I have many friends whom I treasure deeply. It is my hope that this section of my web presence will expand and include more about what each one means to me. I do hope this is understandable to them and to the reader. Because an individual is named here does not mean that they are gay. Indeed, many of my friends are quite str8 and I treasure them for it, just as I treasure the gay men whom I have come to know.
First, let me introduce you to me in 1974 .....
Here is the contrast of todays styles and some 28 years of aging...........
Of course, I can be playful as I was at the most recent Pride Parade
or I can enjoy the sun as I did in February 2003 in Key West 
.
I would also like to include pictures and some material here about some of my friends. I feel very strongly that they are the people who mean the most to me. I have needed them so much as I face a new world. Right now, I do not have all the materials I would like to include on the following people BUT note that I will be adding it as I get time. Some of the people who mean the most to me include:
Bob was a man 15 years my senior whom I met on-line first when he organized a dinner in Toronto for the group [email] of married men out-to-their-wives (HOW, originally HOTTS for Husbands Out to Their Spouses). I attended two of those dinners before I moved out. Bob was in the process of moving to Toronto where I assumed he had moved in with a lover he had had back in 1950. He and I met each other a couple of times during the spring of 2000 and when I moved Bob was extremely helpful in seeing to my needs. I called him my big brother.
After an event that we attended together, we adjourned to my still new apartment and before we knew it we were kissing and enjoying new experiences. Strengthened by a wonderful weekend in Montreal, we joined groups together and spent time each week as real soul mates. We had more than a friendship and it kept growing. My first attempt to put on a birthday party was in honour of Bob's birthday.
Unfortunately, Bob's life ended rather quickly during the summer of 2001. In June, we returned to Montreal on our six month anniversary as I had a conference to attend and spent time in the same B&B and even the same room. Bob slept while I attended the conference. Within three weeks he was in the Hospital with cancer and just two months after that trip he was dead. It was a blessing to me to see him reunite with his family and be at peace with them the last weekend of his life.
At the memorial weekend we had a dinner in his honour where I was presented with a picture of the two of us - the only picture I know of of the two of us.
In addition, some pictures from the memorial include Bob's sister MJ and others.
This picture shows MJ talking to Jarvis, a regular lunch buddy and a friend of Bob's.
This picture shows MJ with my sister ML
This picture shows Johnny Mac with Ron at the reception - Ron is my childhood friend while Johnny Mac is a long-time member of HOW
Phil Leighfield is a former student of mine to whom I had introduced Bob several times. Phil was kind enough to come to the service and I caught this at the following reception.
Alexander is a charming, vivascious, loving young man whom I met in October 2001 through HOW as he was going through his separation . He attended his first HOW dinner in Toronto the weekend of Bob's memorial although I had had dinner at Zelda's with him prior to that. As time went, Alexander and I had more and more dinners together and chatted on-line fairly often.
I took him to the Toolbox to a Bear's night in April and May and then to the Black Eagle in May. He had never been before. He took me as his guest to the Inside-Out Festival opening and closing galas in 2002 along with several of the movies as his business was a sponsor. His streaked hair and sparkles drew the attention of TV cameras and certainly turned my head. On the long weekend in May, while I had a couple of bears visiting from Erie PA, I involved Alexander and we spent most our time together - getting along as a pair as well as a foursome in exploring the gay village.
We have travelled together in the US to Ohio, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Illinois, Wisconsin, Florida, California and parts between. Like Bob, Alexander is highly intelligent, plays word games well (and I love having my words twisted into things I had not thought of), but most importantly is non-judgemental and cuddly. I also insist, he is not a young Bob - he is so different and so inviting.
Alexnader and I will never be partners. We agreed to share accomodations and so we took a two-bedroom apartment together in September 2002. We are BEST FRIENDS and there is no way one can describe the kind of realtionship we have, as we both date and look.
