Being an idol to millions of horny gay boys, I naturally receive tons of e-mail in the vain hope that I'll actually read and respond to these poor, horny losers. While it does sometimes amuse us (i.e., I, I'm using the "royal" us) to read these pathetic attempts at communication from the masses, we usually just delete them, unless they are promising to send us $
However, since many of you have been asking what happens to these letters, we have decided to post a few of them here, along with the responses we would have sent, if we had any class at all. So, here is the first installment in this series.
Enjoy!
yobyarg sez:
Did you ever think that, just maybe, if you treated people nicer, you wouldn't have to run away and hide from your "fans?"
I SAY:
NO! That would require analytical and, perhaps, *yuck* self-critical thinking and, being an independently wealthy, Gen-X, yuppie bastard and the son of independently wealthy, Gen-IX, yuppie bastards, that kind of intellectual activity is not only beyond my capabilities, but is now, and will always be, unnecessary! Hey, let's not forget who's the one with the million-dollar condo and the Vette! ME!!!
qt sez:
"You seem to think you're the new Shakespeare or Wilde or Capote or sumthin, but they write about other people and things, while all you write about is yourself! You're not even a third-rate Kerouac! How self-absorbed and egotistical are you to think that anyone would be interested in constantly reading about a spoiled brat rich kid who gets everything he wants from his rich daddy, then tries to use his money to buy the love, or sex, of others?"
I SAY:
To answer your questions, first, I don't think I'm the new Shakespeare, I think he's the old ME! Second, I'll start writing about other people when I find some that are as cute, smart, and rich as me. Hey, who am I kidding, there will never be anyone as cute, smart, and rich as me, so why bother writing about anyone else? Third, Kerouac didn't have a Vette, so who cares what he wrote? Fourth, about how self-absorbed and egotistical I am, if you read the rest of what I wrote, you already know the answer to that: VERY! Finally, about using money to buy love, ain't that what it's for? I mean, really, who would love me if it wasn't for my money?
bonrboy sez:
"Do you have any interests outside of yourself?"
I SAY:
Obviously, NO!
jonny sez:
Do your mommy & daddy know that you're spending their money to buy cute boys then whoring them out on your website to make money off their bodies?"
I SAY:
Obviously, NO!
ian sez:
"How can you complain about people treating ur bf like a slutty ho when you're the one who got him to pose nekkid alone and while he was having sex with u, who posted his pics on ur site, and even put a video cam in his bedroom and charged ppl to watch him havin sex alone & with other bois? You're the 1 who pimped him out and made him a sex object to begin with!"
I SAY:
Easy, I'm a hypocrite! Just because I objectify all the cute guys I'm with doesn't mean other people can, even if I put up pics of them on the web nekkid and having sex and charge people money for the privilege of ogling them. You must admit, they are cute! And well worth the $!
shane sez:
"U sed if I sent u sum of my undies u'd send me a CD-ROM full of nekkid pics of u & ur bf's but I didnt get it yet an its been ova a yr!"
I SAY:
Keep watchin ur mail! I'm sure it'll be there any day now! (hehehe) Btw, Shane, you have really nice undies *blush* but what are those stains? hehehe
Keep them e-mails coming! Maybe someday yours will be here, too! (right!)
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