Travel
Central London (West End and
Vauxhall)
Last visited:- I live here!
Last updated:- 11 December 2005
Well, seeing as I actually live in London,
things may get a wee bit biased but I’ll try not to. Also, London is a bloody
big place and pubs and clubs come and go quicker than an EastEnders
marriage so things are likely to get out of date very quickly… so don’t blame
me for any inaccuracies! I’ll try and stick to the Bear scene but, inevitably,
if you actually live somewhere the same scene gets very tiresome very quickly
so I tend to try other bars too. Even, dare I say it, straight bars! Conversely, London’s so big that there’s just no way
I’ll fit everything in, hence the splitting of London into Central, East,
North, etc…
Accommodation
Why do I keep this category in here? I never use hotels!!
Find an Ibis!
Bars
The Kings Arms, just off Oxford
Street is under new management (hi Jamie, Russell and the crew!) since
the sad passing of Willy last year, but not much has changed. The cliques are
still there (and I have to hold my hand up, yes, I’m in one of them!) but not
usually to the point of unsociability and hostility towards new faces. Karaoke
on a Sunday is still the busiest night of the week. Of any
pub. Anywhere. So avoid if you go apeshit over spilt pints!
Saturday is now a “pre-club” night, but DJ Mikie
knows the crowd (unlike the crap jukebox) and it’s not so loud that you can’t
continue to chat. The rest of the week can be hit or miss, and the quiz nite seems to have, thankfully, died a death. Currently operating with standard (i.e. stupid)
opening hours, they're looking to open a couple of hours later at the weekends under the new licensing laws. Word
of warning, don’t take your female friends in. They
will be stared at and talked about as if you’ve just stepped in something nasty
and dragged it all over the carpet, as I found out to my disgust.
Staying in Soho, the Duke
of Wellington is a good pub for meeting up, as it’s easy to find
opposite the end of Old Compton Street.
Bar of choice when the Arms closed for a refurb a
couple of years ago, it still attracts the bear crowd, though is much more
mixed. Across the road is Comptons,
which used to be the hub of the more skinheady (yes,
I know it’s not a word but you know what I mean) scene. And still is, assuming
you expect your skinheads to drink Bacardi Breezers
and talk about the latest fashion accessories for their poodles. The Admiral
Duncan is, obviously, rather well known, but, like the Welly is better to just meet
someone up and move on. Barcode is popular with the post
pub-closure crowd, if you don’t fancy a club.
There are plenty other bars around, and far too many to go
into in detail. There aren’t many that are so twink-orintated
that you’ll feel downright uncomfortable in, but definitely avoid The
Edge and Rupert Street.
Surprisingly the G-A-Y Bar is alright, as long as you’re in a group, as are most
other places. Old favourite 79CXR has seen better days and is
best avoided. Moving down towards the Strand, Halfway
II Heaven is always friendly enough.
Moving away from the “West End”, The
Stag in Victoria is
always welcoming. Sundays are good (and to be recommended to get you away from
the Sardine Tin that is the Kings Arms) with cabaret (unfortunately, Rose Garden no longer does her residency) and DJ TroyBear providing
the closest London will ever get to the Manchester village “vibe”… think “Old
Camp Fire” and you’re there already.
Clubs
Well, it’s gotta be the big one,
eh? XXL
jumped into the market a few years ago, just after Bulk breathed its last, and
has simply gone from strength to strength. Though it has to be said, it seems
to be turning into more of a standard gay club that is more tolerant of the
bear scene, rather than a bear club. Other clubs have tried to redress this a
bit, but GrowlHouse has collapsed, MegaWoof is rather more hardcore than, say, the old Bulk
crowd would go for, though Tonker Lite
seems to be picking up again of late. Certainly it's a lot busier than it used to be.
Fridays has seen the resurrection (in all but name) of Chunkies… now called Chunk (see what they did there?).
It’s OK, for what it is, but they’ve scrapped the cabaret (not necessarily a
bad thing…) and the music policy varies considerably.
On the sleazier side, I’ve always found The Hoist welcoming. I
was a Block regular before it closed/was closed down (delete as legally
applicable), but never made the jump over the Blackwall
Tunnel Approach to Backstreet, so can’t comment.
Eating Out
Blah, blah. McDonalds
and KFC. Blah, blah. Subway
everywhere. Chain pubs. Blah,
blah.
