COMING OUT TO FRIENDS

Now you can read the stories of how I came out to some of my friends. A lot of people have good and bad stories. Fortunately, I can't say that there hasn't been a bad one yet. Hopefully, this will continue as my friends find out about the real me.

I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I came out to someone. It was Thanksgiving Day 1994. I was in Lynchburg for the day since I had a wedding to go to in Tennessee on Saturday of the weekend. I was sitting at home, without much to do when my phone rang. It was my best friend in town. He and his wife had come back from his parents' place early because she forgot to ask for the whole weekend off and had to work the next day. She was heading to bed shortly and he wanted to know if I wanted to come over and watch the football games with him. Since this was nothing unusual for us, and I was bored, I told him sure. He told me to pick up some beer on the way.

Once I got there, my friend's wife was heading up to bed. We started watching the games and drinking. After a few hours, my friend told me he had something interesting to say. He said that his wife couldn't believe that Melissa Etheridge, whose CD they had just gotten in the mail, was a lesbian. I told him that there were probably many more in the entertainment industry.

I thought that would be the end of the discussion, but it wasn't. My friend told me that he had some questions for me. I had an idea of where the questioning was going. He first asked whether a friend of mine that had gone to a football game with us was gay. I told him yes. He then asked about some others and I told him yes. He then asked about me. I had already decided that I wasn't going to lie to him so when he asked I told him. He said that it didn't matter to him. He liked me for who I was, not for whom I had sex with. I breathed a sigh of relief and wanted to hug him, but he declined. I told him I understood and that a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I also admitted to him that my homosexuality did have something to do with my engagement breaking off (he was the one I was in Charlotte with).

It would be several more months before I would tell anyone else . And ironically, the next person happened to be my friend's wife. She and my ex-fiancee had been close as they moved to Lynchburg at the same time. It was during my farewell dinner when I left Lynchburg to move to Washington. They were on either side of me. At one point during the dinner, she leaned over to me and asked me "Are you?" Knowing what she meant, I told her "Yes". She then leaned over and asked, "Are you happy?" And I told her "Yes". She then told me that that was all that mattered. She also admitted that she knew that it had something to do with my engagement breaking up. Seeing her take this in so calmly was a great relief to me. I figured that she'd be mad since she and my ex-fiancee had gotten really close while my ex-fiancee was living in Lynchburg and even gave me the evil eye sometimes. Nothing could have made me happier since I truly believe that they are two of the kindest, sweetest people I know. They will always hold a special place in my heart, even now that I'm a few hundred miles from them and don't get to see them often.

It's been quite interesting for me to be with them since my coming out to them. We've had some interesting discussions. They are extremely gay friendly. We've had discussions about typically gay topics such as gaydar.. how you acquire it, how other gays know.. I even think my friend is beginning to develop some. As his wife is a nurse, she always has my health in mind and has asked me about being tested, which I have been of course.

It would be a few weeks before my next coming out. In college, there was a large group of us that hung out together, with the core being five guys. One of the five was out in college. This one lives in the Baltimore area. After being up here for a few weeks, I called him up (after a bit of tracking down) to let him know I was in the area. When I reached him, he was surprised. When I told him that I was in Baltimore, he was even more surprised. Knowing my past history, he asked what her name was. I told him that he had the wrong sex. He stuttered for a second and then asked me if I was telling him what he thought I was telling him. I told him that yes, I'm gay. He exclaimed, "you mean I'm not the token homosexual anymore?" I told him that he couldn't be a token if there were two out of five. A few days later I met him and his lover for drinks. Everything went smoothly and we got along better than we ever had before.

My next coming out would happen the day after meeting the previously token homosexual in our group and his lover. I was headed to Delaware to visit some of the other guys from the group. My best friend in school and his wife are the ones I usually stay with when I visit up there. They knew my ex-fiancee well also. We were chatting and at some point, I just told them that I had something to tell them. I proceeded to come out to them. They said they kinda knew, but weren't sure. I said to my friend's wife that she had me pegged, and she admitted that she did. With a lesbian sister and a gay brother, I wasn't surprised. I breathed a sigh of relief. Things were going better with my coming out than I had expected.

Later that day, we decided to go visit another friend, his wife, and their new daughter, whom I had not seen. We were sitting there shooting the breeze and my friend made a comment to me. Knowing that I was now living in Washington, he said that I shouldn't have any trouble finding myself a woman, especially one with big breasts. I was smiling and looking over at my best friend's wife while rolling my eyes. This friend continued this discussion, as he had several beers and tends to get a little rowdy. I finally told him that I had something I had to tell him. He asked me what it was and I told him that I was gay. It took a minute or two to register and then he called his wife over. She hadn't heard what I said and I told her. They didn't seem to mind. After returning home for the weekend, I e-mailed the fifth member of the group to come out to him so he didn't hear it from the others. I got a positive response from him.... So far, so good...

Since then, I've come out to a few more people. These were mostly people that I knew in Lynchburg and they kinda had figured it out. my friend has told me that some have asked about me. He knows what the rule is. If someone asks, he's allowed to tell, but he is not to offer the information without being asked. During my last visit, this became a topic of discussion. It's been no big deal to me, since I keep in contact with only a few good friends down there, but from what I hear, it's no big deal to them. That, in and of itself, is a bit amazing considering that Jerry Falwell is based in Lynchburg.

There are a few more people that I want to come out to. These are people I knew in South Carolina. Unfortunately, I don't think that they will be as accepting as my other friends have been. But who knows. If and when I do come out to them, I'll add their stories to this page.

Coming Out

This page last updated on: 11/03/97