Ranting & Raving... The Gay "Lifestyle"

Entry #1:

Let me begin by saying that I do not accept the use of the words "lifestyle choice" to define what is in my opinion a facet of an individual's life, not, in most cases, a choice. The best percentage I can get from the web is that most likely about 8% of the world's population is homosexual or bisexual for a significant length of their lives. Does this sound like a choice? 8% of the world population would choose to be persecuted? I mean, if it were a matter of choice, then we would all have to be some seriously masochistic people. & while I do not judge those into that sort of thing...It's not for me...

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines:
*lifestyle* pron. ( lIf-'stIl )
noun
date: 1939
:the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture

If one is a nudist, then this can be more easily termed a "lifestyle choice". Said nudist chose to go without clothing. One could argue that we are born without it, I suppose, & the point would be valid...However, It's most usually in human nature to cover one's self due to our evolving & losing our once protective fur. Thereby becoming these streamlined models that must now create a replacement, which must be the reason for those god-awful fur coats with the heads still attached. It's some sort of throwback to our caveman natures. Hmph! Sophistication, indeed...
My point, though, is getting muddled...hehe...The way my mind works, I fear. Please try to wade through my tangents to the main point, as I will try to go on with as few of them as possible.
As it is defined above I have some issue with the word lifestyle when used to define my being gay. As in 'the gay lifestyle'. While it is true that there are a lot of similarities in how any homosexual person lives their life, I tend to see this use of the word as more of a fence. The person using it is trying to place my life into this neat little checkbox. & can anyone be truly defined by a checkbox? Now, I realize that most people, in doing this, are simply trying to grasp something beyond their realm of knowledge. I applaud that effort. It is certainly better than bashing our heads in with a rock, thereby destroying the origin of their confusion.
Now, try to stay with me here...I fear, I may lose some of the gay-rights activists with this...We do in a lot of ways fit into a checkbox, maybe even more so than our heterosexual counterparts. However, this is arguably, due to our progressive subjugation by the heterosexual world at large. We have made great strides in recent years, & we no longer have the set "lifestyle" that we were forced into. There are naturally, however, going to be leftover societal traits, such as: going to the bar a lot, promiscuity, & a lack of commitment in relationships. After living a certain way for so long how can a society be expected to change these traits overnight? While these are emotional & personality traits, one can compare them to the lasting physical traits witnessed in descendants of slaves. They were bred to have powereful muscular bodies, & eventually this came to be passed on in genetic makeup years later.
I have my own theories on why these tendencies exist within the homosexual societal structure. & becuase these rantings are all about me, I'll share them here.
First, there has been no conclusive findings for the development of sexual orientation. My personal thoughts on it are that for every theory out there, there is someone who matches it. Otherwise, how did the theory evolve?
I tend to lean toward the belief that for men it is most likely a genetic factor. Note, I used the word factor not flaw...In all ways we are "normal" individuals. Sexual orientation is not a cleft pallate, a club foot, or a virus. It is not something to be cured, or overcome. It is not an obstacle. It is simply a desire. Just as heterosexual men naturally desire a woman as their mate, I desire a man as mine. I did not choose to desire that. I even tried not to as a child. Just as a heterosexual man will reject the concept of being with another man, I reject the concept of being with a woman.
It seems so simplistic to me. Why does this threaten so many people? I do not see the heterosexual orientation as a threat to my existence. Why then, do so many heterosexuals see me as one to theirs? The only thing I see lacking in me is that my orientation cannot procreate. But then, with all the global starvation currently happening, I see that as more of a blessing.
Now then, this kind of flows into why gay men tend to be so promiscuous...I personally think that that promiscuity can almost all blamed on the base male nature. That is not to say that we should not be able to rise above that nature, but just that it is our base nature.
Men typically have a carnal persona. They were meant from creation to procreate. This is the nature of our base desire for sex. Women tend to make the emotional connection to that act. Men develop the attachment to the person. It makes sense that it would be more emotional based for women...I mean, for all intents & purposes, they are letting someone into their body. For men though, sex is simply a means to an end. It is an act devoid of emotional entanglements, other than joy. I do not mean to deny the existence of lovemaking. This is a valid thing, but it is vastly different from sex simply because it is coming into being as an expression of the love.
When you have two men placed into this equation it becomes harder to discern that difference. Lovemaking is more of a process that comes with time for men. Whereas, sex is simply an enjoyable act when it is devoid of that added element. I, personally, see no harm in sex for its own sake. So long as two people are honest in intent & deed, then there can be little harm. Promiscuity does not create disease, nor spread it. Being unsafe, being, essentially, careless spreads disease. That is another rant though...
When you take the woman out of the sexual equation you effectively also remove the main trigger of emotional attachment. This enables promiscuity to happen naturally. Men being naturally more likey to embrace that. Whether or not that is good, is up to each individual to decide for themself.
This, I suppose, flows into monogamy...which is a problem in the societal structure at large present-day, but I shall restrict myself to the gay realm. Where it has always been more of a problem to obtain & maintain.
I think that the heterosexual society holds a lot of the accountability here...By refusing to accept that ours is an orientation. I think I should define that word here before I continue with this line of thought.