RON W 
I first met Ron right after Christmas 1947. He lived next door to me and my mother saw him looking out at me playing. He was 11 months younger than I and we became best of friends between 1948 and 1957 when I moved away from there. I spent many wonderful summer weeks at Ron's cottage. My parents were close friends of Ron's parents and so the families would sometimes be together when my parents rented a cottage near the Waddington's or when the two families travelled together.
Ron and I used to talk about other guys when out for recess or such as early as Grade 3 but of course neither of us knew that might mean something about our orientation later in life. Ron was the "brother I never had". We also used to be in cub scouts together and we played many weekend days and after school together - we were inseparable. To some extent I was happy to move away since it forced me to look for other friends but I always missed Ron.
Ron's family also moved when I was in University and he had a terrible car crash. I saw him very infrequently after that and lost touch for a period of over 26 years. Then, in 1996 I was reintroduced via phone to Ron by a mutual friend who knew where we had both lived when we were little. We came out to each other right then over the phone. We had never experimented when we were young BUT we were both unlike the other boys when it came to sports and recesses in school and it does not surprise me that we both came out of the closet. It just seems so natural.
Unfortunately, Ron was on long-term disablility because of AIDS. He has been hospitalized three times since I was reintroduced to Ron.
Ron lost his partner of 16 years on June 22, 2001 and after that he and I grew closer again. He had me visit him at the cottage where I had first visited him in 1952 when my mother and father signed the deed as Ron's parents bought the cottage. I spent many weeks there from then through 1956 but it was 45 years later that I next visited. Both Ron and I enjoy swimming and my place had a pool so Ron visited often to have a swim.
On December 27, 2001, Ron and I flew to Phoenix AR where I was doing a contract job. We had a wonderful apartment provided for us next door to the hotel where I was undertaking my work. Ron would come over at coffee break, lunch, and dinner and we enjoyed our time there. We visited Frank Lloyd Wright's Western location and flew back to Toronto January 1, 2002. Within days Ron was in a dperession, visiting for a swim only twice in January. By February, his sister Harriett had him admitted to hospital for psychiatric help but his AIDS had advanced during his depression. He died on January 31, 2003. I visited him at two hospitals and also at Casey House throughout the year and spoke at his memorial on February 8, 2003. I am setting up a separate page for my speech regards his memorial (to be completed).
In the picture below, Ron is on the right. The fellow on the left is John M. from the HOW group (Husbands Out to Wives). The picture was taken in November 2001 at the memorial for Bob - thus the refreshments.
Mike was a guy I met on-line. He led me to believe he was leaving high school and while from Wisconsin was heading to Chicago to attend school.
In September 2001, Mike contacted me to find out where I lived in Canada and within a week we had breakfast together at my apartment. Later in December Mike visited from Wisconsin. Mike is not a high school student turned University student. He in fact has his doctorate and is retired from high school teaching, lives in the wilds of Wisconsin and is fixing up his house to be his retirement castle. Mike intends to travel since that is one of the few ways he can find a gay community and since I love to travel I am sure we will put together some trips in the future together. Mike is the most wonderful company because of a sharp wit and a humour which is catching.
Terry and I first met through the old BBS systems which used to be popular before the net became a means of instant communication. We hit it off and seemed particularly able to strike up conversations. Terry is a tall man with a strong sense of right and wrong but he has had many problems with his health. That has put him on to a disability pension which makes his life quite miserable - since he can not risk going off it because of his multiple illnesses. However, he is a friend through and through and he has helped me for many years with friendship and with the computer. His company is welcomed. In November 2002, Terry moved to a new smaller apartment (forced by housing authority) and just a week before he moved, he was struck by a vehicle and ended up in the hospital for three months. I had agreed to move him and with his neiece managing the keys to the two places, a number of students, Alexander, and I moved Terry's goods to his new place. As of October 2003, 11 months after the accident, Terry is still using a cane and is still in physical therapy.
Allan and his wife were friends when I was still in my marriage. We went places as two couples and enjoyed that. We met through the women doing Bible Study, Allan's wife as the teacher and my wife as the student.
