i missed you tonight
as sand would slip thru my fingers
or perhaps soap on a tile floor
would slide from under my palm

close your eyes
i imagine that you
alone
would fill this
in my stomach
by thought as i
have to you

sent, further, away
given in
hope?
i deny
this
is what
i am
perhaps i always knew it
weak, or i just don't
remember quantitatively
how i should
react to this similar
situation
showing all my
soul to
someone
secluded away
somewhere i cannot
touch

you
have dreamed your way
into my head
as breeze has warmed
my back from being in
the sun

i always
needed you
not you
but the shadow
of what
i hope
you
always
have become
in my head

reincarnation
it feels
deja vu soaks
into me
your sound
leaking from your lips
falling from your mouth
recycled

peace
is in my arms
in a flannel pillow
imagining
too far
i know
not
what i do
exepting that it
mends
me

give
is all
i wish
for in
you
changing my
mind, all you
need
but give me
breath
like a plum
on my tongue

i don't
explain myself
for your pedestal
and cannot fathom
your crescent moon smiles
over analyze the situation
until i swear my
head bleeds
inside

guarantee
lays beside
me
and i don't
explain myself
and feel not the need
when you
like the hair of
a god
walk in
and tense my
back clinch my
teeth
inadvertently

the last thing
i want
is to come on
strong
or
at all and truthfully
have never been on this side of
admiration for
years
it's rock sugar
to me
and trading it for much else
seems
redundant

Red x
you are
on my map
thus far
i find my way around,
as if you
are destination,
home

mist
you are
to me
dissipate more
with each day
thought
deed
is done tho
and some plants
grew
without sunlight

lost
my pieces
in with pieces of
you
like two jigsaw puzzles
and left pieces of
me
as if to guarantee
return

odd moments
how you're doing
flies into my ears
shake it off
knowing
i'm doing
fine, tho
not half as fine
as you are to me

humbling
and knocking me off
my grandstand of
a tv dinner tray
to better view
you
life
country music

crush
me you have
like junior
high, but it feels more like
swell
under my ribcage
i ease out
the excess air
to prevent
bursting
rupture, knowing
i am
nothing
to the hair
of god

touch of you
spaced, singular
odd
intervals
i hold in
me
cherish
nothing

you read
me inside
open book i
have been
to reader
and you can read
i am amazed
inside and
throughout

you
reach in
relate
to all within me
i need
more of
understanding

i cannot
feel so
solitaire
being bored with the game
you were what i left
old for

power
as light
to dry sheets on
clotheslines
you taste sweet
to my eyes
and your words falling
fall soft

how
i want
to feel this
chime
in my stomach
all day
i hold
to each sensation
that remind me of
crawling into
cold sheets
on a summer day

one nite
i want to feel
your chest pressed against
my back, as if you were
pressing me
flat
run my fingers
thru your soft hair
as i would run them
thru grass
tickle you until you would
wrestle me to the
floor, and gaze into my
eyes so i'd have to say no words
but then want the chance to
hear your voice
just for the sake of
watching your lips
move and hearing melody
not knowing where it goes
understand
what you say
and watch you
dance
again
hold my cheek against
yours and feel
breath past my ear
and to send it
past yours
keep our heads held
together at the
center of our
eyes, to blur vision
and feel something that
is no sense between
two
and awaken to you
still sleeping
and hold it
on to it
as long
as i would
know
this
and
believe
in
a soul
mate
without thought
of
leaving

if i
could control
this
helpless
i know
it is in
your hands
i wish
to see
you
and cannot even
find
you

i breathe
in and
out
but that
is life
to me
concentrating on the
mundane until
it
passes
life

loved
i hope
i wish
for this
time
in a way
that my twisted
warped
mind
think counts
i need the way
you looked at me
to be always
how i'm looked
upon
i need to be
more
than what
i am
without
someone
like you

without
i am
fine
i function
and twirl
and work
but cannot convince
that i truly
go

you fill
a cavity
perpetual
in thought
built up
yes
but i wouldn't be
impressed
i don't
build up
anybody

understand
i want
you
for me
this is
all i
know now
this time i just
need some
epponine
in me
but still
you have not smashed
hope
and i have not
fallen
before an opportunity to
catch you

tonight i missed you
as a trapped bubble would
split into two, or socks over
polish would slide

try
i am
to know
what is happening
with you

yours
i feel i need
to be
right for you
and dance you
down
across the world
and make you
mine. John.
 

~Jan Brian Vis