She is not:
         A BAD COOK
         She is:
         MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

         She does not:
         GET PMS
         She becomes:
         HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

         She does not have:
         A KILLER BODY
         She is:
         TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

         She is not:
         A BAD DRIVER
         She is:
         AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

         She is not a:
         PERFECT 10
         She is:
         NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

         She is not:
         EASY
         She is:
         HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

         She does not:
         HATE SPORTS ON TV
         She is:
         ATHLETICALLY BIASED

         You do not ask her:
         TO DANCE
         You request a:
         PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

         She is not:
         HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
         She is:
         MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

         She is not:
         COLD OR FRIGID
         She is:
         THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

         She does not:
         WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
         She is:
         COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
 
         She does not have:
         GREAT CLEAVAGE
         Her breasts are:
         CENTRALLY LOCATED

         She is not:
         A SCREAMER OR MOANER
         She is:
         VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

         She does not:
         SUN BATHE
         She experiences:
         SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

         She does not:
         CUT YOU OFF
         She becomes:
         HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

         She does not have:
         BIG HAIR
         She is:
         OVERLY AEROSOLED

         She does not:
         SHOP TOO MUCH
         She is:
         OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS

         She does not have:
         SEXY LIPS
         She is:
         COLLAGEN DEPENDENT

         She does not get:
         DRUNK
         She is:
         ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED

         She does not get:
         DRUNK
         She is:
         ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED

         She does not:
         GOSSIP
         She is A:
         VERBAL TERMINATOR

         She does not:
         WORK OUT TOO MUCH
         She is an:
         ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER

         She is not:
         COLD OR FRIGID
         She is:
         MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

         She does never:
         GAIN WEIGHT
         She is:
         A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

         She does never:
         SHAVE HER LEGS
         She experiences:
         TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION

         She does not have:
         A HARD BODY
         She is:
         ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE

         She will never:
         SAG
         She will:
         LOSE VERTICAL HOLD

         She does never:
         SNORE
         She is:
         NASALLY REPETITIVE

         She does get:
         DRUNK
         She is:
         TEMPORARY VERBALLY DYSLEXIC

         She does not have:
         BIG HOOTERS
         Her:
         CUPS RUNNETH OVER

         She is not:
         TOO SKINNY
         She is:
         SKELETALLY PROMINENT