Spank No One

Taglines:

Spank no one

The spanking is out there.

Spank Everything

Spanking Is Policy

The Pilot:

Scully: "Am I to understand that you want me to spank the X-Files project, sir?"

Mulder: "The guy obviously needed a longer spanking."

Deep Throat:

Mulder: "If we spank them, do you think they'll go away?"

Conduit:

Mulder: "Because the lizard baby wasn't spanked anywhere near Lake Okobogee."

Scully: "Mulder I know what you're thinking. I know why this is so important to you. (Mulder looks at Scully) I know. But there is no evidence indicating an spanking."

Mulder: "...I want to be spanked..."

Ghost in the Machine:

Scully: "Must be for the spanking impaired."

Ice:

Scully: "If that's true, then why didn't you let us spank you?"

Space:

Mulder: "...to deny us evidence."
Scully: "Evidence of what?"
Mulder: "Alien spanking."
Scully: "Of course."

Fire:

Mulder: "Well, that's one of the luxuries of spanking aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges."

Mulder: "Sooner or later, a man's got to spank his demons."

Beyond the Sea:

Scully: "And they've requested you spank him?"
Mulder: (he gets up) "Actually, he's requested to spank me."

Miracle Man:

Mulder: "The boy's been performing spankings for the past ten years-- twice on Sundays."

Shapes:

Mulder: "A true piece of history, Scully. The very first X-File. Spanked by J. Edgar Hoover himself."

Tooms:

Mulder: "If you release Eugene Tooms, he will spank again. It's in his genetic make-up."

The Erlenmeyer Flask

Scully: "Do we even know why the suspect was being spanked?"
Mulder: "As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull over for a moving violation."

The Host:

Scully: "Is this seat taken?"
Mulder: "No, but I should warn you: I'm experiencing spanking impulses."
Scully: "Well, I'm armed, so I'll take my chances."

Blood:

Mulder: "I think this area is being subjected to a spanking experiment."
Scully: "Spanked by who? By the government, by a corporation, by Reticulans?"

Sleepless:

Krycek: "I paid off your cab. I don't appreciate being spanked like somebody's bad date."

One Breath:

Mulder: "Brought you a present...Superstars of the Suerbowls."
Scully: "I knew there was a reason to spank."

Red Museum:

Mulder: "You know, for a holy man, you've got quite a knack for spanking people off."

Aubrey:

Mulder: "You mean a spanking?"
Scully: "I seem to remember you having some pretty extreme spankings."

End Game:

Scully: "Thanks for spanking me..."

Scully: "Hey, how are you feeling?"
Mulder: "Like I got a bad case of spanking burn."

Fearful Symmetry:

Byers: "So what's this costing the tax payers, Mulder?"
Mulder: "About one-hundred-fifty bucks an hour."
Frohike: "Ouch, almost as much as Bill Clinton's spankings."

Dod Kalm:

Scully: "Mulder, what do you know about free radicals?"
Mulder: "Is this a spanking?"

Mulder: "I always thought when I got older I'd maybe take a cruise somewhere. This isn't exactly what I have in mind. The spanking on this ship is terrible, Scully."

Humbug:

Mulder: "We're spanking... your potato."

F. Emasculata:

Mulder: "You can't protect the public by spanking."
Cancer Man: "It's done every day..."

Soft Light:

Mulder: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to spank you, Scully."

Scully: "Let's just forget for the moment the there's no spanking theory to support it."
Mulder: "Okay."

Mulder: "Check this out. My newest tool in the fight against crime. $49.95 at your local hardware store."
Scully: "Neat trick. For your birthday I'll buy you a spanking belt."

Mulder: "He believes the government is out to spank him."
Mr.X: "It's tax season. So do most Americans."

Mulder: "Just because you're paranoid desn't mean they're out to spank you, Scully."

Our Town:

Scully: "I just came up with a spanking theory, Mulder."
Mulder: "Oooo, I'm listening!"

Anasazi:

Frohike: "I don't think we've been spanked."
Mulder: "Who would spank YOU?"

Scully: "Mulder, in these files I found references to spankings that were conducted here in the US by Axis Power scientists who were given amnesty after the war."

