~ Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
 ~ You ski uphill.
 ~ You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
 ~ You speed walk in your sleep.
 ~ You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
~ You answer the door before people knock.
 ~ You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
 ~ You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
 ~ You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
 ~ The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
 ~ You lick your coffeepot clean.
 ~ You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
 ~ You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
 ~ Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
 ~ You chew on other people's fingernails.
 ~ The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
 ~ You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
 ~ You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
 ~ You can jump-start your car without cables.
 ~ Cocaine is a downer.
 ~ All your kids are named "Joe."
 ~ You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
 ~ Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
 ~ You don't sweat, you percolate.
 ~ You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
 ~ You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
 ~ You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
 ~ You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
 ~ The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
 ~ Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
 ~ Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
 ~ You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
 ~ Instant coffee takes too long.
 ~ When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
 ~ You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
 ~ You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
 ~ Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
 ~ You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
 ~ You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
 ~ You get drunk just so you can sober up.
 ~ You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
 ~ Your Thermos is on wheels.
 ~ Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
 ~ You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
 ~ You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
 ~ You short out motion detectors.
 ~ Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
 ~ You don't tan, you roast.
 ~ You don't get mad, you get steamed.
 ~ You help your dog chase its tail.
 ~ You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
 ~ Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.