but the date is written down and the file is complete. i open wide my heart to you in all i do. i mutter in lucid trance that things long dreamt of are stirrring in their liquid sleep. they are moving on the ocean floor.

hold fast to this madness. for it is onlly truth that matters. and so in isolation i languish for the mind and spirit. in penance, i offer this to you. i am a dragon. i am a spider. i am a woodsman. this riual of myth. it opens the door. it passes through, outside, inside.

i dreamed i cut my wrist somehow and blood gushed out like a waterfall. i dreamed  a weathered leaf that was a worm. i dreamed you were asking me to give you my pennies.  i dreamed about monte carlo. i dreamed  of a swimming pool around a fountain, or maybe a flood, orange, yellow colors. i dreamed about driving in a fast car. i dreamed about talking to a guy in a bar. i dreamed of palace music

i dreamed about kai doing something bad. i dreamed about being in alaska. i dreamed  i was going to get some time off to clean up two very cluttered rooms. i dreamed something about puzzles, as if dreams were peices of a puzzle, like some sprawling, mystical jigsaw. i dreamed i was dead and ressurected..

THE SMOOTH WHEEL OF DISINTEGRATION WINDS IN ME. I AM EXTINGUISHED BY THE PASSING OF TIME. UNLEARN, RELEARN.  NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM, BUT I RECORD THE SLY VOICES, ANYHOW. I REPLAY THEM. THEIR WORDS ARE LINED BY STATIC AND GREY NOISE. I AM A PART OF THE SHINING TREE, LIKE A LEAF PREPARING TO FALL, OR A SEED TO HATCH. I WASTE MYSELF IN THEIR BROAD LAUGHTER. A MILLION HANDS MEET IN PRAYER, AND THEIR ECHO PREPARES TO DISEMBOWEL ME. IN SECONDS. ALL QUESTIONS SEEK THEIR ANSWERS

the blossom that had pulled your wideplant down to the carpet has been snipped free. its petals have tuned in to meet meet one another, turn inward, go purple, go black. it is a  thin dark fist that resides on the countertop.
                                                     i smell pale death in your kitchen..

you tounge in my ear has driven me mad.. i sunk down deeper in the bog and dreamed of sinking in forever. i push my head into the pillw. you push deeper into my skull. i see things in epileptic spasm. your smile is thirsty, hungry dog. you succeed. you win. i melt in a pool of sweat. i lick it in and i am absolved. from the inside out.

the moon is waxing the hanging plant is silhouetted i am sitting aloone i wonder why i touch your shoulder i hold myself i take a deep breath i dive in  i see through the wall your skin, my eyes  iwiil not travel further as i know how this will end i empty my thoughts upon the page i won't watch television any more i don't have to wonder why anymore i excuse myself to use the washroom i wash my hands my face is flusheed and i am tired no more

his skin not so tight not so soft anymore and me holding and carressing it i am dreaming offarawy places and faraway lovers ,  non-existent friends and monsters who would eat me whole if i owned a gun i would turn it on myself and so i am gunless  soon i will float to the surface and i will float there under the moon until i amsnipped free from the umbilical cord that  connects my solar plexus to th moon. help me free.... i will swim up to you and drown in your white light.....

and to think, i never loved you , inever even knew what love was. silk and amphetamines. there is your answer. far in the paragraphs of unread books. no one knew who they were. a quiet man sits quietly. you don't want them to talk to you. you don't want to take your part. no medicine can preserve us. i can see the fear in your eyes, in certain eyes i meet. my childhood is created. the wheel is turning, creaking, spiralling. my tiny black hand seeks you out in the dark. my monsters, my inheiritance have eaten you up. and i am utterly destroyed by you. now i will forget that i was ever here. i forgive you. i love you. tiny fists and helium. we drift like smoke. we run through one another. our fingers and our eyes have entwined. in night the moon gives birth and nightmares stamp out time on snare drums. there is a single purple bruise on your lip. in time, with time, the room revolves

SLAP MY ARM