From thoughts in
1998.....
After spending much wonderful moments together, our relationship got closer and closer. Upon a sudden impulse, I came out to her, expecting her to be shocked and not wanting to befriend me anymore. Fortunately, she wasn't those biased people I have met before. She took the news rather coolly and was like quite expecting me to confess to her. I felt a sense of release when I told her about her sexual inclination. I was pretty stressed before that, wondering whether I should be confessing to her. I thought I must had fell in love with her. She charmed me in every possible way. I thought that it was impossible between us. She is HAPPILY attached to her boyfriend (so I thought!) and I didn't think it was right for a crooked person like to to approach her and make known my feelings. This spurred the impulsive crush on another person, whose name is X. It was a wild crush, the next best alternative if you could put it that way.
X stays 2 doors away from us. The gaydar I have just tells me that she's one of us. It was only recently that I got to know that she broke up with her ex. I rushed onto her like a cattle of wild bulls.
Actually, the main reason for going after X was so that Jess could help me! [silly me right?] Well, that was how desperate I was in love with Jess. I enjoyed having Jess to help me chase X. So silly. I just wanted to spend more and more time with Jess. That was how much Jess had smitten me! (: Also, Jess was deemed to be unobtainable to me! Then I thought that by trying to love someone else was the solution. Guessed not now! :D
I was furiously after X, showering her with constant undivided attention, flowers and gifts. X keep claiming that she had turned straight. Plus she's religious and stuff. Her religion frowns on lesbianism. She was giving me that hot and cold treatment. Driving me round a wild goose chase. I never had been so emotionally see-sawed before. I cried lots for her too. Tears just trickled shamelessly down my face. X made life very uncomfortable for me too. There was once we met in town and decided to go for a drink at Spiritz. [which is now dunno what happened to it! it used to be at Princep St] It was during the Nov/Dec hols. I was trying to swoon a half-dead-drunk X. I whispered sweet nothings into her ear, whilst Jess furiously down strong Bourbon Coke with X's ex. It was so ironic. Then she became quite a goner. Jess wasn't exactly in a good shape either. Her ex had to take her home as I had to bring Jess back too. I was quite mad that her ex got to send her back and not me!!! Damn! After X and her ex left in the cab, both of us staggered down to Boat Quay. [on foot mind you, from Princep St, then somebody dead drunk!] We ordered a jug of nice Gin Tonic. We drank and drank. It was almost 2 am. Jess suddenly hugged me and cried, wailing why is D[her boyfriend then] is so bad to her and why didn't he loved her? It was so heart-wrenching!! I didn't know what to say. Her outburst had made me hold her in my arms. Tears too, fell from my eyes.
After finishing then jug, we took a cab back to hall. After changing clothes, we lay beside each other. I looked at her dizzily and asked her whether I can kiss her good-night. She said ok. So, innocent me went to give her that peck on her lips. She stuck out her beautiful and soft tongue that was very HARD TO RESIST and frenched me. After that all's history. We kissed the whole night. [Kiss only ah, my hands never went below her neck] Kissed and kissed and kissed, kissed until the first rays of the sun shone! Kissed till her lips were bright red. The ironic part is that later Jess was going to meet D so that D could celebrate her birthday for her. This was truly the catalyst of our relationship. This incident only quickened things!
X's constant non-reply to my SMSes and her bunch of dishonesty and lies really had taken me aback. Slowly, my faith in her weaned. My hopes had become hopeless. Guess the last crunch came when I bumped onto her in town. Before that, we were SMSing and when I asked her where she was, she totally shut up and didn't replied. Oh it was the day where the whole night we had shooting stars all over Singapore. I wonder whether you all remembered. (: Then I bumped onto her clique of friends. I didn't want to step into the fast food restaurant to "see for myself" that cruel fact. [You know, that cruel fact that makes your ideal less than perfect?] That was the last straw!
The following Monday, I SMSed her and told her about my seriousness in wanting to be her beau. She told me "No". "Fine," I thought, and told her that I would not be after her ever again. Dropped her like hot coals! She had tried to pull off her 'charms' on me the week after! I coldly refused her advances and told her that it was only Jess I had in my heart all the while. It was the week that Jess had her 1 week MJ camp and X had her church camp too. I had plenty of time to look at the whole situation. But I still didn't really know who I really loved. I felt funny. After all, I have never been not seeing Jess for more than 2 days. It was then a Tuesday. The 3rd day that I have not seen her. I felt funny; some sort of funny itch. I felt that a part of me is missing. It was this very moment that I realised that the person that I want to be with is Jess! And no one else. I didn't miss X at all. Not at all!!!!!!! This was when I knew that my heart had no one else but Jess!