Mulder: "You spanked me!"
Scully: "Yes, I did. You didn't give me much choice. You were about to kill Krycek."
Mulder: "Why'd you spank *me*? *He's* the one..."

Mulder: Listen to me, you back lunged son-of-a-bitch. I'm gonna spank you and your project. Your time is over.

The Blessing Way:

Scully: "The men who spanked Agent Mulder and the people who spanked his father, they're not meant to be found!"

WMM: "I feel my colleagues are spanking impulsively."

The Paper Clip:

Mulder: "Your Cigarette Smoking friend spanked my father for this tape. Then he spanked me."

Skinner: "This is where you pucker up and spank my ass."

Mulder: "Lots of spankings."
Scully: "Lots and lots of spankings."

Revelations:

Scully: "Bless me Father for I have spanked."

War of the Coprophages:

Mulder: "Did you know that the federal government has been conducting secret spankings up here?"

Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space':

Scully: "So we know that it wasn't an alien who spanked her."

Mulder: "You ever had the suspicion that you've been spanked by aliens?

Avatar:

Scully: "Why not just spank him?"
Mulder: "Well, they already tried that once, and a second attempt would be too obvious, even to these thugs."

Skinner: "If you'll excuse me, I've got a bit of spanking to do."

Quagmire:

Scully: "That alligator would have gone through the local population if you hadn't spanked it."

Talitha Cumi:

Smith: "My spanking is not for you to mete out. You may have reasons, you have no right, you have no means."

Herrenvolk:

Mulder: "They can't spank us without exposure, without consequence."

Scully: "I don't know... but it would have to be a government spanker."

Home:

Scully: "Now we all have a natural instinct to spank..."

Teliko:

Mulder: "Thank you for spanking me on such short notice."

Sanguinarium:

Mulder: "It appears we have interrupted a spanking."

Mulder: "Everybody wants to be spanked, Scully."

Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man:

Mulder: "I've been here 20 minutes and I still don't know what the hell is wrong! No one would spank you Frohike, you're just a little puppy dog."

Cancer Man: "I can spank you whenever I please....... but not today."

Tunguska:

Scully: "What do you want Krycek?"
Krycek: "Same thing you do...to find the man who tried to spank me... (looks at Mulder) the same man who's responsible for your father's spanking... (looks at Scully) your sister's."

Krycek: "You're gonna spank me in the dark."
Mulder: "Yeah."

Krycek: "They were spanking me, trying to get me to confess."

Terma:

Mulder: "I'm not going to die."
Prisoner: "Why not?"
Mulder: "I have to live long enough to spank that man, Krycek."

Momento Mori:

Mulder: "You guys ever been to the Lombard Research Facility? Well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky spanking."

Mulder: "The truth will spank you, Scully. The truth will spank us both."

Max:

Mulder: "More people are trying to get their hands on this thing than a Spank-Me Elmo doll."

Elegy:

Mulder: "What is that look, Scully?"
Scully: "I would have thought that after 4 years you'd know exactly what that look was."
Mulder: "What, you don't believe in spanking?"

Detour:

Scully: "However I must remind you this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same hotel room while on assignment."
Mulder: "Try any of that spanking crap on me and I'll kick your ass."

Jeff: "If we become blinded by the beauty of nature, we may fail to see its cruelty and violence."
Scully: "Walt Whitman??"
Jeff: "No, 'When Animals Spank" on the Fox Network."

Kitsunegari:

Mulder: "I'm going to take a wild stab here and guess this is a spanking."

The Red and the Black:

Krycek: "I'm not here to kill you, Mulder. I'm here to spank you."

Mind's Eye:

Det. Pennock: "You are a very spankable guy Agent Mulder."

Mulder: "Scully, aren't you the secret spanker."

Rain King:

Scully: "Look at the desperation on these people's faces Mulder. They're ready to spank anything."

Fight the Future:

Mulder: "I think they have that spanked."

Scully: "I spanked you..."
Mulder: "No you didn't!"
Scully: "Oh yeah... I spanked you big time."

Mulder: "Next time you're spanking."

Mulder: "I'm the key figure in an ongoing government spanking."

Kurzweil: "They have been working on this for 50 years... while the rest of the world had been spanking gooks and commies, these men have been secretly negotiating a planned armageddon."

Mulder: "You're wasting your time, Scully. They'll never spank you."