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines:
*orientation* pron. ( or-E-n-'tA-shun )
noun
date: 1839
2:a usually general or lasting direction of thought, inclination, or interest

I like the key word there, lasting. This highlights my point. How can we, as individuals be expected to make lasting relationships when we are told that in all apsects it is an abomination, unnatural, and/or disgusting concept? How can we be held accountable to a set of standards that refuse to accept what we have no choice in changing? What should we aspire to become if we are told that what we are is unacceptable?
I fail to see what it is we should do when given choices that have no options.
When a child is told by its parent that it is beneath their contempt, does this child not then learn to lower its own standards? I am not comparing us to children, but pointing out that a mindset is developed when a person is kept in subjugation. This mindset is one that heterosexual society places in our minds from a young age. & this mindset is created as much from example as from actual verbalization.We are not equals. We are not the same as everyone else. We are different, & that is bad.How do you destroy, or stand against that block when it still exists in the world? You have to be brave enough to fight it. But realistically, how often does a whole society revolt?
Of course, as a society we must be brave enough to stand on our own, to make the choices to be who we must be, regardless of the viewpoints against us. This is made difficult though, when our reward is only self-respect. While certainly that is a just reward it does not give us rights. I used to believe like a good majority seem to...We do not deserve the right to marriage. We certainly have not seemed to overcome our issues with monogomy. Then someone said, 'Why do we have to prove ourselves to gain rights that others have without proving themselves?' The divorce rate today is 50%. This means, half of all heterosexual marriages do not last. How then, is this held up to be above our capabilities? Our relationships are getting stronger, & I think that when the right to marriage is obtained it will go a long way toward destroying that societal mindset.
&...Most gay relationships start where? At the bar!! The homosexual societal structure is finally dissolving somewhat. It was not allowed that a person could publicly be homosexual for a long time. The bar was created as a place to be free of that stigma. A place where you could be a homosexual & not be shunned. There is still that air of uncertainty in the world. So, it is no wonder that people still flock to the bars to be free. I think though, as the world begins to free its mind the bar scene will be less of a gay "lifestyle choice".
Finally, I'm drawn again & again to a little speech that 'Brian' in Queer As Folk says to Justin about their relationship...He says something like, 'we aren't straight people. We're not your parents.' While I understand the thought behind that, I think that that kind of thought is what is wrong here...
This is also what irritates the hell out of me with Political Correctness...How can you expect someone to ignore your differences when you, in your sensitive, politically correct way, state exactly what it is. If you constantly focus on what makes you different from someone else, how are you suppposed to build a connection to them? It seems to me that the problem here is not being insensitive, I think we are creating a world of hyper-sensitive people. Why not just go back to, 'If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all'?
I just try to be the best person I can, & if I happen to be gay then it means the same thing to me as liking the color orange does...Good for me...hehe...& If someone is straight, & that person chooses to dislike me for that reason without even learning any of my much more annoying traits, then all i can say is ""


April 1, 2002