*ALBOLENE FOREVER
An excellent lube is Albolene, which can be found at the drug store. The jar, which has a blue and green label, says it's a "liquifying cleanser," but there's no soap in it. It's made for removing make-up, but it's the best damn stuff for masturbating. Apply a small amount, and you're good for an hour with no drying out -- and it wipes off with a towel easily, leaving no stains. One important thing to remember about Albolene, however, is that it not to be used with condoms, since it's not water-based.
*THE FOO FOO
Get a dishtowel (or any kind of small towel) and a latex glove (the thin kind surgeons use, which can be found in many drug stores or hardware stores). Cut a hole in one of the fingers of the glove. Place the glove at the end of the towel on the side edge, and roll up the towel -- snug, but not tight. Strecth the opening of the glove around the towel to stabilize it, and put some sort of lube into it. Then thrust into it. To clean up, all you have to do is discard the glove -- but be sure to have plenty of extras, because you will love it!
*TAKE TWO, USE THE GOO
If you are able to begin masturbating again shortly after ejaculating, use your semen from the first ejaculation as a lube for the second. One person reported this always makes him ejaculate with more force the second time around. This method is somewhat messy, though.
SHOWER CURTAIN MADNESS
When masturbating in the shower, wrap the shower curtain around your penis. This works best with the "Backhand" grip.
OKAY 'N' TALC
Take your erect penis with your non-masturbating hand, and place its thumb and index finger around the base so the skin is tight all the way down the shaft. Now take some baby powder (talcum powder) and sprinkle it on the head and the upper half of the penis. Next, take the other hand's thumb and index finger and make an "okay" sign. Now "Backhand" your penis with the "okay sign." The only drawback to this technique is wiping off the "pre-cum" and applying more baby power.
GOT ORANGES?
Find a large orange and carefully cut out a hole all the way through it large enough so your penis can fit snugly inside. Next, wrap the orange in a plastic bag (so the juice won't go everywhere), and make a slot for your penis. Finally, anchor it between the mattress and box spring, and hump away. Note: This one can be messy, and it smells like oranges!
SPONGE VAGINA SIMULATOR
Here's a project to build an artificial vagina. Get about 7 inches of a 2-inch-diameter PVC pipe; a large, soft sponge that can hold a lot of water; and balloons or condoms. Cut the sponge into a relatively thin, flat sheet about 5 inches wide and 7 inches long, and make the cut sponge thicker on one edge (so you can create a tighter opening). With fishing twine, sew the sponge together so the two 7-inch sides touch each other. The sponge should now form a cylinder 7 inches long. Put the sponge in the PVC pipe so the inside walls of the pipe are covered with the sponge. You can then put either a condom or one of the squiggly "worm" balloons sold at toy stores through the sponge. Make sure the condom or sponge is secured to the outside of the PVC pipe, and make sure the other end is firmly attached to the other end of the pipe. Then simply put hot water in the sponge. (If the sponge is too hot, it might hurt -- so wait until it's just the right temperature.) Put some kind of lubricant (hand lotion, K-Y jelly, etc.) in the condom or balloon and slide your penis into it. You might need to make the device several times so the sponge is neither too tight or too loose.
THE RUBBER FINGER
This project is elaborate, but it's good if you produce a lot of "pre-cum" while you're masturbating. You'll need three things: a stretchy latex rubber glove (the kind dentists use); baby oil; and a washcloth soaking in hot water. Take off the rubber glove and cut off the longest finger. Turn the finger inside out, put three or four drops of baby oil in the finger, and spread the oil evenly on the surface. Take a few drops of oil and spread it over your erect penis (don't use too much). Next, take the finger and starting from the tip, pull it over your penis while reversing it back from being inside-out; pull it as far down your shaft as possible (without the latex breaking, of course). At the same time that you're holding the latex finger down (don't let it glide back up the shaft), rinse out your washcloth and wrap it around your erect penis fairly tightly. (Hint: It has to be pretty warm.) Wait a minute or two, and surprise, surprise -- like magic, the latex sticks tight around your penis. The next part is the best. Using your muscle contractions pump as much "pre-cum" into the tip of the finger as you can. The longer you do this, the more you fill it up -- and the more you fill it up, the further down the shaft you get the juices. While you're doing this, you can slowly take yourself to heaven by just slowly rotating the finger back and forth, up and down, and have the time of your life. Just make sure the finger doesn't glide up the shaft too much or it will come off.