However, Allan and I have met on a number of occassions since my separation and we have talked about so many issues. I took a course from Allan in the spring of 2001 on Spiritual Gifts. Allan lost a brother during 2001 and I was able to see information about the memorial before Allan did and keep him informed as his brother was part of the community to which I have attached myself in Toronto. I regularly pray for Allan as I see him going through a really rough spot in his life as he was asked to step aside from his ministry - a whole other story. He loved the ministry and my perception is that he has been treated highly unfairly by his wife, whom he separated from in October 2002. I felt safe coming out to Allan even though his denomination thinks being gay is not that appropriate.
Michael is a friend who saw me through an extremely difficult time. He helped me realize that I became a co-dependent (my counselor says an enabler) which has made life very very difficult for me the last few years.
Michael lives in Toronto and is slightly older than I and yet he looks young and acts young. He also was a co-dependent and has learned very well the lessons of how to get past that. I depended on him a great deal to help me keep going when the going got rough. The relationship is not continuing because I did not move out of the marriage fast enough to satisfy Michael.
Michael and I met on The Blade, even though I was not a member at the time. I was trying to resign as a member and Michael spotted me and contacted me. Who says computers do not permit one to meet and make friends or more?
John contacted me back in the earlier portion of the 1990s and I corresponded with him as a pen pal for several years before meeting him for the first time in 1995. He lives in Stoney Creek and has four children, being retired from Dofasco. John is a wonderful friend who talks wonderfully on the phone on a regular basis. He and I seem to have many interests in common.
I watched Larence mate and got to know his partner well (indeed I taught his partner) and considered them to be close friends. While I was on sabbatical, Larence's partner left the relationship and subsequently, Larence took a job out-of-town and as a consequence I see much less of him than I would like. Larence and I were friends in the sense that we could talk and his probing questions helped me to grow when I would not otherwise have done so.
Rob Bustard was the leader of the first men's Promise Keeper's group I belonged to. He is a wonderful Christian believer and adds so much in the way of joy and positive outlook to every day. Before my sabbatical, Rob and I started to meet for coffee at Tim Horton's and talk and pray for each other. While I was away on sabbatical Rob and his family moved to Romania for a year of missions work. Since we both returned, Rob has been searching for the right opportunity as he does not wish to engage full-time in the business he and his brothers had started so we meet for coffee when we can.
Rob is the first and only of my prayer group members I am out to at this point in time. He has been accepting and discreet.
Steve is an individual I met when he was an engineering student at the University of Waterloo. He now lives in Barrie and contacts me on a regular basis and drops in to see me sometimes.
I met Dan on the Rainbow list which is a list for local GLBT people in Kitchener/Waterloo/Guelph. Dan lived in Guelph and was sometimes known as the grammar queen but I was fascinated by his superb use of language.
Dan with his beautiful deep voice, his lovely ability to express himself, his love of classical music done as it had been done originally had spirits which bothered him, forcing him to give up on his schooling. Dan ended his life in the spring of 2001 - SUCH a HUGE loss to society.
Andre is a guy I met through a gay Christian on-line group. He is a school teacher (Mathematics)in the northern reaches of southern Ontario and our first meetings were over our interest in what it meant to be gay and a Christian. Andre is still in his marriage and is not out to his wife. He visited Waterloo more than he does Toronto but like Ron U he was a student at the University of Waterloo when I was a beginning professor and first figured out then that he might have an issue with sexuality. Andre occassionally stays at my place while attending a conference and has developed into a good friend.
IMG SRC="rainbow_thinline.gif"> 
Clinton I met through his response to an ad I had placed in Xtra. While we seem extremely compatible so far as our interests are concerned and we do get together for coffee whenever we can we have remained platonic friends. Clinton is of Dutch ancestry and is very loving and kind.
He currenly works in Cambridge after having jobs in Toronto and up north, after having quit his job of many years as an optometrist in Guelph. The job is a live-in one (at least some of the time) and so I do not see him as much as I would like to now.