Real eating out in London
is usually a joy. Yes there’s some real shite out
there (That’s OK, Balans, you can put your hand
down – we know you’re top of that
list), but there’s also some hidden, and not so hidden gems.
The Stockpot on Old
Compton Street is cheap and cheerful for a quick
lunch and just over the road is an Ed’s Diner if you’re willing to
spend that much more.
Further along the road, I’ve always had a good meal at Dome
and Linda’s
is a lovely Italian place, right next to the Kings Arms. Bodeans
was always great for steak and ribs (not for veggies!), but I’ve been hearing
some bad reports recently.
Tucked away off Oxford Street
is the best breakfast in London…
and they have an early license, which is great coming off a nightshift for sausage,
bacon, egg and Budvar. It’s called the Star
Café and apparently becomes a lesbian bar at night.
Once again, there’s far too much in London
to go much deeper into specifics. Best advice is decide what
you want first and ask a friendly face in the pub where they would go.
For the record, I would recommend…
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Chinese
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- Eat-as-much-as-you-like
(Berwick Street.)
- Avoid
Mr Wu’s like the plague
|
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Italian
|
- Linda’s
(next to Kings Arms)
- Caffe Uno (Goodge
Street and branches)
|
|
Pizza
|
- Pizza
Express (Dean Street
and branches)
- ICCo (Goodge Street)
|
|
Chip Suppers
|
|
|
Kebabs
|
|
|
Chicken
|
- Nando’s (Goodge Street
and branches)
|
|
Pub Grub
|
- Jack
Horner (Tottenham Court
Road)
- Jeremy
Bentham (University
Street)
|
|
Indian
|
- Yet
to find a decent one in Central London
|
|
Breakfast
|
- Star
Café (Great Chapel Street)
|
Of course, this is just Central London,
and I don’t eat out as much as I’d like myself. For example, the best Indian is
the Hemalaya, but that’s in Stratford
so not for this report, though it should be noted that the Tube service isn’t
quite as bad as some would have you believe.
So finally, it’s worth pointing out that, if you’re looking
for post-intoxication food, and you’re not actually staying in central London,
you’re far better off waiting until you get closer to your accommodation.
Taxi Firms
Meter-run black cabs are far more expensive than minicabs,
but always make sure you negotiate a price with a minicab driver before you set
off., otherwise you will end up being
done. It’s also worth pointing out that during rush hour (approximately 7 in
the morning till 7 at night!) you’re quicker walking. Never use a cab if it’s
being touted at you outside a club. Some would argue an exception would be the
cab firm that queues outside XXL, but you’ll find the office that’s situated a
bit further back towards London Bridge
itself is actually cheaper.
Night Buses
Pretty much cover most of London,
but often take ages. Best to use them for shorter trips, one or two zones at
the most (e.g. Vauxhall or Victoria back into Central London
is fine). Further example, a night bus to Stratford
from Oxford Street is
timetabled at 35 minutes, but in actuality takes nearly an hour. And just
‘cause a route exists don’t make it a viable option. A bus to somewhere in Zone
6 will take the best part of two hours. So, assuming you don’t want to pay a
£40-plus taxi fare, you may be better waiting for the Tube to open.
And of course, night buses are never very much fun.
Overcrowded, especially on trips outward from the centre, with lairy students and straights (and straight students) and
you can guarantee someone will puke.
The Tube
Much better for travel is the Tube… if it didn’t close so
bloody early. Fine to use to get home at pub
closing time (though see above about lairy, straight
students with weak stomachs), but pretty much useless for getting home from a
club. There are calls afoot to get the Tube open later, but now they’re being
silly and saying they’ll have to open it later in the morning as well… not much
good if your shift starts at 7am Mr Livingstone.
Much as I hate to say it… if you’re
needing to get back from a club, taxi is your best option. Just make
sure you don’t go home alone…
Getting There
All major rail termini (including Waterloo
for EuroStar) are on the Tube, so quick access to the
city’s infrastructure is guaranteed.
Coaches come in to Victoria Station, which is a short walk
from Victoria Tube (and the Stag…).
Heathrow Airport
is on the Tube (though currently uses a bus link from Terminal 4). City
Airport has a bus link into the
Docklands Light Rail system, while it awaits its own station. All the other
major airports – Gatwick, Stansted and Luton
– have fast, direct rail links into Victoria,
Liverpool Street and King’s
Cross respectively.
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