Life Long Struggle - Part Two

Well, I finally have the chance to continue my story. I left off while I was still in college. College for me at that time was mostly trying to hide my inner desires to be a female. Everyday was one big party. From the time I woke up until I passed out at night. I used whatever means I had to hide the struggle that raged on so violently within myself. Needless to say, school was not a high priority for me. And my grades reflected that.

This continued until I decided to marry my first wife. She and I had been very close friends for years. I had moved to Houston, Texas to continue school, but after three weeks we both missed each other so much, that we knew our friendship was more than just a friendship. We both loved each other and a week later I was with her once again. Three months later we got married. Had a very big wedding and a nice honeymoon in Vegas. Little did my wife know that I had a deep dark secret which I could not reveal to her.

But the war raged on inside of me. Growing worse as time went on. I was headed for the deepest depression I had yet experienced in my life. And it was rather obvious to everyone I knew, including my wife and her family. I had become a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at anyone and everyone. Society had become my mortal enemy, I was powerless against it's driving force to be that gender I was so nicely given to me at birth. Wrong as it was, I could do nothing to change it.

One weekend we went fishing with the whole family and I made such an ass out of myself that I finally broke down and told my wife after we had gotten home. Stunned and totally confused she stayed with me and offered to help out if she could. After years of not being able to express that part of myself, I finally got the chance to start dressing again. But in the back of my mind I knew that was to be the beginning of the end of my marriage. And so it came to an end rather suddenly and without warning - she was gone. Three months later, we were divorced.

I was devestated, hurt and totally humilated. I tried so hard to get back together but to no avail. She wanted nothing to do with me and my problem. I moved into a small apartment and hid for weeks from anyone and everyone. Drinking and other unmentionables were again my only friend. I did come out of my marriage with some clothes and started dressing again with the little I had. After months of keeping to myself, my best friend persuaded me to go to a halloween party. Reluctantly, I went and believe it or not, I went as the Marlboro Man. At that party, I met my second wife to be. Things started to look better for me. I made sure this time that my second wife knew all about me before we got married. Once we were married the fun really started for me. She accepted who and what I am and gave lots of love and support. Not to mention teaching me how to be a real female. But that didn't just happen overnight.

To be continued........