org

Elight! - http://www.elight.com