May 2001

Entry #14: 05/09/01...2:08PM

Well...Lots to rant about this time around also...After all, only one entry for all of April...hehe
Let's see...All the mess with my wallet & bank account has been settled & I am now back in the green, however tenuous that grasp may be...
I am now working on plans to make all my city-bound dreams come to fruition...We'll see how that works out...
All is well on the relationship front thus far...Going on, well, whaddayaknow...6 weeks as of today...I suppose I can now mention him in name...hehe...His name is Nick, so I'm still working on the pic to show you how cute & adorable he is...So I'll be sure to let ya'll know when that's up...
I guess, that's about it now...I'll come back & inform you all of what has transpired in my planning...Til then...


Entry #15: 05/15/01...12:04PM

Well...This should prove to be an interesting entry indeed...
I'll begin as all stories do, I suppose
Once upon a time there was a young boy who met & fell in love with another young boy...Their's was a story of love as true as youth can be, & fraught with all the trouble that youth can be...As this is a fairly new journal, beginning in this year 2001, there has been never before been any mention of Terry (pictured here as he was then), for all intents & purposes, my first Love.
&, as it is with love, no one escapes unscathed, or unchanged, & never unhurt in some way as anyone who's been in love can attest to.
A couple of days ago I checked my e-mail only to find that Terry had found me through some twist of chance as someone was using my countenance as their own. Why they couldn't find someone more attractive, I know not...hehe...I was quite surprised & not a little nervous to be receiving this e-mail.
It turns out that all is well with him, & that he is now happily involved with a woman, & seems to have gotten on quite well with his life.
I was unsure of how to process this um...What's the word I need? Resurface, re-entrance, consider me still unable to define my though there then...hehe...But, I am still unsure of how to deal with this. I am, on one hand, of course, very happy for him, & all that happened is left in the past where it should lay forevermore, but the shades of life that change us never leave us entirely, & I don't know that I can offer a hand in friendship when it is the lack of that that led me to where I am ...It is the hardships that we overcome that eventually show us our inner strengths.
& now, I ask myself, in embracing those hardships can we also embrace the cause of them in a different manner? & can anything ever truly be left totally to the past??
I wish to say that I am adult enough to offer a hand in friendship, after all, once a love is born it can never be unborn, only changed. However, I would be deluding myself if I said that I don't still feel some twinge of undealt anger. I do, of course, love him, & always will I have that capacity within me...So then, I do have some thinking to do I suppose...
I know those that are less willing to give forgiveness than myself, & I do not blame them their anger, it only comes from loving me also. However, if we never allow for forgiveness, where then goes our humanity, & basic human kindness??
Is it little wonder that so many find it hard to believe in God. I have enough on my plate with life, yet still he finds more to give me...Yet somehow, I still say better to believe. Tony would be so proud...& Nick would just shake his head...hehe
Until next time...


Entry #16: 05/16/01...3:52PM

I've just sent an e-mail to Terry...Whether that's a good idea or not, I don't know, but I believe that I at least owed him that much respect after having the courage to write me after all this time...I feel like I made the proper adult decision, after all... Am I not always the one saying 'if they were special enough to mean something to me once shouldn't they be special enough to mean something to me always??
The soundness of that decision shall be tested with time I suppose...
Now, on to the job front...Jo says that she saw Roscoe's was hiring like crazy last night, so I'm thinking that I should make another attempt to convince the manager there that the trip to the city is not problematic for me. I would so LOVE to tend there...
That's about it for now...Laterz...


Entry #17: 05/22/01...3:08PM

Well, I called Roscoe's back, but as yet still no callback...*shrug*
I'm thinking of going back & applying at a few of the other places, maybe I'll have more luck this time...
Not much else to report...
Tony is planning on visiting for PRIDE, & I'm looking forward to that...It'll be great to see him again.
Nick & I are still doing well for two people who's personalities clash in a lot of ways...We get along amazingly well...hehe...I blame our stubbornness to defeat one another somehow...hehe...However, it is, I'm glad it's working out...
Let you know about anything that comes up...


Entry #18: 05/27/01...11:58PM

Let's see...Nothing going on too differently, much like always...
I am currently addicted to Snake, the game found on a lot of Nokia phones, & graphing calculators...hehe...I must win!!!
I'm looking forward to Pride because my best friend Tony will be coming into town, & I haven't seen him since Februaryt...I better stock up on film now...hehe...Although he is very shy when I pull out a camera...He hates that...So I have to fight him...
We'll see though...Let you know how it goes...


April June