4/23/2003 - WOW, how could I be old enough to have a middle child 30 years old? Well, you would be, and your birthday was phenomenal. I woke up that morning and as soon as I opened my eyes, I said the F word. It's been a while since I remembered so quickly. Was so sad all day, wore your button picture on my lapel all day, told everyone it was your birthday.

Barbara organized a balloon launch and I am so glad I went. I got to meet Alex, her baby girl, oh how you would love her. She's so shy, but I know she would not have been with you. She is CRAZY about Aunt Rita (your other pretty lady). I'm so happy Aunt Rita has her. Anyway, Barb had 30 big balloons, we all walked out into the field beside her yard, sang Happy Birthday, and let the balloons go. It was awesome.

I felt Barbara's pain, oh my, hon, she is still so hurt. You need to do something about that. But Chris, I felt so much better after I left there. You are still so loved. And no one can know what that means to me, well, maybe your Dad can. I love you my brown eyed boy. Hope you are having a great big gig in the sky.

4/23/2001 - Damn, I wish you had lived to see these dates. 4/23/2001. Unbelievable. Would you really be 28? How could this be pooh bear? I miss you my forever young boy, but I know you are with me. At long last, I feel you around me. God Bless You, on this, your 28th birthday. xo xo 6262

6/16/00 - 3 years today that we all said our last good-bye to you. Tommy and Linda signed you guess book and I could feel their hurt. Why does it surprise me that others remember and ache? Such a cool dude, you were Chris.

4/23/2000 Happy 27th!

Instead of focusing on how much I miss you and ache for you, instead of remembering all the things I need you for...today I am going to celebrate that you were you. Chris, I appreciated your kind heart most of all the things you were, your loving manner, your compassion and strength. I am proud to have been your mom on this planet. I heard a story from your dad about you helping a stranger out at WalMart. Your dad was so kind to give me the credit for your humanity. Maybe your dad and I steered the way. But the choice was yours to be loving and honorable. The way you looked out for people, helped your family and friends, without expectations of rewards fills my heart with great joy. A psychic said that you are now an angel studying directly under St. Jerome. Evidently this is an honor. Even in death I am proud of you. I love you Chris and I still miss you without measure. Shine on...

3/27/00 Your name sake Christopher was playing the other day and ran to a dart board. Of all the bright lights and colorful things, he ran to the dart board. That you, Chrispyfer?

3/21/99 - Watching the Oscars, didn't realize Val Kilmer has your smile. GOD, I miss that smile. Jason and Jessica had their baby, named him Christopher...alternately kills me and thrills me...he was born where I was when you died, what's up with that? he was due on the day Joey died, but came early..Stacey got married, she's having a baby...that was a real killer, but i know you want me to love her still, and I do..i miss you mountain dew no fear boy...still waiting for a message Crispyfer...6262

12/12/98

Our second Christmas apart. I got the stockings out tonight. The ones you boys have had for over 20 years. They rip my heart out. I go to the store and see things you would have liked and can barely breathe. I miss my head on your chest, listening to your heart,the smell of Pantene in your hair, that heart stopping smile. My pooh bear, I love you so. This LONGING for you is so hard. Your friend Jason and his wife Jessica are having a baby, they're going to name him Chris. I'm glad. Vicarious thrills. Shine on baby, shine on.

7/19/98

Where will this all go, what does it all mean? Went to Hewitts Service Center, young boy in there, long blonde hair, he was so sweet, made my heart hurt. Yesterday Stacey came over, going through the mail was a KMART flyer, young guy on front, holding a girls hand. We agreed it looked like Chris. Constant, ever present. Are these reminders gifts or torture?

6/11/98:

A bunch of us went to the Brass Rail to celebrate Christopher. It was very nice. We laughed some, we cried some, we bitched some. We all miss him so much. sigh...

4/21/98

In two days it will be, would have been Chris' 25th birthday. He always told me he wouldn't see 25, but I didn't believe him. As the day draws near, I found myself wondering what his last day on earth was like.

Everyone is always telling us to live life like today might be your last...what was Chris' last day like? Does anyone out there know? I know Stacey called several times and tried to wake him up...he still overslept. (I got a cell phone just so I could call and wake him up but I was in California that day)

I know his boss chewed him out for being late. But no one has told me what happened after that. Did he have a good day? Did he enjoy the rest of it? Did he have fun?

God, I miss him. I look at his picture and I get dizzy. Remembering the beauty of him.

I hear me singing to him, driving down route 5, "Wake up, Wake up, you sleepy head, Wake up, wake up, get your sweet self outta that bed." Josh asks me to sing it and I can't get the words out.

On June 11, 1997, Chris died .

He was traveling too fast in his truck and lost control when he met another car on the road.

Chris died 2 years to the day that we found his brother Joey's body after it was missing for 11 weeks.

On Monday, 16 June, we said goodbye to him, the same day we said good bye to Joey. I hope they are together now. Watching over us. I imagine them as little boys, blonde and tan, running through the woods,climbing trees and staying up all night and laughing. So happy to be together again. Shine on, my crazy diamonds.

Christopher was my
He loved his family,,

Pink Floyd and playing darts. He worked for C-Me construction and he was really good at it. He hoped to have his own business one day.

Soon as I am able, I'll try to make this more about CHRIS and less about me.

I've been getting a lot of phone calls, letters and cards from people telling me about the Chris they knew. There is one consistent thread through all of them, he was a kind hearted man, who genuinely cared about people. And they all say he had a smile that could light up a room. If you feel that, imagine how it lit up my heart? I am so proud he was mine. He was a good man, a kind man, a loving heart, a tender soul. He cared about people. What more could a mother want?

Chris and his favorite wild woman, Kayla

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