"Signs You Eat Too Much Rice-A-Roni"

As presented on the 05/06/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

10. You can't cross the Golden Gate Bridge without consulting a team of architects
9. You drink a cup of boiling water and expand to three times your normal size
8. You show up at work naked except for a strategically-placed seasoning pouch
7. You get a little visit from a couple of Uncle Ben's goons
6. You just spent $1.7 million for a box of Rice-A-Roni that belong to Jackie Onassis
5. Every Wednesday night you have a small group meeting that begins with someone saying "My name is Bob and I eat too much Rice-A-Roni"
4. When you go swimming in the bay, tourists mistake you for Alcatraz
3. You actually pass up a delicious head of lettuce
2. When you ask hookers for a "San Francisco treat," you really do mean dinner
1. Two words: Giant Ass-A-Roni