Sometimes, particularly when I was going through the feelings of rejection from my ex being violent, having a coffee with Clinton was enough to strengthen me for several days.
When I first started as a Professor, I was young and had a young family. I was not observing what was going on around me. I have since met two guys who were at the time students in the city and both were feeling their way towards their orientation. Ron was one of those. He was a student in Planning and currently works in Alberta.
Ron contacted me in 1999 via e-mail and we have managed to get together a few times in Toronto and in Alberta. Ron has a partner - a retired University Professor who is almost twice Ron's age. They seem to have a lot of good times together, travelling and belonging to Prime Timers. I find Ron and I are soul mates in some ways for our conversations flow and our time together leaves me feeling wonderfully young and vibrant. .
When I went to St. Louis the first time, I was going to look for a place to live while on sabbatical and I also was helping for two weeks at a residency for a new University. One of the students at the residency seemed particularly friendly and as a Christian, he and I had much to talk about. We started to share rides to the residency site and he and his wife entertained my wife and myself before we left to get our things to move to the area. Bobby and I became prayer partners when I went back there and typically we would meet at a Burger King or Steak and Shake for a coffee and talk and pray. I valued that SO much.
Bobby was a former pastor and former Principal of a Christian School. He and his wife were home schooling and I felt doing an excellent job as parents.
Bobby suggested one time after I had been in St. Louis for about 8 months that we have a beer instead of coffee so I told him I would take him to a bar the next time. I had been wanting to be open with him. I drove him to a gay bar in mid-afternoon and by the time we got there he knew. He claimed to have already guessed BUT for me, he was the first non-gay, non-professional I had come out to and that was just in 1998.
Bobby literally saved my life. One night when I was struggling with my depression over what to do about my marriage I got up in the middle of the night and turned on the computer to write instructions to my sons about what to do and where to find things like my will. Bobby's son saw I was on and Bobby came on chat and said he was busy and could only stay for a few minutes. He quickly picked up the state I was in and talked for 90 minutes and prayed with me all on-line. I did not write that letter to my sons.
I first met Dick in an orientation session in White Plains NY in 1994 (?). He and I seemed to hit it off really well and I was intrigued by his topic he had chosen for his Ph.D. program (a topic which ultimately did become his dissertation although he narrowed it somewhat). Dick asked me to be a part of his dissertation committee and we kept in touch by phone and email ever since. In 2000, we got together as couples when Dick and his wife brought a couple from Britain from New Jersey to see Niagara Falls. I have to say that Dick is one person whom I really appreciate - we tend to think compassionately but also conservatively.
An example of the kind of person Dick is - one day after a fight with my spouse, I was feeling really down in my office. The phone rang and it was Dick. He said he just felt like calling me and I believe that call lifted my spirits immensely. He is a kind wonderful man.
I have visited Dick in his home and he and his wife are stupendous host and hostess. They have a beautiful spot in a town in NJ where Bob Long grew up. I find these connections ironic and interesting.
I first met Rick on-line too. We scheduled a chance to meet but snow interupted and after about 4 years of corresponding, I met Rick. He is a really nice guy who is an airline steward. He is a bear by preference and enjoys such activities.
James Cranney contacted me when he saw one of my stories of fantasy ON the NET and we discovered that we shared many fantasies in common. He is a retired school teacher a month older than me and so he visits me occassionally. He used air miles to buy us a trip to San Francisco in 2001.
In the picture above, James is on the right. I am in the middle and Bill is on the left. Bill is a member of MBML (Married Bears MAiling List) on the net and James and I have met him each of the two times we have visited San Francisco.
Charin V. is my son by choice and lives in Thailand. He is a most beautiful boy who teaches artistry and would love to have me as his full-time daddy here in Canada. Whether it can ever happen or not is so much a pipe dream BUT no one said I could not dream. It is now a matter of trying to find a way to visit Thailand.