THE PILLOW PUMPER
Put two pillows (preferably fluffy ones) down on the bed, one top of the other, and then slip your penis between them. Prop yourself up on your arms and begin to pump. This is a free-handed technique.
THE TOILET PUMPER
Lube your dominant hand. Kneeling at the toilet, place your lubed hand palm up and grip your penis. By "pumping" your hips, you can simulate intercourse. The toilet not only acts as a surface level with your hips, it also catches all of your semen for easy clean-up. Wipe your penis with toilet paper, and flush. Bye bye, mess.
THE SOCK PULLER
Turn a sock inside-out, and put it over your penis. Then grab the loose ends on both sides with both hands, and -- without touching your penis -- move the sock up and down.
THE SOCK 'N' CONDOM
Get a condom that's a little too big for your penis, and fill the tip with water and K-Y Jelly or a bit of liquid soap. (Make sure it's not a kind that stings!) Now get your penis wet and slippery (but not foamy), and slide on the condom, getting rid of any air bubbles. Unroll it all the way so it has some excess at the end. It should feel super-smooth and should slide without much friction. Get a soft and elastic sock, and turn the open part inside out over the toe part. Carefully pull it over your penis while making sure there's still some slack at the end of the condom. Lie down on your couch, hold the cushions apart with one hand, pull the sock down in with the other, and settle into a lying-down position. If the lubrication is right, the slightest movement will make your penis slip one way or the other -- it's a challenge just to lie still for several minutes and not ejaculate.
THE LUBE-FILLED CONDOM
Take a condom with a reservoir tip, and fill the tip of the condom with a water-based lube. (The more lube you use, the better it feels.) Once the condom is nice and snug at the base of your penis, squeeze the tip, so the lube gets squished around. Then start to jack.
THE TURBAN
Fold a T-shirt in half lengthwise, put your penis in the fold at one end, and wrap the length of the shirt around your penis like a turban. Roll onto your stomach, and move your pillow down to chest level. Thrust your penis into the "turban" until you ejaculate. This method is good for those who masturbate just before they fall asleep -- the "turban" traps the semen, and it can stay in place until morning.
THE SWIM CAP
Take a latex swim cap, turn it inside out, and put it in a toilet-paper roll or something longer. Fold 2 inches of the cap over the roll, and fix it with a rubber band or tape. Then put some lubrication in the cap, and have a great time!
THE BLANKET-RUB
Lie on your back (on a bed) and lay an unfolded blanket over you. With your arms and hands, tightly hold down the blanket to the bed. Now move your hips up and down and back and forth so your penis rubs against the blanket. It takes a while until ejaculation, but it feels good -- it simulates a girl on top of you.
THE DRY TUBE
Take the tube from inside a toilet roll, and get a sheet of tissue. Wrap the tissue completely around the end of your penis, slide the tube over it (it should be quite a tight fit), and masturbate normally with the tube; the tissue takes the place of any lubricant. Beware -- this makes quite a lot of noise, but it's an interesting sensation.
THE SHOWER MASSAGE
If you masturbate in the shower and have a shower massager, lie on your back in the tub, and turn the nozzle to a really rough setting -- something that would give your back a decent massage. Put the water on that really sensitive spot on the underside of your penis. After a couple of seconds to a couple of minutes, you'll have a great orgasm.
THE WASHCLOTHED SHOWER HEAD
While in the shower, completely cover the shower head with a washcloth and hold it there with your free hand. There should be a large stream of water falling straight down. Put the head of your penis in the stream and masturbate normally.
THE LITTLE BOXERS
Put on some old boxer shorts that are too small, and pull your penis and scrotum out of the fly. Then pull the shorts up so they are tight, and fold the tops down, so you have a little bikini-type thing with your penis sticking out the front. This puts pressure on your penis that feels good, and masturbating like this provides a different sensation.
THE BLOW DRYER
While masturbating, use a hair dryer to blow hot air over your penis. This heightens the sensation of orgasm -- although it will dry you out if you're using a water-based lube.
THE FEATHER DUSTER
Masturbate with a feather duster by dusting the head of your penis.
THE NUMMER
Mix lube with some benzocaine, a topical anesthetic available in drugstores, and masturbate slowly. Use a strong grip, and switch from right to left. The benzocaine will make it last until you cannot hold it -- and sometimes the semen will flow like a faucet.
Courtesy of JackinWorld.
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