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I have taken many steps through this dark forest and have truely seen the terror the human race can bestow on a unconditional loving soul, ME.
some of my past bodily wounds: recently,cervical spine surgery from two ruptured discs at the base of my skull, permanent damage, loss of three fingers on both hands. visible scar on my throat. waiting on surgery for more spinal problems in my lower back. next appointment for surgery is sometime in june 2005 for another larger operation for an unstable spine. completed with a lumbar fusion, you can see an xray of my first one here for two ruptured disks, some cord damage. head slammed into corner of door frame 14 stitches "gaybash" slid down the cast iron spiral stair case at a dance club, smacking my head several times while going down, carried out by ambulance. jumped in the city: hit over left eye 10 stitches missing pieces of bone visible scar. hit over right eye 10 stitches missing pieces of bone visible. probably the cause of my double vision and really bad eyesight. hit in the head, front forhead with a glass beer mug "gay bash" in a "straight" bar for touching some guys back. visible scar beat by boyfriend across the face with a dog chain another additional cause of my double vision and reconstruction of my sinus's, constant infections beat up by boyfriend, jamm'd a radio in my mouth and took out my front teeth, after he set me into a rage. punched in the mouth causing me to bite my tongue almost severing it in half. "gaybash" surgery on left hand for a calcium growth due to abuse by bf. continue to suffer from carpul tunnel both hands/arms, 24/7 on my computer teaching myself how to build websites and writing. double hernia operation 2x's pushing weights with my legs for a physical fitness test in the army, and was actually up for courtmartial for milingering on sick call. "trying to get out of work"....had a black first sargeant, racial,egotistical ass. tried to be a jockey, thrown by a thoroughbred race horse and drug 50 yards... went into shock, missing piece of my muscle in my right tricep. jumped in newark by two guys for my money, an off duty cop and his pit bull saved me as I walked to the local convience store alone. right hand went through hydrolic hole press at Hercules plastics plant, because of inadiguate/neglectful maintenance more than a couple times, wrecked on bike ran off road by cars went into ditches, gaurdrails and gravel construction sites. date raped in rehoboth at the age of 17, dumped in town next to a tree, bloody scabs on my lower back. 4 car accident in wilmington (was car #3) carried out on a board damage to my spine, case neglected by attorney and was never settled jeep accident: rolled jeep ended up temp. paralyzed damage to my spine, went to get records was told they were lost in a fire. wrecked on motorcycle slid on ice messed up my back. raped in the mountains in colorado springs colorado while riding in the mountains. twice riding on handle bars of a bike as a boy right foot went through spokes causing wreck and smacking my head on the road. hit in the head twice with baseball bats at the base of my skull in junior high school,visible lump. fishing accident, pole broke causing a fall and rotator cuff injury, my attorney neglected the case and it was never settled. broken ribs fighting with bf "gay bash" broken pinky fingers both hands fighting "gay bash" by neighborhood guys who constantly harrassed me for being a sissy. chasing dog as a teen, slipped in sand and twisted my back temp. paralyzed with muscle spasms taken to elkton ER drowning as a small boy: nde "near death experience" watched them resusitate me, came to coughing up water. been in a house fire, karoseen heater in bedroom caught fire while my father was stationed in germany. been through several earthquakes as a boy been through several tornadoes
have been emotionally disabled by doctors for : I now focus on nothing but the divine cause of my path, to teach that the path may be what we believe terrible. only look at the ending, its a miracle i am still here and am still a loving soul. I can no longer be intimidated and if beat on I now know who I am in relation to you. ... and I am no longer in one nation under god. for my father promotes love, while you promote war and the killing of your own brothers. The only species on the planet that kills its own, you dont see horses or whales or any other animal or mamal killing its bretheren.
my situation now:
I've pretty much had enough, you have taken away from me "my life", you have not let me love and be
"me", I feel like a white blood cell being thrown into a cancer tumor with in the body of that which is
above me. So if this is my calling to heal this space, father my heart is ready.
And now I call on the angels for strength and guidance, I am charged with possesion and having paraphanallia, because someone was trying to cover their ass, I dont ask for much ...just to be left alone where I have been all my life... in constant communion with god trying to be a ray of light within this darkness... to those brought through to me by that which loves me so much, my father, my creator, my GOD.
In reading this I hope it will atleast help to inspire one of you to healing this creation through
higher awarenesses. the awareness that what you have done through your beliefs to me, you have also done unto your self and to my creator, my father, my god, for we are all ONE. A cell the absolute truth, that we were created in the likeness of god, we are cells,single units, just as our bodies are. Cells within cells, within the body of
the ONE above,the larger cell.
I AM on the most difficult path.... are you grateful your not walking on it? to be beat bloody and constantly putdown
and harrassed, to loose all your family and boyhood friends, because of some book written by men who never even knew of or met
christ, and probably wouldn't know him if he walked by him on the street.
I'm grateful I have, for it is for my father, that which created me... in order to teach you, it dont have to be this way. So if I am to be prosecuted, so to must my father, the "all of it", for *he not only made cannibus,he also brought it to my path to help me deal with this "HELL on earth", that which your religions created. |
| My Faith, my truth is strength in knowing,the absoluteness of creation... my path is CELLIC. The cellic faith and philosiphy is based on cells, look within....we are cells, single units, made by cells, inside of them are cells, within them cells, and so on... it is based on the philosiphy the a human being is in a 'relative' cell form. Taking in enrgy and releasing it,moving form here to there completing it's tasks.... |