Oh yeah , you're the only sane one here .
Yeah , right .
Know thyself , bitch !

With so many of us wacky individuals roaming about ,
interacting daily amongst each other ,
it's a damn miracle that slayings
aren't much more common ,
or even that societies ever formed !

And why are we so bonkers ?
Gee , lemme see .....
most of us were lovingly reared by schlubs
who probably are almost as dysfunctional
as you'll ever grow up to be !
When birthed , we were coddled ,
smothered with unbridled unconditional love ,
overprotected and idolized .
Soon followed a period when everthing went haywire .
The very folks who claimed to love us so ,
now got angry at us ,
screamed at us , punished us ,
scared us , even got downright violent
and smacked us around a bit !
By the time you were a teenager ,
the whole world scorned your ass ,
so of course you despised the world in return .
Then you were expected to leave the nest ,
make something of yourself , find a mate ,
and respect the law .
Shit , it's a damn wonder you can even keep a job
let alone get a date !

But parents aren't to blame ,
it's life's most unrewarding dead end !
What ? No , of course not now !
Your children bring you great joy !
Wait , this is just the build-up
for the grand heartbreak , you poor soul .
You sacrified the biggest chunk of your life
to the very ones who won't even call you ,
the ones who will stuff your frail bones
in some stanky ol' death house ,
wishing you would hurry up and die ,
so they can cash in your measly pennies .

It may sound dark ,
but deep inside you know it will happen ,
that's the reason why you have already
forsaken your forlorn litter ,
while you begin to desperately cling to your grandchildren .
Good luck !

But hey , parents are saintly selfless soldiers .
Have you ever tried to enjoy
real interests of your own
within the bondage of parenthood ?
It's tragically close to impossible !
But Moms and Dads , thanks for perpetuating
the cycle of dysfunction !
At least you've accomplished something !

Which brings me to families....
O Lord , stand by me .
Family is a group of people ,
bless their hearts , ya just gotta love 'em ,
which are kinda like people you work with ,
if you weren't related to them ,
and you just seen them walkin around in public ,
you would never want to have anything to do with them .
well , unless you would be tryin' to do 'em or something

Sad , yet true .
Even sadder still , these are the same shlubs
who influenced your..uh.. peculiar personality .
Woe is me .